*Heavy Sigh* Vent -- Bummed about turn out for my AHR :(

[islandbride317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Rachel* Ugh- I was hoping your sister would have done a turn around, but taking it public on FB? Wow! That's a low of low. I get pissed at my sister sometimes but I would never think to make it so public. How did she respond when you uninvited her?

I know, right?! Putting me on BLAST on facebook? What, are we seriously in junior high school again?!!? No matter HOW upset I could be with someone, I would never DREAM of airing my dirty laundry (more or less personal family drama) on flippin' FACEBOOK for the whole damn world to see!

So when I finally said enough is enough, and I removed her from my "friends" list, I then also sent her a text to make her aware that she's no longer invited, and her only reply was that the posts on fb were 'about something that happened at work' and that I was 'waaaay off base' -- I call bullshit!! She's been my sister all my life, so you would think she'd realize that I know HER better than that! It was the words she chose and how she used them -- what, does she take me for an idiot?! She wanted to make an a$$ out of me, but if I called her on it, she could deny it 100%, but frankly, I am tired of the games no matter what happens from this point...

And what's worse is that she didn't say anything about not being invited to the AHR anymore, so that just tells me she never really wanted to go to begin with. Oh, well! iQue Sera!, I say!

[jajajaja]

Very sad. I hate to see relationships fall apart, but sometimes it has to happen if the other person is making you really miserable. Life is too short to surround yourself with negative people. It's too bad your sister can't see what she's doing.

 

I'm really shocked that she didn't react to being uninvited. If I was guilty of being a bitch to my sister and she called me out and uninvited me, I think I would first be really pissed- like how dare she? and call her out back for telling me not to come. But in the back of my mind, I'd have to know I was being a hag and she called me on it. Then I think I would be sad once it all settled and really hurt that it came to that point. I'd want to talk it out.

 

If I wasn't guilty, I'd probably call her crazy and let her suffer. However, either way I really think at some point I'd want to patch things up.

 

Obviously your sister probably doesn't think like me, but I'm just trying to think how I'd react if this happened between my sister and I- whos the little one by the way.

 

My sister lives wtih my hubby and me and had plans of moving out after she graduated from college- which she did last month. She's been really weird, distant and bitchy lately. I've just been ignoring her because she's been so up and down mood wise that I never know which one will appear. Right now I can't really stand being around her, BUT I put that all aside and be awesome for her graduation party. I helped get all the food ready, bought her a nice gift and acted like nothing was wrong between us. I knew it was important for her. But now that it's done and she's back to being bitchy, we just ignore each other again. LOL

 

So long story short- your sister sucks hardcore and even if she might have a reason in her head why she's annoyed with you, she needs to be a bigger person and put it aside for a really important event. They only come once so who wants to miss out on something like that and think back 20 years later like "where was I? OH that's right- we were fighting and I was being a stubborn bitch." That's not a good memory.

[josietoms]

We are having our AHR only 6 days after we come back and have had a really good response so far from both family and friends; so I dont know if your lack of response is maybe down to the fact that it is quite a time after your wedding?? But I really feel for you x

[islandbride317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by josietoms We are having our AHR only 6 days after we come back and have had a really good response so far from both family and friends; so I dont know if your lack of response is maybe down to the fact that it is quite a time after your wedding?? But I really feel for you x

Thanks, Josie...and yes I agree that 3 month delay between the DW and the AHR probably DOES have a lot to do with it, but we simply could NOT afford to do anything sooner, even if we wanted to. As I mentioned, we've both been working 2 jobs for months, and we're STILL gonna be cutting it close -- unfortunately, our hands are tied and this is part of the consequence to that!

And @ Rachel:
Damn you're good, sugar!

THANK YOU again (1) for being so amazing with your advice, and (2) for sharing that you are also experiencing sister-drama of your own -- which sucks, but I really do appreciate that you know how sh!tty all of this feels first hand...it makes me sad to hear that your sister is acting like such a bonehead when you and your DH are being so kind and letting her share your home with you, too!

And on my sister's "non-reaction" reaction to being dis-invited, all I have to say is that I think she probably knows deep down how wrong she is, but she is exactly the same "stubborn bitch" you described above, and her IMMENSE PRIDE would never allow her to approach me now and say she's sorry -- I already know that's NOT gonna happen, so I won't be holding my breath!

Oh, quite the contrary, she probably has herself convinced somehow that I AM OUT OF LINE for NOT being more understanding that she's got "more that one obligation" ........ I really DO GIVE UP!

[Sapphire723]

Haha, well kudos on uninviting your sister. I understand that sometimes there are other life events that happen on the same day, but I'm under the impression that a 13 y/o would NOT want a 32 y/o at her B-day party... or at the very least wouldn't care if she was there or not. And if it's THAT important, send the husband with a gift. It's not like they can't spend a couple hours apart.... or maybe his family said that he wasn't allowed to go without your sister babysitting him!!

 

At the end of the day, you don't need the drama, so just let her go her own way.

 

And if you still are having trouble getting the minimum 75 people to show up, invite some local BDW girls. We'd attend and even bring a gift!

