Potential to turn out bad! Need advice

[Holly22]

So she would be around 9 months now? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'm sorry but what baby at her age doesn't want their mommies. By the time your wedding is here she will be a toddler. The difference will be huge. I can't believe your FSIL is being nice about this.

If someone in my family said my daughter couldn't be the flower girl because the dress might get stained I would say find someone else. Not to mention the baby might cry? She will be walking by then I'm sure her dad could walk her away so she wouldn't ruin your wedding. She is your neice. I'm kind of shocked you wouldn't want her in your wedding to share that special day. When she is older I'm sure she would love to know she was not a flower girl because she may have stained a dress with a few flower petals. Wow... im sorry but I'm a mother and I just find it offensive.

[JanineA]

I'm sorry you find this offensive Holly but as you can see from the posts other mothers on here understand exactly what I mean and share my sentiments. Of course thank you for sharing your opinion though. It wasn't so much that I didn't want her there but couldn't think of other options (yes I will admit I didn't know what else to suggest other than her not being there, as a matter of fact the grandmother of the child even asked what I was going to do). Luckily alot of the ladies can see it from a different perspective and were able to offer positive suggestions which I will be using.

[damaris]

HI Janine, I have a similar situation. I have 2 flower girls, 1 is 5 and the other is 2, and a ring bearer. My ring bearer is also 2. My problem is that my nephew's 2 and niece's 2 are at two different levels. My niece gets it and understands because she will do anything big Sis does. Also I find that she is very good at understanding and communicating. Seriously she's like a miniature adult. My Nephew, not so much. He is a vivacious boy who will no way in the world walk down that aisle correctly.... And to be honest I'm ok with it. I have come to terms with the fact that if that's the worse that can happen, then I had a great wedding. Truth is there will be so many things that you can't control that day, and quite frankly even if she cries most people won't remember or feel that it ruins your wedding. If all else fails you can also talk to your FSIL. Trust me no one knows their kids and their antics better then the Mom. I'm sure she's also trying to figure what to do with her before the ceremony. Like having her take a nap, a bottle or favorite toy handy. Good Luck!!

[JanineA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shuzzy I went through this same thing at another wedding I went to. I was actually the mom of the 2yr old though and my FI was doing the cermony ( he is ordained). My daughter was the same way at that age. I actually thought about my daughter ruining the wedding before hand and took care of it myself. Your FSIL prob has something planned too if she gets out of hand. Don't stress, I'm sure that she doesn't want her to scream and cry as much as you don't. She prob will have a plan to remedy the situation....don't worry. And I don't think its selfish to not want her ruining it. Its your day!

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaris HI Janine, I have a similar situation. I have 2 flower girls, 1 is 5 and the other is 2, and a ring bearer. My ring bearer is also 2. My problem is that my nephew's 2 and niece's 2 are at two different levels. My niece gets it and understands because she will do anything big Sis does. Also I find that she is very good at understanding and communicating. Seriously she's like a miniature adult. My Nephew, not so much. He is a vivacious boy who will no way in the world walk down that aisle correctly.... And to be honest I'm ok with it. I have come to terms with the fact that if that's the worse that can happen, then I had a great wedding. Truth is there will be so many things that you can't control that day, and quite frankly even if she cries most people won't remember or feel that it ruins your wedding. If all else fails you can also talk to your FSIL. Trust me no one knows their kids and their antics better then the Mom. I'm sure she's also trying to figure what to do with her before the ceremony. Like having her take a nap, a bottle or favorite toy handy. Good Luck!!

Thanks ladies! Damaris you are right there will probably be many things I can't control. Thank you ladies for all the reassurance most of all that things will work out and for all the positive suggestions. Some times when you are panicked it is hard to see past what you are thinking and I am glad that you ladies were kind enough to share your positive ideas and suggestions on how this could be handled. My future mother in law was worried about the same thing so I guess I did have justification in being a little bit worried. But now I feel confident that I can put things in place that will make this a non-issue.

[Meitra]

JanineA -- you are not being selfish at all. I'm actually quite suprised by the few mothers on here that are saying otherwise. Your wedding is about you and your future husband. I have told everyone coming to my wedding that it is adults only. If they can't find a sitter or don't want to leave the kids at home, then they don't have to come at all. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you shouldn't feel bad about it one bit.

 

Now, after having said my 2 cents, I must say that I do like the ideas that everyone has given you to keep the toddler quiet, and I think you are doing a great job at being more than accomodating

[*Meagan*]

hmmmm I think you should have her as your flower girl, there are no rules stating a flower girl must throw petals. She doesn't have to throw anything at all, she can look cute just walking down the aisle in a cute dress or carrying a cute pail of flowers or throwing confetti.. anything the list is endless.... and then that way she can be by her mother through the entire ceremony and you won't have to worry about anyone else holding the child or worrying about her.

 

I understand its your wedding day etc.. but there are many ways to make it work... for everyone

[JanineA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meitra JanineA -- you are not being selfish at all. I'm actually quite suprised by the few mothers on here that are saying otherwise. Your wedding is about you and your future husband. I have told everyone coming to my wedding that it is adults only. If they can't find a sitter or don't want to leave the kids at home, then they don't have to come at all. If you don't want kids at your wedding, you shouldn't feel bad about it one bit. Now, after having said my 2 cents, I must say that I do like the ideas that everyone has given you to keep the toddler quiet, and I think you are doing a great job at being more than accomodating

Thanks Meitra! I really like your monogram, can I ask did you make/design it yourself?
Meagan in hindsight the FSIL herself aslo agreed baby M would not make it down the aisle as a flower girl and as Krys said it is an enourmous amount of pressure to put on a baby. We are going to have her there and have things handy in case she would like to play in the sand or anything at all.

[KimmyD]

I let everyone know right from the beginning, there are no children allowed. My resort is adults only, so that helps.

[Lady_Di]

I would never thought to exclude my future niece/nephews just because they could ruin my ceremony. The youngest is 4 years old. I also have two 1 year old babies as guests and i am TOTALLY fine with it. I trust that their mothers will walk away and calm them down while the ceremony is in the process. Trust your family/friends to help you out.

 

I agree that your FSIL can ask someone in charge to take the baby away as soon she starts crying. There is a reason why there is a quiet room in every church. =)

[hoyt75]

At our wedding we said adults only and we meant it. No kids. Period. Of course several people were upset, mainly my sil b/c they couldn't bring their 1 yo twins which also meant that they couldn't come to our dw, but that's just how it goes. My brother couldn't bring his 3 kids either.

 

I think you should be honest with the mom and let her know how you feel and what your concerns are. Make sure to have a few backup plans just incase baby M gets cranky. It doesn't make you a baby hater just b/c you don't want kids around.