how long should a couple be engaged for?

[Cindy*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pat291 thank u ladies for the reply-you have me feeling much better about my situation, it's sad that other people give me the side eye when I tell them how long we have been engaged for and sometimes tell me if it took that long to happen it will never be and that I made a mistake living with a man b4 being his wife and some older folks even made the comment "why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free" I don't know how much truth there is to that, I guess they are trying to say I am already giving my fiance' the married life.

I don't agree with any of that. My FI and I lived together for over 2 years before we got engaged. We both knew that we would get married but we weren't going to get engaged until we were ready to get married. If you love each other and want to get married than living together is not going to make him any less likely to marry you. People like that should mind their own business. Its really what you and your FI think that is important, you are the only 2 people in the relationship.

[dolfinluck]

I agree with everyone else, we were engaged for 4 year before we got married. DH wanted to finish school, I wanted to have my career established (was just out of college) and we wanted to save money. When ever anyone would make a comment about us being engaged for so long I would just tell them you going to pay for the wedding and then they would just shut up. Personally we were living together for 4.5 years before we got married and there is no difference. There is no need to rush if your not ready.

[jk1101]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pat291 thank u ladies for the reply-you have me feeling much better about my situation, it's sad that other people give me the side eye when I tell them how long we have been engaged for and sometimes tell me if it took that long to happen it will never be and that I made a mistake living with a man b4 being his wife and some older folks even made the comment "why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free" I don't know how much truth there is to that, I guess they are trying to say I am already giving my fiance' the married life.

Do not let what other mean people say make you feel badly.

Only you and your FI know how you feel about each other and if you are happy together, that's the most important thing.

There's no formula of x years dating + y years engaged = time to get married. you have to do what's right for your individual relationship.

My DH and I were dating for 1 month when we got engaged - trust me, we got a LOT of crazy looks and comments for that one - we're married now and haven't even been together for 2 years....but we are ridiculously HAPPY and we love each other more than we ever thought possible.

Don't let it get you down.

[Ellabaja1983]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pat291 thank u ladies for the reply-you have me feeling much better about my situation, it's sad that other people give me the side eye when I tell them how long we have been engaged for and sometimes tell me if it took that long to happen it will never be and that I made a mistake living with a man b4 being his wife and some older folks even made the comment "why buy the cow when u can get the milk for free" I don't know how much truth there is to that, I guess they are trying to say I am already giving my fiance' the married life.

This hits home for me a little so I thought I'd share a story... when my fiance asked my father for his approval before asking me to marry him, my father's response was "why buy the cow when you get the milk for free." Absolutely ticked me off. I guess to completely understand, you've gotta know my relationship with my father. He's an okay guy, but we've always had our problems.... ALWAYS. I guess that's why it doesn't bother me much at all that he "doesn't want to go to Mexico" for our wedding. Between that comment and many other things that have happened in the last few years, it doesn't bother me that he isn't planning on going.

So... you do what's right for you and your fiance. There is nothing wrong with waiting, and no reason to think that it won't happen because you've waited three years!

[pat291]

Thanks again ladies,

 

this truly a positive supportive community, as many of you said we will do what works for us as everyone's situation is different.

[Pazzesca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pat291 I am just wondering what everyone's opinion is on this, when is it too long to be engaged? I guess everyone has their personal cut off time, whats yours? I have been engaged 3 years and I am starting to feel a ways esp. when people ask me when is my wedding and I don't know what to say because it should have been this year but got pushed back due to finances, work etc.

i know what you mean pat! i got engaged 12/2/07. my new wedding date is 5/14/2011. the original date was 9/5/2010 but after i got laid off for a minute and due to financial difficulties we pushed the date back and actually ended up canceling our at home wedding and losing our deposit on the venue! in the end it was the best decision for us. this september we'll be together 11 years. we get asked by his family and friends when is the date, why do you keep changing it, etc. etc.

i'm sure everyone has a certain ideal in their head about what is proper and due course of things in life and engagement and marriage definitely falls in that category. not one couple are the same as not a single person is the same. wouldn't life be boring if it were?!

i was upset over the long relationship without an engagement and then the long engagement. now i [LOVE] it!! who gets to be a special bride to be for as long as us?! that's how i feel! like a special bride to be always! lol!!

[LChavez]

I've been with my fiance for 8 1/2 years. I've never been the kind of girl who is dying to get married so I really never cared for all the annoying questions of when we're getting married. I knew it would happen on MY time, not some predisposed timetable that everyone else has. So I say, it's as long as you want so long as you're getting everything you need from your relationship:)