[missbliss85]

Islandbride, I know exactly how you feel about the whole AHR thing. We got married in Mexico in late April (we had 9 lovely guests with us), and had planned on throwing an AHR for everyone at the beginning of July. We had made the announcement about having a party last September, and I even went through the trouble of mailing out STDs to everyone so that they had AMPLE time to think about coming out. Well, when it came time to send out invites to people, I had a number of people who had all previously told me that they were going to come suddenly decline...We had invited around 110 people, and I was expecting around 80 to show.

 

About a month and a half before the reception, I was only at around 50ish people who were coming, and trust me, I know how you feel about people who were excited to be going to your AHR suddenly bail out. MY DH's aunts were super vocal about us not inviting them to Mexico, which was a big part in why we threw the AHR for everyone. And two of his aunts and their families didn't even make it! After all their moaning, they never came...

 

So, my advice to you is to simply wait it out, and likely some more people will reply back to you. I found people were really bad at remembering to mail them back (I purposely gave them return envelopes that were already addressed and had stamps!), so you may end up chasing after people.

 

In the end, I did enjoy myself at the AHR and did get to see some family and friends I almost never get to see anymore, but in retrospect, I probably never would have done one.

[islandbride317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapphire723 Haha, well kudos on uninviting your sister. I understand that sometimes there are other life events that happen on the same day, but I'm under the impression that a 13 y/o would NOT want a 32 y/o at her B-day party... or at the very least wouldn't care if she was there or not. And if it's THAT important, send the husband with a gift. It's not like they can't spend a couple hours apart.... or maybe his family said that he wasn't allowed to go without your sister babysitting him!! At the end of the day, you don't need the drama, so just let her go her own way. And if you still are having trouble getting the minimum 75 people to show up, invite some local BDW girls. We'd attend and even bring a gift!

Awww, thanks Leanne! You're such a sweetie!

And I totally think you are right that this soon-to-be teenager most likely truly doesn't give a rats a$$ if she's there or not, but there is just no getting through to my sister once she's got herself convinced of things, so you're right -- I will just have to let her go her own way!

HUGS for the advice!

[islandbride317]

Quote:

Originally Posted by missbliss85 Islandbride, I know exactly how you feel about the whole AHR thing. We got married in Mexico in late April (we had 9 lovely guests with us), and had planned on throwing an AHR for everyone at the beginning of July. We had made the announcement about having a party last September, and I even went through the trouble of mailing out STDs to everyone so that they had AMPLE time to think about coming out. Well, when it came time to send out invites to people, I had a number of people who had all previously told me that they were going to come suddenly decline...We had invited around 110 people, and I was expecting around 80 to show. About a month and a half before the reception, I was only at around 50ish people who were coming, and trust me, I know how you feel about people who were excited to be going to your AHR suddenly bail out. MY DH's aunts were super vocal about us not inviting them to Mexico, which was a big part in why we threw the AHR for everyone. And two of his aunts and their families didn't even make it! After all their moaning, they never came... So, my advice to you is to simply wait it out, and likely some more people will reply back to you. I found people were really bad at remembering to mail them back (I purposely gave them return envelopes that were already addressed and had stamps!), so you may end up chasing after people. In the end, I did enjoy myself at the AHR and did get to see some family and friends I almost never get to see anymore, but in retrospect, I probably never would have done one.

OMG, MissBliss! Are we living parallel lives here?! We also sent out STDs back in November when I booked the venue, and included self-addressed, stamped envelopes for people in the "official" invitations that went out about 2 months ago...all they had to do was check a stupid box!!

Another similarity between us is that we also only had 10 people attend our wedding in Jamaica, and for us, that was a blessing...but we were really hoping that the AHR would be the "real reception" I had always dreamed of, and sadly, it's not shaping up for us in the same way it didn't shape up for you! SO SORRY to hear you had to go through this nonsense, too!

And yes, I have chased down a few of the non-responders, and some have finally said they are coming (after apologizing for letting the rsvp date 'slip their mind') and some have said now that they just can't make it -- people can be so frustrating!! And again, I FEEL YA on the "if I only knew before hand that this was the way it was all going to turn out, I wouldn't have had one at all" tip! That's EXACTLY where I am right now!!

It's just disheartening that the people we love and are supposed to love us don't realize that their whims of NOW not feeling like coming (when before, they were practically shouting from the rooftops how excited they were) is going to be a REALLY expensive, kind of hurtful lesson!

But like you, we are going to try to make the most of it and have the best time possible with those that show up, because like the other girls said, we will know that they ACTUALLY are happy for us and really want to be there!

THANKS for your insight -- it means the world!

[JanineA]

Man I can't believe you are going through this. You would think people would make the effort to attend your AHR especially your sister!!!!!! But don't get me started on her......I'm glad you are staying positive about the whole thing. In the end I would say call the people who haven't responded yet (I am all about giving people the benefit of the doubt). Those who can come will....to hell with the rest of 'em, it still cause for celebration so be sure you do just that. Celebrate! They'll regret it later and then you can say "yes it was a pity you couldn't come, we had a blast, just look at the pics!"

[orionandmari072510]

My sister gave me a hard time in the beginning but in the end came and was super supportive. Wait it out and hope. If she continues to not care, dont worry about it. Have someone stand in her place next to you. There are other ppl in the world who would do anything to stand by your side at your wedding! Have no regrets!