Guests saying that resort is too expensive...i'm so frustraded

[**~Jenn~**]

I'm sorry you are upset and stresed. :-( Hang in there.

All of the girls are right, we all go through this or something similar to it.

When you decide to have a Destination Wedding you really have to be prepared to have alot of people complain and you have to be prepared for possibly a small number of people who attend. If you don't want that and if it's really important for you to have certain people there, or even a larger # of people there, then maybe you should re-think your options.

 

I know for DH & I when we first decided to do a DW, we contacted our immediate Family who we knew that we def wanted there & wouldn't get married without and we asked them if this is something that they would be able to do. All of them said yes and in the end all of them (except my brother & his family) were able to come and also a few friends came as well. We had a small group, 23 people including us, but it was Funn and worth it. If I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would do differently was decide on having a DW sooner so more people would have the year and a half to save instead of just a couple of months.

I see that your getting married in May of 2011. I think that is enough time for the people who really matter in your life to save & come to your wedding.

I don't know just how expensive Zoetry is (I have never heard of it) but I am sure it is Do-able with over a years notice for most people.

 

In the end, please don't make your decision based on everyone else's opinion's. Make your decision based on what you and your FI want most.

Either a DW no matter who can make it, or if you would rather have everyone be able to be there, at a different location.

 

I wish you lots of luck!

[mjm]

This is your wedding day- you are inviting guests to share this day with you. Take some time out and gain some clarity on what you and H2B want to happen on your wedding day. But remember what ever you do there will be some one out there who is not happy and if you change things to suit others it dilutes the whole purpose of the day.

 

Following announcing our plans to get married- family members told ( yep told not asked or requested) me that it needed to be in school holidays- I fekt so bad that I had not even considered the school holidays in my original planning. which bumped up the price of the wedding/ holiday. So I did my research and we set a date for August 2010- then the same person told me that she would not be able to attend as to bring her family to the resort would cost too much- in other words she could not have attended the wedding irrespective of the school holidays.

 

Do what makes you happy.

[TammyWright]

hi daniela,

 

i would stick with your resort but do know that Zoetry is more expensive than most resorts in the RM...it is over $500 a night for double occupancy (and that doesn't include kids...the kids rate is about $100 per night) when most people planning DW's in RM try to stick to around $200-350 per night double occupancy just to make it easier financially so more people can attend.

 

When i first was looking at locations we looked at a resort that was $600 a night but knew only about 1/3 of our guests would feel comfortable paying that so we chose another resort that was $290 per night.

[Andi]

Daniela, most have said this already...you have to remember that this is your wedding. Take a step back and really think about what you want your day to be like. (and when I say 'your' I mean you and your FI combined )

consider the following....if you change your resort, will you be just as happy with everything as if you stayed at Zoetry? if you stayed at zoetry are you guys ok with potentially less guests attending because of the price? think about it from all angles

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jen_S I am sorry you are experiencing this but it is very typical. I think you and your FI need to talk about what is the most important to you guys. For us it was having our close friends and family members which meant we had to go for a middle of the range resort in the end our wedding was amazing and by not spending as much as we orig thought we were able to go on another honeymoon. Good Luck!!!

On the other end of what Jen said here (just to show you that it really is up to you two), for us, we decided that we truly were ok if not all our friends and family were going to make it because of costs so we stuck with our original plan and hotel choice. We decided that if it ended up being just the two of us, we were ok....and once we made that decision we just blocked out the negative comments that everyone kept telling us.

when they would "kindly" remind us of the price we would "kindly" tell them that by no means were we "expecting" them to come.

 

we planned for 35 guests, at one point we thought there would only be 15 (which again we were totally ok with) well we ended up with 36!

 

bottom line it is your guys day....you should do it how you want and feel most comfortable with!

[KittenHeart]

The girls are all spot on... I can tell you right now if I had chosen Zoetry to have my wedding at, it would be FI, myself and the pool boy as our witness. No one would have come. I realized early on that, yes I want the best and the most gorgeous resort but what was REALLY the most important thing for us both is that our close friends attend and we have a group of people there that mean the most to us that will share an incredible vacation with each other.

 

I too considered eloping and honeymooning in Europe for a month instead but what is important to me is the group aspect and I picked a resort that I liked that was in the price range for most people to come. So there was a bit of sacrifice on our part. I say you need to decide what you want, if you want to get married at Zoetry despite who shows, stay there, if you would like certain people to attend look into another resort, if you don't care really and just want to have an amazing honeymoon, do that!

 

Just sit down and discuss this with FI calm and well fed so you can make the best decision possible.

[JanineA]

Hi Daniela, I am so sorry to hear that planning your DW has become stressful. I know what it feels like though. As soon as my FI and I announced we would be getting married in Turks & Caicos 90% of the people we sent save the dates to responded by saying they couldn't make it! This was before invitations were even sent. I sent my save the dates a year out from my wedding because I wanted to give people a chance to save and get the required vacation. My MOH called to say she wouldn't be coming first and I was crushed I felt like it was too early for her to even know, or maybe she hadn't tried to even consider it. Second my next bridesmaid in line called to say very adamantly she wouldn't be attending. Literally for two days I was in tears. I didn't want to plan I just wanted to do something small with the 11 family members that we knew were going for sure.

