Just Go Away!

[mnh1983]

My FMIL is really getting on my nerves. She has irritated me throughout the entire wedding process, and I think I have finally had enough. I've tried to talk to her about the wedding throughout the last year, but she hasn't really seemed very interested, and when asked her opinion, she says that she is sure that whatever we come up with will be wonderful. She says these things, and then after we book or buy anything, she starts to complain.

 

She doesn't like the fact that we are getting married on a Sunday, and she thinks a 4pm wedding is too late and that we need to move it up. She told my FI that my favor boxes are "cheap and tacky," and she suggested I return them for something else after she made me open the box and mail her one of the boxes so that she can help with getting the local candy for them. Umm, you can't return them if you don't have them all and one has been used, and I'm not wasting $40 to just stick them in a closet and buy something else. She thinks I should spend extra to have a florist do my centerpieces instead of me doing them myself (all I'm doing is gerbera daisies in vases, nothing difficult). She wants everything to change, yet she offers no money to help with any of this stuff she thinks would be better.

 

FI and I had a big fight over the weekend because she told him that she thought that a lot of my ideas are stupid. I know he feels caught in the middle, but when I tried to talk to her over the weekend, she tried to act like she loved my ideas, which them made FI even more upset. He tried to talk to her, but she doesn't listen or seem to understand why we're frustrated. If she wants to give her input, fine, but do it when we initially ask you, not months later when things are paid for and we can't change them.

[jajajaja]

Just curious- how are you getting info on her input? Is she telling you to your face or is your FI translating? If he's passing on her negativity, I'd ask him to stop. If she's this critical, she's going to always be critical. Pretty soon you aren't buying the right stuff for your baby or your not breastfeeding and she doesn't like that, etc. In order for you to not murder her sometime in the next 30 years, I think you need a game plan on how you will handle it.

 

My advice- tell her politely that you like how you are planning it and if doesn't, then the "if you can't say nothing nice then don't say anything" rule applies. If your FI is passing on her opinions, then he needs to be reminded that it makes you want to strangle his mother so he needs to kindly let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

My matra- ignore, ignore, ignore. You can't change people like that. Don't let them change you!

[sammy2882]

I know its hard, but I agree with Rachel. Try your best to ignore her! Keep your focus on what YOU want and what's important to YOU and your FI. Keep your head up!

[Valentine_Baby]

I like Rachel's response "...in order for you to not murder her in the next 30 years" that made me chuckle.

I agree with the other ladies - MILs can be a real pain especially if your FI is the only child (trust me I know this first hand). If you have too politely remind her that it is yours and your FIs wedding day not hers.

 

I hope it gets better for you. Planning a wedding is stressful enough. We don't need the peanut gallery involved.

[Lolita29]

I agree! Just ignore her! Your wedding not hers. Do it how you want to do it and dont let anyone tell you different. I would also stop asking her for her opinion. The only opinion that matters is yours and your FI.

[mnh1983]

Her messages are coming through both the FI and through conversations and emails with me. He has told her as recently as this weekend that he does not want to pass along her negative messages to me, so she just emails or calls me directly me about it. I've told her that I have already planned things and that I'm not changing them, but she continues anyway with "I'm just worried that things are going to turn out badly that way..." It has gotten to the point where the FI told her that if they do not like how we are doing things, they don't have to come.

 

I have ignored a lot of things, but when it is on a daily basis and when I've already asked her to stop multiple times, it isn't that easy to keep ignoring. There was even a period of time when I refused to speak to her because I was tired of hearing her crap.

 

We've asked her to butt out of other areas of our life too, but she won't. She is critical of everything we do, and she treats my FI like he is still in high school when he is almost 30. He stands up to her constantly, but she just laughs and tells him to not be so silly.

[starchild]

Un-invite her! LOL What a nasty woman. Seriously, I don't know what else you can do in a civil manner at this point so maybe you need to get raw with her.

 

Forget she is your MIL for a second and treat her like you would any other meddlesome witch. Tell her in no uncertain terms that it is your wedding that is being done your way and if she is worried about how it will turn out she can sit her worried ass at home and not subject herself to the stress. Let her know that nothing she can say or do will change anything and you will see that she is cut out of her blessed son's life if she doesn't back up. In other words, be so blunt it scares her and maybe she'll ease up a little.

 

I think women often put up with crap from MIL's out of respect for their sons, but respect is given where it is earned and she is out of control so let her know. Good luck!!!

[Lolita29]

Starchild said it best. Put the old lady in her place!!!

[teshy1]

This has to be really frustrating and disheartening for you. Stick to your guns. It's true -- this is your wedding, not hers. It sounds like this is all part of your FMIL's personality. Like you said, you and your fiance have had to ask her to butt out of other areas in your lives, too. Some people are just meddlesome people, and you can't really change that about her. You don't get to pick your family (or in-laws), unfortunately!

Stay strong and best of luck!

[jajajaja]

LMAO Jamy. You sound 9 months pregnant or something.

 

I do feel for you though. Sounds like a really rough situation and I doubt it's ever going to improve unfortunately. Some people are just nasty and constantly negative. You gotta do what's right for you and your FI- like setting an automatic bomb off like Jamy said or just moving on and accepting she's a meddlesome bitch. I personally wouldn't give her anything to meddle in- don't tell her crap and ask your FI to do the same. If she asks you about something, tell her you aren't to that planning stage yet.