Crazy MIL - help!

[bride7474]

My MIL is driving me crazy!!!! I don't even know where to start the list. FI and I have been together for 5 years and all of the MIL problems started when we got engaged 2.5 years ago. The night we got engaged we called the family/friends and his MIL was upset that she wasn't here to witness the engagement (no one was, it was just FI and I).. anyways she threw such a fit that I almost wanted to give the ring back. Now when I think back to the night I got engaged, I don't remember how it happened, how happy I was, all I remember is how upset I was!!

 

A few months ago she told me to start eating sweet potato fries, so I can have a better chance of twins, that way there is one for FI and I, and one for her. All she ever does is talk about "grand kids" and its to the point where she is scaring me away from even wanting kids. FI and I joke about having to close all the blinds and lock the doors because she won't leave us alone.

 

FI and I are getting legally married a month before going down to Cabo and initially we were going to go by ourselves to the court house, but since none of the Grandparents are physically able to make it to Cabo, we decided to do it in the backyard with Grandparents and Parents.. we made it very clear that no one else was invited. I even called my brother and his wife to explain the situation, because I didnt want any hard feelings. Well a couple of weeks ago MIL and FIL were over and MIL says that my FIs brother has decided hes going to come to the legal wedding instead of the Cabo wedding. Thank gosh FI lost it and said "he doesn't have that option - he's not invited"

 

Here is the most recent issue and the one that put me over the edge to actually write this note. MIL bought a white dress to wear to our wedding.

 

I'm at the point where I don't even know what to do anymore with her. There is always something new. My life is like that "monster in law" movie lol

 

I don't know how to deal with her without making anything akward. FI says things when he is around and hears them, but for the most part MIL waits until he is out of the room to throw her little jabs out there.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with MIL?

 

Right now my strategy is to stay away from her. (they live in the same town as us by the way)

[YIweddings]

I wish I had something brilliant to tell you that it will all be ok! I can tell you that there is nothing you can do to make what she is doing anymore awkward. She did that all by herself.

 

I would love to say that if it was my MIL I would stand up to her but I am all talk. Yet I would encourage you to make yourself heard because it will never stop unless she is made aware that there is a problem and she will not always get her way. You have a better chance if your FI is on your side or you may fighting be a losing battle. And it sounds like he is, so that is good. But don't fight fire with fire.

 

It shouldn't have to be about right and wrong but there should be boundaries. I think the white dress crossed that boundary for me. The twin for herself just freaked me out. I hope she was joking!

 

Maybe those boundaries should include less face to face time. No one deserves to be talked down to and no one has to stay there and listen to it. I have just 'taken it' for so many years from a number of places and I'm beginning to crack, if I don't walk out of a room I know I'll say something I regret. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder', well maybe not in this case! lol

 

Being the better person will make you feel better and you won't be the only one to recognize it.

[bride7474]

I wish she was joking about the twin thing too, but she wasn't. She is obsessed with FI and I have kids, it freaks me out. She says stuff like "your kids will NOT go to a babysitter, I will be taking care of them when you go back to work". (who's to say I'll go back to work?!".

 

I'm so happy that I am not the only one going through MIL problems on here.

 

Whenever I do the "disappearing act" they tell FI that I hate them.

[becks]

Yeah... mothers in law... I tell every woman I know to marry an orphan. and then I wonder why they laugh.

 

I can't stand mine. And it's next to impossible because everything she does comes from the right place, and is well intended, but it's just so awful.

 

I've had her tell me not to lift heavy things because it would damage my womb (yes, she said womb).

 

I've had her tell me that I should share things with her the way I do with my mom because my mom lives on the other coast.

 

I've had her come to my house (mind you, the day after the housekeeper was there), and offer to clean.

 

I've had her go through my personal papers (while I was at work) and call me to see if she can organize them for me. (Yes, even my tax returns.)

 

I don't like to hug or kiss her when she visits, but she grabs me and kisses me anyway, even when I push her away. And ALWAYS leaves a massive orangy-red lipstick mark on my face.

 

It's never ending. And it doesn't help that my MIL comes from a generation older than my mom and a culture where mothers are invasive. I've sat down with her privately and had conversations about boundaries, and it's helped... for about a week each time.

 

On the white dress, it is inappropriate. And anyone who knows anything about wedding manners knows you don't wear white unless your the bride. Personally, I'd suggest having you FI say something. Like "mom, you know it's unacceptable for anyone other than the bride to wear white. Maybe you should save that for another occasion and find a new dress." Don't get involved in this one.

 

He's your FI's mother, make him control her.

[FutureMrsRobart]

Oh My Word!! I'd like to know what generation she comes from that she doesn't realize that it is beyond tacky to wear white to someone's wedding (unless of course its been stipulated - I was invited to an 'All-White Wedding' once). I mean come on. Honestly, that your FI mum and he should deal with her the same way it would be your place to deal with your own mother if she clearly did not know how to act. You I think should kill her with kindness; you FI needs to stand up to his mother and tell her once and for all what her role is and to stay in it! {{{HUGS}}} hun. No one should have to deal with that nonsense.

[mnh1983]

I'm starting to get the picture that ALL MILs are crazy! I know mine is for sure! She doesn't seem to like anything we do, and she is super nosy.

 

BTW, it seriously creeps me out that she wants one of your babies for herself. WTH

 

Your fiance needs to talk to her about all of this. It sounds like you have tried, but as her son, he needs to say enough is enough. If she is taking things this far now, imagine how she'll be in 20 years!

[*HOLLY*]

Serioulsy you need to get your FI on the wagon of telling her to STFU otherwise it will continue and get worse. I finally lost it after we got married I point blank told my MIL I will not play their games anymore. Its always something about me and how I dont say hi or talk enough to them. I looked at my husband the day I told her off and said I am done and they say anything he needs to step up.

[Thomasjsgirl]

Your MIL is beyond messed up! She's definitely one brick short of a load -- seriously, who believes that sweet potatoes will result in twins? And then to wear white at her son's wedding! FI needs to shame her into submission on that one by explaining that its his wedding, not hers.

 

You must really, really, love your FI as I'm sure she could scare anyone away. It sounds like he gets it and is willing to support you. May-be some couple's counselling wouldn't hurt as a therapist may be able to provide you both with advice and the tools you need to deal with her, without having to cut off all contact.

 

And it's BEYOND creepy that she's already claimed one of your "twins" as her own. This lady needs help, fast.

[*HOLLY*]

I will have to say a few times I was going to throw in the towel because of the family. I just kept thinking to myself I am marrying him not his family. Yes the family is going to be around but this is your new life together. I also live like 2 miles away from my IL's.

[bride7474]

It's so nice to have other people to rant and rave to about my MIL. My FI told her about an hour ago NO WHITE DRESS.. absolutely NOT it is so innappropriate, so now she has asked if she can wear black.

 

When I told my MOH about the white dress, her immediate response was "did it come with a matching veil?!"

 

I told FI the other night that if he didnt deal with his mom, she would be the end of our relationship, because its just TOO much.

 

We got this ridiculous message on our answering machine a while ago because my FI and I didnt visit on our days off (god forbid us have a life outside of her), anyways the message was along the lines of "I have no idea if my son even lives here, I would feel awfully silly calling the wrong number and leaving a message to someone else, where did my son go" blah blah.. it went on for about 5 minutes of that.