He wants out...

[MSBRANDI]

I too, am coming to this thread late. My FH has been out of work for about a year and a half. It has been hard, but we are maintaining. We have been each other's support system. I am glad that you both are going to counseling, and are willing. That is a major step. If you have to postpone your wedding, it will be ok. I wish you both the best of luck and hope everything works out.

[MrsJones2Be]

I am also coming to this post late, but I know exactly what you are going through. The problem is that we as women will never fully understand what a man feels when he can't provide for his woman. I am glad that you guys are going to counseling, that is the best thing. I will definitely keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

[hockeymom97]

Hi Jenna - I just wanted to see if you were still around, and how everything was working out with you, your fiance and the counseling? I hope all is well.

[bsf&jpg]

Im so sorry. It sounds like its hard on his pride/manhood. While he is out of work, can he volunteer somewhere to occupy his time? Maybe getting his foot in the door that way will open more opportunities.

Im really sorry. I can only imagine how this is hurting you both.

I hope it all works out.

Pray

[miss_delerium]

I am so sorry. I wish you all the best and hope everything works out.

[blckrevpower]

I'm late too! But I do want to ask: has your boyfriend actually proposed to you? and said "will you marry me?"

if not, then he has no plans to marry you. i don't want to sound harsh, but if he really hasn't said those words then you guys might not be getting married.

i did a lot of looking around and watching bridal shows and all that WAY before my FI asked me to marry him. but none of that mattered because the wedding wasn't happening if he didn't ask me

so i waited and waited until he was ready

we went through a situation when he didn't have work and it was HARD!!!!! we weren't engaged then, but it was still tough on us. men just don't feel like men without a job.

i'm sorry you are going through this and i know it must be hard, but he is in no position to be married. if you guys get married as planned, the issue about the job is just going to fester and become a negative in the marriage.

it's good you guys are going to counseling. . . hope it all works out for you

[blckrevpower]

Oh and I would just like to say that I agree with TheFutureMrs.Brown . . . I know it's hard, trust me I know.

But if he hasn't asked you to marry him, why are you sending out invitations?

[aeluzu]

Jenna, just wanted to see if you're still around. I hope that everything has worked out for the two of you. This is a very tough and stressful situation. Just think, if you two can make it through this, then you can make it through anything.

[JennandMike08]

I am still here every now and then. Its hard to stick around here while folks are making plans.

@BlkRevPower, (and all others wondering) yes, he did ask me to marry him. While it wasn't an all out fabulous proposal, he did ask. The ring just never came due to family and personal issues, and ultimately loss of job. I would have never sent out invitations/planning without him asking. I never wanted a wedding in the first place, I was content with going to the court. But he didn't want to exclude his family b/c they are big on celebrating huge events together so we compromised on the DW, which he was extremely excited about.

 

We have been doing MUCH better. He will actually be starting a temp job next week and has gone back to school to keep his mind occupied. He is also really good at golf, so he has picked it back up as well. We have both been better although postponing is still not off the table. While planning has come to a halt, we have gotten a lot financial offers to help pull this off in the financial aspect. We are actually going to make a final decision this week whether to wait or not. We decided not to rush to make a decision about the actual DW, but to think about whats best for us individually and as a family. I have been going on his lead and he has been the one saying don't postpone....but I'm waiting just to be sure. Him keeping busy has definitely been huge.

All in all things are looking up in a lot of ways and we have learned to lean on each other by communicating a lot more and the realization that we are really all we have. In the recent weeks we have spent a lot more time alone, sometimes up talking til 4am.

One thing I probably haven't mentioned before is that we do have a son together. Solidifying our union is crucial to us as a family. So either way we are looking at getting married in the near future, even if its just through the court. The actual DW is a separate issue.

 

According to him, he really needed some assurance that I am supporting him emotionally and not going to leave him through this. He's also needed some positive reinforcement regarding the things he DOES and me not focusing on what he DOESN'T do. That was a huge revelation for me. Although I would never wish this on anyone, this is truly something I think has caused us to focus more on each other.

 

Thanks for the support and asking how I am!

[eholt]

JennandMike08, I am glad to hear things are going better. You two have to do what works best for you and I applaud you both for sticking it through and most importantly working together. Tough times are what help us to grow together. Some people will have something to say about every decision you guys make, but you have to do what works best for you and the family.

When it comes down to it, you two want to marry each other and it shouldn't matter if its @ the courthouse, in your backyard or the living room. The DW is icing on the cake, but you can make magic happen anywhere you choose. Seems like you all have the support of family and that is oh so important. Continue to grow and love one another. It will all work itself out!