Ahr vent!!!

[jenninjamaica]

I am so frustrated that I want to scream! I hate being the centre of attention and that's why my FI and I decided to have a DW, so it could be small without offending anyone. But his mom keeps trying to make us have a big deal and its driving me crazy! On Saturday we asked my brother and his gf if we could host a party at their new place to celebrate our wedding with those who couldn't make it to Jamaica. The idea being a casual BBQ/marshmallow roast, and just BYOB. Nothing fancy, not really an AHR, just a party with some family and friends.

 

Well Sunday FI's parents are mad because they have already booked a space at a park for a BBQ with 300 people! When they told me I just started crying. Its so NOT what I want and I've explained it so many times that I can't believe they've done it anyway. My anxiety level is so high I'm afraid I will make myself sick. FI knows how I feel, but thinks its the same idea, and doesn't think that many people will come, so I should just let them do it because weddings are for the family, not just us. But I disagree because everything has been about his mom from the very beginning.

 

I don't know what to do. Just needed to vent!!

[Shoesiesluvr]

hey jenn, sorry that your feeling this way over your FI's parents trying to push something on you...you have to remember that it is YOU that is getting married and not them and ultimately if you dont want something or do not feel comfortable with their idea you shouldnt have to do it. I think that you guys should definitely go thru with your original idea of the smaller get together, because this is something that you are going to remember forever and you are not going to be happy if you go along with their plans just to please them.

[luciel2820]

I understand what you mean I want to do something small too.

 

If you FMIL already booked the space then tell her you only want a small amount of ppl there if all you want is 50 say 30 because we all know how some people like to over invite and sit down with her and make the list and let her know that you would really like it to be an intimate setting.

[josietoms]

Oh i really feel for you - as although i come across as a confident person within my group of friends - i do not like being centre of attention. You will only make yourself ill with all the worry and stress if you dont try and sort this out soon. If you get on well with your FMIL why not suggest sitting down and putting a list of people together for your party and you cap the number to what you feel comfortable with. Weddings are for families but it is also YOUR wedding it is entirely up to you how you decide to celebrate and those closet to you who know you well wouldnt want to see you feeling uncomfortable as it would make the guests feel uncomfortable as well when it should be a time to celebrate.

I hope you manage to sort it out xx

[kelly1214]

jenn, i know how you feel. I'm in the same boat except it's my mom that keeps pushing. I've told her many times I don't want anything and i finally gave in after her endless nagging. I wish I wouldn't have. I just want to cry everytime she asks me about it.

 

We already have alot of issues. So I feel if I told her no and insisted on it, it would completely distroy our relationship.

 

You're not alone.

[Girasole]

Sorry Jenn! Maybe you should try to talk to your husbands mom yourself and just explain that you really feel uncomfortable in large groups and ask that she reconsider just having a small backyard event so you don't feel out of place the entire time. Good luck.

[hockeymom97]

Jenn - I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going thru and I'm sure a lot of brides on here, including myself can understand how it feels to have family members forcing their ideas on you when it comes to a DW. You said that you started crying when FI's parents told you about it....how did they react to that? If I told someone something and they started crying I would just feel terrible and would def take that as a hint that the other person did NOT like what I told them. I can't believe that they would want to go thru with the big party, knowing how unhappy you are about it

[StephyD]

I'm sorry to hear that. I can totally relate though... my future MIL is the same with us. Our wedding is 10 months away and she is already driving me nuts. She wants a big extravagant wedding and neither of us want that. It's just not us.

 

I think you need to go throught with what you and your fiancé want. It's your day, after all!

[Gatorgirl]

 

Tell her its YOUR day and to back off!  If you don't want a lot of people, then so be it! That angers me that she's sabatoging what you want! 

 

I would do it how you want and send out your own invitations for whatever and wherever you like! 

 

Hang in there sista!

[hatfiehm]

Hey Ladies. I find myself in a similar position, but its my mother...not mother-in-law who has her own ideas about the reception.  I have pulled back completely from sharing details with her for now (we still have lots of time to go) and politely told her that a whole other wedding back at home was neither in our budget NOR in our plans.  I told her that the reception was on the back burner for now and that it would be a casual celebration.  She seems to have backed off for now.  I initially tried to explain to her our reasons for wanting a destination wedding, but that didnt work very well. She seems to have her own agenda, or feel that a wedding is mostly for the family. Shes even insinuated that we are doing what our friends want, but not our family.  For me personally, its about a celebration of our commitment to each other.  Others being there is just a bonus.  I feel for you! Keep your chin up!