I am now 7 month away from my wedding and boy was I shocked to find out from my wedding planner and the TA that over 30 people have booked already. Your wedding is in 2011 and though people may not think they can afford it right now its the initial response that most people give. We have friends who actually admitted they didn't think they would be able to but some are using tax returns to take a vacation, some are saving and others said "hey we would have been taking a vacation anyway, why not let it be your wedding weekend". Alot can change in a year. Take heart and know that many of us have gone through similar situations but in the end it is your wedding day and you need to be happy. Choose a place that you and FI can agree is that one magical, memorable place you want to get married at, no matter who is in attendance. My MOH and BOH are still both not attending but I realize that its ok and as much as I want them to and have offered to pay for their tickets which they didn't accept, sometimes some people just won't be able to make it.

Cheer up and I hope after taking a break and re-evaluating some you can get back to enjoying planning your special day!

[m&d2011]

Ladies, what can I say: You are the reason why I love this forum!

 

Thank you so much for the kind words and the great advice. FI and I did talk to today, and of course, he said that ultimately it's my decision.

 

After my original post I got more emails from 2 bridesmaids....and it actually really upset me...not because they were telling me they couldn't afford to go (which I totally understand due to the fact it's a DW) but just how they handled. They literally were telling me (via email) how I should change all my plans and look for something cheaper, and one of them told me that she remembered from her wedding that your wedding day is actually not about you but about your guests....seriously?

 

But anyways, I understand that Zoetry is very expensive ($280 per night, per person), but it's beautiful, small, has only 90 rooms, only does one wedding per weekend, picks up every guest at airport...those are some of the things that made me fall in love with the resort. But for me, the biggest reason why I love this place so much is the service I'm getting from their wedding coordinator - Susanne - she is amazing, and I trust her. As you know, we can't go down there and see the locations, taste the food and all, so I need to have someone I can trust. The other resorts I contacted in the past took like almost 4 weeks to reply to me....and Susanne, I speak with her on the phone all the time and she emails me always answering to all my questions and concerns...

 

Anyways...here is what we decided. I did contacted Dreams Riviera Cancun but they don't have my date available - unless I change it to June 11... and I do like this resort because it's new! So, I did contact Dreams Tulum and they have my date available as well as being like $180 per person per night. And with Zoetry, I found out their outside guest policy - if guests want to spend the day with us its $99 per person. For the wedding reception it will be $20 additional for food, and for the bar: $50 for 1st hour and $30 for each additional hour...that's the killer....so, she said I can have outside guests pay as they go for the drinks..which we are fine with it.

 

So, I will do my homework and compare both resorts and see what I decide...

 

Thanks again, you are the best!

 

Daniela

[svetayasofiya]

I think you should stick with Zoetry, because it's sounds like you really really want this resort and I don't think at this point, anything else will compare. That being said, you need to accept the fact that alot of people you hoped would come won't be coming. I think you are probably ok with this though, because you had considered just going to Europe and eloping.

In the end, I truly believe (from my own experiences) that people who want to come will come no matter the expense (even if they stay at a diff. resort). What you will discover later on in your planning, that your wedding is just not a big deal to most people. They will say it is, and pretend etc... but really, truly, it's not going to be their priority albeit financially or sacrificing vacation days. I am not trying to be harsh or insensitive, I am just telling you what I realized throughout and after the process. The sooner your realize this, the sooner you will be able to be at peace with your decision. I personally chose a cheaper resort so the max. amount of people would come, but in retrospect, those that did come, would have come no matter where I ended up having it (minus a few friends I would NOT have missed! lol).

 

Good luck in your planning.

[kurlyks]

We have the same wedding date! I think you should just weigh the resort against the "must-have" people on your list. If having your wedding at the Zoetry is at the top of your priority list then you may need to make peace with the fact that certain people won't come. You could also consider paying the day pass fee for your closest friends who can only come if they stay at a cheaper resort.

 

Good luck!

[m&d2011]

After talking to FI about the situation I realized that just like I have specially my MOH as a 'must-have' guest, he also has both FI & husband of both the bridesmaids who complained. After that realization, I tried to think of the day I decided to have a DW and remembered that originally i wanted my wedding to be @ dreams cabo, and I was completely convinced that dc would be perfect! But FI didn't want a long flight, and since we live in CT, going to Cabo was going to be a very long trip. So, that's when I started to search for RM, and found Zoetry, and fell in love with it! So, I have to understand that this is OUR wedding, so his opnions are important (even though he is not really helping with the planning). Anyways, we decided to go with Dreams, and now I just need to decided which one...

 

1 - Dreams Riviera Cancun only has June 11 available (my 2nd option date)

2 - Dreams Tulum - has my date

3 - Dreams Puerto Aventura - I haven't heard back from them yet

 

I feel a little better but a little upset!