Asian ettiquette?

[phaat]

In the Asian culture, gifts are not usually given for a wedding. Guests give a dowry (aka cash). Usually enough to cover for their own meals and then some for the couple to start their lives. That's why many Asian weddings are 300+ people, without breaking the bank because all the guests pretty much "pitch in" for the wedding. Many friends of mine actually "make money" by throwing a huge wedding. I also want my wedding paid for like that.

 

My question is...should I register for gifts for my non-asian friends? The problem is I really don't need things since I already have my own place and own many of the things people usually register for. It just seems tacky to me to ask for money from them since they don't know how things work in my culture.

[avong1228]

I have the same issue. My family doesn't believe in bridal showers etc. but I am diong a honeymoon registry (preferred option) and a traditional registry for my american friends and his family.

 

Honeymoon registry is the way to go!

[boscobel]

I think this is regional. For instance, where I live and the surrounding areas, we mostly use the registry only for a bridal shower and the wedding gift is always a check. I've never given a gift at a wedding and received probably less then 20 at our 310+ guest wedding.

 

However, if I remember correctly, friends from Cali on the forum don't get cash gifts at weddings.

 

So I would work with whatever is normal in your area and create a minimal registry. Plus if you register at Bed Bath and Beyond, you can get cash back for any gift bought from your registry.

[luchdiamond]

Well its not just in Asian culture. If your friends know that you have your own place they should basically know that the next best gift is money. You really should not have to ask or register for things that you dont need.

[miss_delerium]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luchdiamond Well its not just in Asian culture. If your friends know that you have your own place they should basically know that the next best gift is money. You really should not have to ask or register for things that you dont need.

I agree. Any wedding that I've gone to where the bride and groom already live together and have all the stuff you would normally register for, I've just given them cash. It's just common sense.

[carolina24]

Quote:

Originally Posted by luchdiamond Well its not just in Asian culture. If your friends know that you have your own place they should basically know that the next best gift is money. You really should not have to ask or register for things that you dont need.

i agree with this as well. FI and I both had our own place when we started dating and we bought our place together 2 years ago so a registry is out of the question. We are registering for the 2 showers that my mom and MOH insist on throwing (I'd be fine without).

As for the wedding gifts, we put this info on our website in the Q&A section; something like...

Q: Where is the couple registered?
A: Being there is your gift to us, for this reason Alex and I have decided to not have an official registry. If you still feel inclined to give, we would really appriciate a donation to the "new couch and curtains fund"

Also my mom and MOH are in charge of spreading the word if anyone asks.

Money is always an acceptable wedding gift and i'm sure your american friends will understand.

[Mkandola]

For my wedding, I have generally stated to my friends and family that a gift is not necessary since they are already coming to my wedding. As far as I am concerned, their gift to me is their presence at the wedding.

 

I will be having a bridal shower for the people who cant make it to the wedding ... and I will register for that.

[midnight24]

also remember if you are having a destination wedding not everyone will give you a gift (cash or not) as some people feel a gift is not necessary since they are spending the money to travel to your wedding. you may not agree with that, but it's a reality.

[Mrs Price 2010]

Why not introduce your traditions to your American friends, send out an insert with your invites explaining Asian traditions and Dowry - and wanting to keep with this tradition ask for cash presents!