venting bride to be about neg. guest comments

[brecluse]

I guess I'm surprised that people are getting so much sh*t for their DWs. Maybe because we only invited 24 people or maybe because we are having a AHR, or maybe because we are "older" (and they are just happy we are finally marrying), we haven't heard anything negative. Everyone is excited about the wedding, the place and about having a vacation. I've never heard of so many people that didn't appreciate a good vacation, what is the world coming to?

 

Now about the AHR, the question of me having a shower, and the idea of us wanting cash for our presents, I am getting grief about those left and right. It makes me happy that I'm not planning a wedding for 150+ people to attend.

 

[vale]

Hi

 

My boyfriend and I have finally decided to get married (after 20 years together) and we haven't told anyone yet.

 

But when we do i'll let you know their comments but I'm of the mind that as long as my boyfriend, myself and our three children are there, then if anyone else comes it will be a bonus.

 

Valerie

[evonut]

What gets me fuming is the insensitive comments a few friends made:

 

Girlfriend: "Oh, I won't be able to make it to your Maya Riviera wedding because I have renovations; we fired the contractor and now he put a lien on our house, etc."

 

I was fine with that comment...until she said in the same breath, "I'm so stressed out...I need so need a vacation. Thank goodness me and so-and-so will be going to Hong Kong."

 

 

Another girlfriend: "I can't afford it, have a mortgage to pay, our debts from our wedding, etc."

 

Then when invited to my shower AND family rehearsal dinner, she couldn't make it because she's going on a two-week vacation to Fiji. (7 months before that, she was on another vacation to Cancun.)

 

 

You can't afford to go to my wedding, but somehow can afford a two weeks vacation to Hong Kong/Fiji!!!---I was SO hurt.

[starchild]

Oh I know all about the no money lines. Some people really can't afford it, and I have no bad feelings toward them. But, I too had guests who said it was too expensive and spent thousands of dollars on other recreational things. Why not be honest and say they don't want to go? At least they wouldn't be hypocrites. It stings a bit at first but in the end it doesn't matter.

 

BTW, the ones who did that to me haven't called to see how the wedding was and I haven't called to tell them. I guess they didn't belong on the guest list in the first place, but sure as shi*t if I didn't invite them they would have been upset. Go figure.

[KLS1982]

when me and my fiance went home over the holidays, we went with my parents to our neighbors Christmas party. Most of the people I didn't know, but others were people i haven't seen in years. Granted me and my FI are young (23), but the comments we were getting when we talked about our wedding (keep in mind, they brought it up) were unreal. One lady just shook her head and said "they could use that money on a down payment for a house." I WAS SO PISSED. I actually responded back, as polite as i could, "well we OWN our condo so we've already taken care of that." Another lady was like "so you're expecting to have people just fly out to Mexico to see your wedding." uhhh, yes master of the obvious, that is how it would have to happen. but thanks for pointing it out! UGH, people are just plain rude.

[nat4crim]

I'm so happy I chose to have a DW but at times I just want to pull my hair out with all the drama that has been going on. Originally I wanted to have a small civil ceremony and spend the $ to go to Europe but FH wanted a ceremony for his family to be there. So I love to travel, love the beach and always considered a DW and when we found Las Caletas we were convinced. Ironically, only his parents, one aunt and unlce and brother will be attending. So much for having a ceremony for his family.

 

Here are some comments I've heard..

 

"Tell you're dad to stop being so cheap and to throw a proper wedding here so we can all attend" I just looked at her and said, #1 it is not my Dad's responsibility to pay for my wedding, he helped with my education, #2 we are having a wedding in Mexico because it is our dream wedding and #3 what makes you think it is so much more inexpensive?

 

"You realize you won't be getting any gifts/money?" Oh really, wow, I never thought about that!! Let me change all my plans, have a wedding that I totally don't want (large, traditional) all so I can get $. I did not realize the most important day of my life should be about making $.

