RSVP's .... non-responders

[AndreaD]

I'd like to share some advice for brides to be like me that are waiting to hear back from people. Remember to check your voicemail (home phone as well as cell phone) and all of your e-mail addresses including your Facebook, MySpace, and other social media accounts especially ones you don't check often. The same goes for your FI. There are some people that contact you in ways other than mailing the card back to you.

 

I checked an e-mail account that I typically check once per week and I received a message from my friend explaining why she can't go to our DW. I suppose it is more personal than sending the card back checked 'no' but less personal than telling me directly through a phone call. It goes back to the fact that many people find it difficult to say 'no, I can't go'.

 

I have also noticed some friends that have kept their distance since I sent the invites. I would have expected an acknowledgment that they received the invitation, but I suspect that they are not able to go.

[classadiva]

Oh yes ladies...it's just terrible. I will say this...the best advice I had on this was in this thread...initially I was going to follow-up with people...then I decided not to. Best decision I ever made. The bottom line is that if someone has not RSVP'd via the website, RSVP card, e-mail or when they have seen you...they have no intentions of coming. What are the chances that they are coming yet have never told you so and are not on your rooming list? Not very high. If they do...good luck with that!! LOL My mother even said that it seems like you are begging folks....I had never thought of it that way. I think that as brides we just want to know and put at least one task behind us.

 

What I have found...and I have NO idea why...people are embarrassed or afraid to simply tell you that they cannot attend your destination wedding. As the date has approached...at least in my case...when those who did not respond one way or the other saw that I was not pressing them or seemingly did not care....they did the right thing and simply said that they could not come. What I have also found is that as the date fast approaches...many now wish that they were going!! It will all work out ladies!!

[jennster_04]

This happened to us, we called the peple most important to us .

[carolina24]

Quote:

Originally Posted by classadiva Oh yes ladies...it's just terrible. I will say this...the best advice I had on this was in this thread...initially I was going to follow-up with people...then I decided not to. Best decision I ever made. The bottom line is that if someone has not RSVP'd via the website, RSVP card, e-mail or when they have seen you...they have no intentions of coming. What are the chances that they are coming yet have never told you so and are not on your rooming list? Not very high. If they do...good luck with that!! LOL My mother even said that it seems like you are begging folks....I had never thought of it that way. I think that as brides we just want to know and put at least one task behind us. What I have found...and I have NO idea why...people are embarrassed or afraid to simply tell you that they cannot attend your destination wedding. As the date has approached...at least in my case...when those who did not respond one way or the other saw that I was not pressing them or seemingly did not care....they did the right thing and simply said that they could not come. What I have also found is that as the date fast approaches...many now wish that they were going!! It will all work out ladies!!

this is a good point!! never thought of it that way..."begging folks".

the issue i'm having now is that people from colombia have said theyre coming but have also said they aren't sending back the rsvp cause its a "keepsake"...wtf, really?? i mean i know it's a spanish thing to keep everything, but come on!! AND they aren't booking till the last minute b/c there might be a "great deal". so...today i told both my mom and dad that after the deadline they are responsible for talking to each of their family members and getting a confirmation one way or the other...

i think that people dont realize the stress they put on you by simply not filling out a card or sending an email or calling or SOMETHING!!! i don't want to buy extra oot bag goodies and favors, but what if you dont' buy enough?!? then you look like an ungrateful idot when all you needed was a darn RSVP!!

ok rant's over i feel better now

[Sheree10]

Classadiva... I have a similar situation- as the date gets closer people want to come. My shower was this past weekend and afterwards my mom told me a relative may be trying to come after all... two weeks before! Then a guest told me she will be bringing someone with her. All I ask is that there are no suprises and they let me know. We're a little lucky that we can finalize the count up to three days before the wedding. That's the day we arrive so I can may changes if needed.

[classadiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolina24 this is a good point!! never thought of it that way..."begging folks". the issue i'm having now is that people from colombia have said theyre coming but have also said they aren't sending back the rsvp cause its a "keepsake"...wtf, really?? i mean i know it's a spanish thing to keep everything, but come on!! AND they aren't booking till the last minute b/c there might be a "great deal". so...today i told both my mom and dad that after the deadline they are responsible for talking to each of their family members and getting a confirmation one way or the other... i think that people dont realize the stress they put on you by simply not filling out a card or sending an email or calling or SOMETHING!!! i don't want to buy extra oot bag goodies and favors, but what if you dont' buy enough?!? then you look like an ungrateful idot when all you needed was a darn RSVP!! ok rant's over i feel better now

I think it's perfectly fine to follow-up with folks that have stated an intention to attend....but have yet to book. You kind of have no choice. These are the folks that will drive you CRAZY!! If you don't...they will say...but...I told you I was coming!! As for the OOT bags...it is a real problem. People just do not realize all that goes into the planning. I purchased what I thought I needed and added here and there in the last two weeks.

Sheree....same thing happened to me. After my shower, folks that are attending started talking about their excitement about coming...all of a sudden, folks that allegedly absolutely could not attend....started to re-think that plan. Only thing...my RSVP date was a month earlier. Still...like you...I had some leeway so I just smiled politely and told them to let me know within the week. I have one family member that as of last Thursday...SWORE she was coming..only thing...she doesn't have a passport, air tickets or a room...needless to say....she will not be included in the count LOL

[AndreaD]

From my experience, people started replying either through phone calls, e-mails, or mailing the card back the week that the RSVP was due (July 1). Now, one week later, I am still getting replies. My advice is to state a date that is well in advance of the date that you need a head count.

The reception site may be able to accomodate a few "surprise" guests. If it is too late, then don't let another person's failure to do the right thing create an emergency for you.

[soontobemrsdow]

Thank you so much for this advice! We're sending out our invites in a month and I was wondering what I should do if people don't rsvp on time. I guess it makes perfect sense though...they've known about it for a long time, espcially if you sent out a std...they've had plenty of time to think about it so stressing yourself out over it seems silly now. thanks girls!

[mnh1983]

We've got ten days left before our RSVP date, and we've only gotten back 15/81 cards. A few have called or facebooked us, and there are some family that I knew probably wouldn't attend, but it seems like there are some people who have fallen off the face of the earth! Whoever said that people start avoiding you is right. The only friends that have RSVP'd are our matron of honor and best man. All of these other friends who were sooo excited about the trip are suddenly silent. I'm hoping that we get more responses in the next couple of weeks.

[islandbride317]

I'm in the same boat, girls!

 

Not for my DW itself, but for my AHR that is less than a month away now!

 

We ended up with an intimate party of 10 guests (plus my husband and I) in Jamaica in May, and for us, the smaller the better for our DW....but NOW, we've sent out invitations to all of our family and friends who said before they'd "LOVE!" to come to a local reception in we were going to have one, and now my replies are barely trickling in, with only 1 week remaining until the "reply by" date we put on the cards!

 

My question is this: Does someone think verbally saying to me months ago "count me in" in sufficient, and that I will just know by osmosis that they are coming?! And what's even more noteworthy is that some of the worst "non-responders" are friends of mine that are brides-to-be (or recently married) themselves!!! WTF?!?!