confessed too much - please delete thread

carolina24 · May 29, 2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by mexbride83

Did you end up deciding to stick with your ring? For good or just till an anniversary?

I have mixed feelings on this subject. Personally, I don't think it's the diamond that means something, but the ring. Therefore, trading up to bigger/better diamonds in the future doesn't change the meaning of the ring he gave you. My mother has the same ring that my father proposed to her with, it just now holds a much larger diamond in it. But it's still her engagement ring, the one in her wedding pics, etc. So I have nothing at all against upgrading.

However, while I say that, I also did tell my fiance that I never want an upgrade, because I want to have a diamond that I keep my whole life and pass on to our kids. Therefore, of course, I wanted it to be big:)

We talked a lot about ring shopping, and he knew what was important to me, then he did a TON of research on his own! He seriously became a diamond expert, the salesgirl has told me that she thinks he may know more than she does, haha. It means so much to me that he did all of that work, and I can't even imagine how upset I'd be if I found out that he didn't even NOTICE imperfections. When my FI gave me my ring, he was trying to show me it help up to different lights to show there was no florescence or to try to get me to find a flaw, etc. He was so proud of how well he'd chosen! And that is what I think the pride is that md2002 is talking about. If your fiance hasn't done that, I don't see why he would care if you paid for an upgrade yourself!

On a side note, my biggest request was color, and that was the one area my fiance compromised in. I said I wanted D or E and mine is a G (this compromise helped him to bump it up to a 2.15ct, so I'm not complaining!). But honestly, I had no idea until he told me, months later. When you're not looking at two diamonds side by side, you'd never know what color they are in that part of the scale. So sometimes those scales mean nothing, it's how they appear to the naked eye (which clearly is the part you are unhappy with!).

this sounds just like my FI!!! we went looking at rings early march and he bought the setting and wedding band right away cause we both loved it!
then he had the store bring in (and send back) several stones until he got the one he thought was amazing! we didnt get engaged till july!! and when he gave it to me, he was so proud and had me look at it from different angles and lights, etc.

i found out later that they offered him a bigger stone, but the cut and clarity wasn't as good so he turned it down because of the lack of sparkle

I would never think about upgrading my ring, but that's because he really put time and effort into getting me an absolutely beautiful stone. the jeweler offers an upgrade where you trade in your stone and just pay the difference, but FI knows i wouldn't ever trade it in...I'd have the stone made into a pendant or something b/c it means a lot to both of us!!

jajajaja · May 29, 2010

First, I kinda have to stick up for the poor guy getting somewhat dogged for not noticing imperfections. Maybe I'm not the norm, but diamonds aren't that important to me so I've spent very little of my life actually learning about them. Sure, I like to wear them, but if I can eye it and say "yep, pretty" then it's all good in my book. Maybe your FI didn't realize how important the actual quality of the diamond was to you.

My DH spent months finding the perfect ring. My sister personally shopped with him on a lot of the trips and she told me he was so picky. He probably picked up on some of the diamond language (clarity, color, etc) through all those visits, but there is NO way he researched. He eventually told me that he picked my ring because of the style reminded him of me and he loved the way the diamond sparkles- and I couldn't agree more.

So maybe your FI didn't "research" they way you would, but that doesn't necessarily mean that his effort to pick out the ring was thoughtless. Since the only issue you have with your ring is the clarity of the diamond (obviously not the style), I'm guessing that he DID think about you while picking a ring. It's unfair to assume otherwise.

MysTea · May 30, 2010

I say keep it..and upgrade at a later date...Like an anniversary...But with discussion. I would love a bigger, more sparkly diamond, but I got what I got and am happy to be getting married... Yaaayy US!

diamondpooch · June 13, 2010

Boo, I don't think you're being ridiculous. It is definitely a hard conversation though. I can understand how you feel that if you can see inclusions with the naked eye quite easily that you would prefer a better clarity. Maybe no one at the jewelry store took any time to educate your FI on the things he should be looking for in a diamond? If clarity is that important to you, maybe you could suggest dropping down in size so you can get a better clarity in your stone Just a thought.

Yes, the ring is, most imprortantly, a symbol of love and marriage, but it's hard to know how someone feels about having visible inclusions in their ring until you have them in yours.

Honestly, unless you have a fiancee who you KNOW FOR SURE would be receptive to this conversation, then I say, just wait for an anniversary to upgrade. Good luck!