He wants out...

[diamondpooch]

As awful as it is to have to hear you're going through this, sometimes it is nice to hear the testimonials of other women who have gone through similar situations. This board is so full of hapiness all the time, sometimes, for those going through marital strife, it can make you feel like your wedding is doomed since everyone else is so happy! It's good to know that all married (or engaged) couples go through rough times. I hope you can fight through it and make it through.

[kclyburn]

Best of luck to you. Many thoughts and prayers as I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. In the end there are three things that last: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love.

[Girasole]

So sorry to hear this. I hope everything works out for the best. Counseling is a good direction to help you guys talk but definitely postponing the wedding will give you both time to work things out. His feelings are not going to go away overnight or change because you got married. Work together & make sure he knows you are hearing his concern as hard as it might be for you.

[JennandMike08]

Hi ladies, thanks for all the words of encouragement. So therapy was a huge help. He isn't really feeling suicidal, according to him. We talked A LOT through the session and came up with come good coping mechanisms.

Basically he is feeling pretty inadequate and wanting to provide me with what he thinks I deserve. He needs reassurance that I am able to be there for him through it all, but also feels that I have sacrificed more than my fair share and doesn't want that anymore. We prayed a lot and thought its time to get back to a spiritual foundation, which is very important to us, but a factor we have strayed away from in recent years. He admitted that he hated the field in which he was working and we talked about some of the things he wants to do and maybe he should consider pursuing those even if it means going back to school. Many people are retransforming themselves in this economy because they can't find jobs in their field. He felt really good after the session and we are still in talks about postponing. Really, I just want to be happy...we still aren't sure because while he says he still wants to go through with it, I think deep down he doesn't.

[Jennybell1]

Im really happy to hear that your session went well and you both were able to communicate what you needed. I think you have exactly the right idea - you want to be happy....that is what we all want and need....so make sure you keep that in the back of your mind always. You need to be happy - you need to come first in that aspect, then worry about others. If you are not happy, the people around you wont be happy either. That much you need to do for yourself.

Good luck and I wish you both all the best!

[mlabbe]

Jenna, this is still fresh, so take a few days / weeks to see how it goes. Maybe in the end he'll really want to go along with it, or perhaps not. I think if he knows that there is less immediate pressure it could help.

 

You're right, the importance is to be happy and I'm so glad that the session went well and helped. Keep talking and you will get through this stronger!

[JanineA]

Hi Jenna glad to hear the therapy session helped and at least gave you some fresh tools to use. I have to agree with mlabbe. Everything is still so fresh give it some time but most of all give him the benefit of the doubt. I think less pressure all around will alleviate the situation some. Most of all stay positive and united in this. Glad to also hear that you are working on a spiritual foundation. Even if you think deep down he doens't don't show it cause it couldn't only cause more tension. Know that your fellow besties are thinking of you and always hoping that things turn out for the best and your happiness.

[MysTea]

Hello Jenn,

I think the main thing is to work on making your relationship tighter. Maybe postponing will be the best thing to do, we wont ever understand what it means to be a man, and yes it is a lot to do with feeling inadequate. I say work on your relationship and yes he should try and pursue something he really loves and when that is all squared off, It will all work itself out. If there is Un-Parallel Love present. Things will fall into place. Keep communicating and let him know he is not alone. You are a team and that's what makes relationships work.

 

Blessings-

[JennandMike08]

Thanks ladies. I think he has gotten an extra boost of energy in the last few days. We have continued to talk about the importance of a spiritual base and he has asked me for help in rewriting his resume, and looking into some schools. We're taking it day by day.

[mexico102]

I so glad to see you two are doing better!