Opinions wanted

[jerzshortstuff]

So FI's friend who we really have only hung out once with even though FI has supposedly been friends with him since high school wants to come to our wedding. The problem is he wants to bring this girl (not his gf) who every time I met her makes me feel uncomfortable and acts like she is better than everyone. Why he is bringing her and not his girlfriend is beyond me to begin with, but anyway. I told FI she wasn't invited and explained why. We only sent out STD emails to close family/friends so we never even sent one to this guy, and I am really hesitant to do so. I was going to send out STD's by mail soon, but I don't know what to do.

 

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I know because its a destination wedding you really don't have much control over who people bring, but WHAT DO I DO? I refuse to be uncomfortable at my own wedding/honeymoon! HELP!!!!

[krmiller]

I have a similar situation. One of my FI's really good friends is dating my FI's ex. We all hang out a couple times a month & every time we do she does or says something that really gets under my skin. I don't know if she is doing it intentionally, or I am just looking for things, but I do NOT want her at my wedding!!! I just don't know how to say that he can come, but can't bring his gf. Even if I send the invitation to just him doesn't mean that she won't come too! I think I will just have my FI talk to him about it. Hopefully we get some good advice!

[msjulie5475]

Good luck on this one.

[Tissey]

In my experience, a lot of people who say they will come to your DW don't actually follow through. Everyone thinks it sounds like fun and would love to take a trip when they first head about it, but when it comes time to actually start booking they back out because of finances or time or a hundred other reasons.

So, chances are she won't go anyways and there won't be an issue. I'd wait it out if I were you. Try not to worry about it in the mean time. When it gets closer to the wedding and if it looks like she is still planning on going, then you can talk to your FI and have him suggest to his friend that he bring his GF instead or just ask him not to bring her.

[dstinationdrmr]

I'm not sure if waiting and hoping they don't come at the last minute is a good idea. You will be waiting with anxiety and he/she will be out of money if she doesn't decide to back out but is told later on that she was never invited in the first place. I know it's hard and you don't want to ruffle feathers, but think about the fact that this is one of the most important days of your life.

 

IMO I think you should have your FI talk to him about it now. Just let him know that you would rather he bring his actual gf (if you don't mind her coming) or not come at all. He should respect that the girl makes you uncomfortable and you don't want her there. Or if you don't even want to go there, blame it on finances. I mean you would be shelling out money for her to attend so it's only right that she not be there if you don't want her to. If he's a true friend he'll understand and if he doesn't oh well. It seems they're not that close anyway. HTH!

[jk1101]

Don't invite him....you didn't send him and STD....tell him you'd love to invite him but it's really only for super close family....

[JanineA]

Wow, this is a tricky one. I have to agree with dstinationdrmr, don't wait cause if they both buy tickets to go then its going to become a strenuous situation if they are now out of money because the issue was not addressed. If you can, simply don't invite him, but if you must invite him explain that the invitation is for one, you simply can't afford it, or you can just be upfront and explain you simply don't want her there. Good luck!

[carolina24]

you do have control as to who comes to your wedding!! just be firm about it! it's YOUR wedding day and this guy who you and FI hardly ever see, doesn't have to be invited. so many of us on here have issues with these types of situations.

 

i'll tell you right now that from experience that i have lost several "friends" during the process of planning this wedding. FI and i agreed from the beginning that only CLOSE friends and family were invited...we sent out invites to a few friends that are not dating anyone seriously and did not give them a "plus one"; they can bring who they want to on their vacation, but THEIR guests were not invited to OUR wedding...needless to say, they were upset by this and aren't coming and we haven't heard from them since; AND I COULD CARE LESS, LOL!!!

 

this isn't highschool it's your WEDDING!! if this guy is really a friend, then he'll completely understand if you don't want this chick at the wedding; if not then he doesn't need to be there...just be firm in your decisions and don't let anyone make you feel bad or weird about it!

[Shoesiesluvr]

First of all i dont think that this is a situation that you want to put yourselves into, since he would bringing another girl to your wedding and leaving his girlfriend behind...i think that is just weird...Second of all, like you said you did not send him a STD so he really should not think he is invited...what does your FI have to say about this?

[Pinky]

I totally agree! Your wedding day is one to be enjoyed and I wouldn't take the chance of this girl ruining your special day.

If he's a real friend, he will understand. If not........oh well that's life.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolina24 you do have control as to who comes to your wedding!! just be firm about it! it's YOUR wedding day and this guy who you and FI hardly ever see, doesn't have to be invited. so many of us on here have issues with these types of situations.   i'll tell you right now that from experience that i have lost several "friends" during the process of planning this wedding. FI and i agreed from the beginning that only CLOSE friends and family were invited...we sent out invites to a few friends that are not dating anyone seriously and did not give them a "plus one"; they can bring who they want to on their vacation, but THEIR guests were not invited to OUR wedding...needless to say, they were upset by this and aren't coming and we haven't heard from them since; AND I COULD CARE LESS, LOL!!!   this isn't highschool it's your WEDDING!! if this guy is really a friend, then he'll completely understand if you don't want this chick at the wedding; if not then he doesn't need to be there...just be firm in your decisions and don't let anyone make you feel bad or weird about it!