Best Friend - venting

[Lady_Di]

wow, you gave her $1000k? Where did that money go? I understand that it's so disappointing! I would be disappointed. FI is in a similar situation. He asked one of his childhood friends to be his best man along with FI's brother who is also a best man. He graciously said yes! SO fast forward, he hasn't returned calls/texts. Not even one. So FI asked his brother about it and he said that he is struggling with money issues with IRS. We were like, come on we wouldn't be mad at him if he just straight up told us that he can't go after all. This approach pisses me off. Just tell us you can't go then we would be fine! I feel bad for him since he's the guy that he grew up with. SO much for a best friend.

[sungoddess_08]

Wow -- you gave them 1000 and they didn't even use it for the wedding? That is very upsetting. Unfortunately, the process of planning a DW has also tested some of my own friendships. Some people do not know how to handle situations like this, and don't understand that honesty works best. I had a friend tell me she and her husband could not afford to come on the trip, and it was devastating for her to have to tell me, she could not belive she had to miss my wedding etc., then I found out she booked a trip to Mexico with another couple -- I was speechless and we have not talked since. I sent her a not so nice email (immature on my part, I know - but I was caught up in the moment) and expect that to be the end of of our "friendship"

 

I believe you have done all you can do in your situation, now you just have to focus on those who WILL be there to make your day wonderful!

[mjm]

Wow you gave them $1000! I would concentrate your efforts on your wedding day rather than your 'friend'.

[JanineA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sungoddess_08 Wow -- you gave them 1000 and they didn't even use it for the wedding? That is very upsetting. Unfortunately, the process of planning a DW has also tested some of my own friendships. Some people do not know how to handle situations like this, and don't understand that honesty works best. I had a friend tell me she and her husband could not afford to come on the trip, and it was devastating for her to have to tell me, she could not belive she had to miss my wedding etc., then I found out she booked a trip to Mexico with another couple -- I was speechless and we have not talked since. I sent her a not so nice email (immature on my part, I know - but I was caught up in the moment) and expect that to be the end of of our "friendship" I believe you have done all you can do in your situation, now you just have to focus on those who WILL be there to make your day wonderful!

Wow, this is pretty similar to my situation. My best friend and BOH (I call her bridemaid of honor) told me she wouldn't be able to attend my wedding when I sent out the dates cause it was during hannukah. I checked and hannukah was weeks away from my wedding. I was pissed and pretty miffed about the lie but then her twin sister let me know the realy reason is cause she is going on 4 different vacations (Europe, Asia, South America which she just returned from and Australia.....all more expensive than my wedding). I was super pissed, I mean I was more than seeing red. I attended her wedding in Feb and was not only in attendance but took the time to go to chabbad with her when she was converting for two years (she is now orthrodox jew) I was made an integral part of her wedding and couldn't believe that she was being so flipant about my own. When I confronted her she admitted she had planned 4 trips with a couple they are friends with and that she just simply couldn't afford the 5th which would be my wedding. I was shattered and down in the dumps for days but this website and my FI turned my frown upside down. She and I have been close friends for 6+ years. I haven't spoken to her in close to a month!

Girasole chances are your friend is just embarassed. I had another bridesmaid who was embarassed to admit she was feeling a crunch financially but I have done everything I can to help all my guests. I set up a discount code with the airline and actually looked for cheaper hotels for guests to stay at. Call her and let her know you love her and understand. Try to hold on to the friendship.

[Girasole]

Each year for Christmas we give them money...because I look at them as family & they always seem to struggle. This past year her husband helped us with some work on the home we bought but wouldn't take any money for it so he got a new dremel & they got a much larger than normal check for Christmas. My FI & I always seem to be the "nice guys" which sometimes is great but other times is so frustrating. Thanks everyone!

[CourtneyV]

Maybe they used the money to help with their money problems! I'm not sure it's fair to give someone a gift and then judge them how they use it.

[Thomasjsgirl]

Courtney's right. A gift with conditions is not a gift.

 

Hang in there! If she's a good friend to you, you want to make sure she stays that way and arguing over money is the quickest route to ending that friendship.