feelin' blue

[rosieposie]

my future in laws were very adamant about having the large, 250 guest asian banquet in town. they sulked, called and compalined for months until they said they would pay for the food portion of it - but wanted a "real" wedding reception feel to it, so we said fine, we'll do it and have favours, photographer maybe a dj and dance floor if we can afford.

 

BUT NOW months later, after going to their niece's wedding and finding out they borrowed money from the bank to have thier reception, they sugest WE do that to pay for ours because it's expensive.....WTF this is the AHR THEY wanted...

 

i'm so upset, i can't believe it. i'm so stunned to hear this from my FI just now. i don't know where we're going to find the money, from what i gather, it's going to be another $25K on top of whatever knicknacks we were paying for. i'm contemplating on just paying them back the deposit for the restaurant and cutting our loss there.

 

but my FI doesn't want to do that because now tons of ppl are expecting it including relatives from out of town.

 

i can't believe it. i'm speechless, upset and worried. i'm so worried about this whole thing i can't even cry.

 

just when i was feeling "on top" of the planning.

*vent vent vent* thanks ladies...

[josietoms]

I really feel for you - I dont know how well you get on with your in laws - but this is really selfish of them. The AHR seems to be all about them, maybe your FI could have a word with and explain you just cannot afford it and this is your wedding and reception and you will organise it as you feel your budget will allow.

 

Rather than pull the plug on it completely can you not scale down the reception and tell your in laws this, we are having an AHR but it will be more like a party ie; dj, dance floor and buffett. Otherwise it would have not been worth us going abroad to get married as the cost of the AHR would have been more than the whole package in Mexico.

 

Fingers crossed you get this sorted out - by saying you are scaling down they may even offer to pay the difference to get the day THEY want - but remember this is YOUR day x

[roo66]

This is a toughy i think i would bite the bullet and say you are not happy to start married life with a huge debt its not the way you wanted or planned to start married life and for that reason alone you will not be hosting the event.

Its there party you were talked into it and now the goal post has moved its not something you will be doing.

Of course i would imagine you would recieve cash gifts.

I number of years ago i went to a wedding in Ireland it was a fab event they spent a fortune BUT the bride and groom got £37,000 in money as gifts

Good luck xxx xx

[starchild]

No No No No No...do not do it!!

 

Sorry but your in laws are out of their minds for even suggesting that you take out a loan to have the AHR that they want. I can't believe they are serious...the nerve of them!!

 

Let them be as mad or sad or sulky as they want but don't do it. I wouldn't even suggest you taking out a loan if you wanted to have the fancy AHR...but you don't, so definitely don't do it.

 

This is why people grow to hate their in laws lol...hang in there and do what you want. They already got married. Your turn.

[atrott]

I totally agree with the other ladies. It's YOUR AHR & you should do what YOU want to do. Your FI needs to stand up to his parents & support you on this. Doesn't matter how many people you have coming, they're coming to support you whether it's a huge party or a simple cake & punch reception. Don't worry about what others think, stick to your guns! Good Luck!!

[tsgnatko]

Sorry that you have to go though this

[QueenDiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild No No No No No...do not do it!! Sorry but your in laws are out of their minds for even suggesting that you take out a loan to have the AHR that they want. I can't believe they are serious...the nerve of them!! Let them be as mad or sad or sulky as they want but don't do it. I wouldn't even suggest you taking out a loan if you wanted to have the fancy AHR...but you don't, so definitely don't do it. This is why people grow to hate their in laws lol...hang in there and do what you want. They already got married. Your turn.

Oh I soooo agree! Don't do it! That is a huge amount of debt (not to mention work) for something that you didn't want in the first place. I know that people are excited and all, but that is not a reason to have to spend $25K for something you're really not interested in. Don't be sad! Focus your energy on the dream DW that you imagined. Call the in-laws TODAY, and let them know in a calm tone, that you and FI have discussed it and you really weren't interested in doing an AHR, but you were willing to at their request and you just do not want to start your lives together with so much debt...that is financially unhealthy.

[hat0112]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild No No No No No...do not do it!! Sorry but your in laws are out of their minds for even suggesting that you take out a loan to have the AHR that they want. I can't believe they are serious...the nerve of them!! Let them be as mad or sad or sulky as they want but don't do it. I wouldn't even suggest you taking out a loan if you wanted to have the fancy AHR...but you don't, so definitely don't do it. This is why people grow to hate their in laws lol...hang in there and do what you want. They already got married. Your turn.

I agree! DON'T DO IT!!!! You chose to have a DW and that means that the wedding and wedding reception is at a destination. If your in-laws what some big lavish AHR then tell them they need to pay for it. Why would you pay for something you don’t even want? And why would you go into debt for it That is just crazy to me. We are having a “dinner” after our wedding and since my parents insisted on it they are paying for all of it. You need to talk to you FI and either him only or the two of you need to talk to the in-laws ASAP.

[MysTea]

I am completely Disgusted that they would even suggest you take a loan out for a reception?! will they be paying to clear your debt after all is said and done?!

 

They are being completely selfish, thinking about themselves and so what the family are looking forward to it? its not about them.... Dont do it!

[eholt]

Okay...excuse me for a minute while I pick up my jaw! I can not believe some of the stuff I hear about family drama on here.

 

First they may be using this to manipulate you two into doing what they want you to do. DO NOT DO IT! I say beat them @ their own game and call everything off. If they really want it, then let them figure out how to fund it. Your happiness is more important than anything.