 

"We will attend your AHR" GRRR...this just pisses me off. We are not having one but somehow FMIL went around telling FH's family members she was planing a celebration for us and his friends. We told her several times, we are only having one wedding, one celebration. We are not spending $ to fly out so you can throw a party that is more about you and all of FH's friends. I guess my family/friends don't matter.

 

"At least there is not alot to plan and there is no stress on your part" WTF? If you saw my list of things to do, you would eat your words.

 

My 2 Favourites:

 

From FH's Aunt, "If you were getting married in February in Cuba we would certainly come but I'm sure you can understand that we can't afford 2 vacations in one year" I understand, so why don't you just come to Mexico and forgo going to Cuba for the thousand time. It would mean alot to us to have you there, especially Justin you are his aunt. Her response" Oh you guys are young and so you tend to think everything is important and are overly sensitive" WTF? It's our wedding, you cow of course we think its important. My anger towards her stems that till this day she has yet to call and tell my fiancee that she can't attend. She is too chicken. Everytime she sees him she walks away. For Christmas and his birthday she dropped off a gift at some random door in our building. Lady you can't buy his love.

 

Now this is the one that really hits home. I went to my sister's DW a few years ago. We were poor, I was a student and it was very expensive, plus we had to pay to kennel our dog. But there was no hesitation, we were not going to miss my sister's wedidng. Fast forward to our DW, she has decided she can't afford to come. This coming from a woman who travels to the Carribean 1 to 2 times a year, has a nanny, maid, expensive cars, large house, and who announced proudly at Christmas that she got herself a personal trainer and a $1000 Christmas tree because the old one did not look as nice in their new house. I'm so glad her priorities are straight, I mean her sister's wedding or a nicer Christmas tree. I don't know, the decision is oh so tough...

 

What I say to all DW brides is forget about all these negative people...our weddings will be awesome and why would we want all these negative people to share in our day. They are just jealous because they had a cookie cutter wedding, with so many people that they did not have time to enjoy their guests. Think about it, a wedding of 200 people, just to spend one minute with each guest is over 3 hours of your night. And by the way, its our wedding!!! Don't you get it?

[DanielleNDerek]

OMG, I'm trying not to talk to my grandmother because if i have to hear "i hope your going to at least get married by a priest. or i will be really disappointed." My family doesn't even to go church!!!

 

Oh and "i don't know if we can travel that far" this is coming from people who travel a lot farther to college football games on the weekend.

 

"Oh, anyone can come can't they. It's not like your paying for a reception. everyone just pays for themself." Hello I'm paying for a reception and not anyone can come, that's what the invitations I sent out are for. It's not someone's family vacation. It's my wedding and a vacation with the people I want to spend the time with.

 

"did you have to pick somewhere so expensive" NO I DIDNT. i could of picked a shack on the beach but i that's not what i wanted. if you don't want to spend the mula than don't go!!!

 

Wow that vent session really did feel good!!!

[junebride2b]

I am so glad you started this thread. My FMIL was like "Well I was going to help you guys pay for stuff, but now that we have to pay to go to your wedding we can't afford it". She even said that she is working extra hours to pay for the flights?? Really..she can afford it..why does every one want to take away from our day

[Betsy]

This is the best thread ever! I am so glad I am not alone here. My grandma actually said to me - "I don't think we are going to go because it looks too alcohol oriented." WTF? Like just because there is free alcohol it is going to be some alcoholic freakshow?? I was too stunned to say anything! There would be free alcohol if we were getting married here for pete's sake! I love all the comments to give to people - I am seriously going to start using them!!

[becks]

I guess I've been pretty lucky - only one real comment, which just made me laugh...

 

FMIL says "dear, I know it's FI's second wedding, but it's your first. You can have it anywhere you want." My response was "and that is exactly what I'm doing."

 

God bless friends, loved ones and family who get that it is what I want. And god bless a small guest list, too.