Do I give a gift?

[Holly22]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MDLady Ok, now it makes better sense. I thought that she was just jealous or something but a drinking problem explains the erratic and insensitive behavior. Doesn't excuse it, but at least we know what the problem is. If she is an alcoholic, a violent/loud/rude one at that, I would NOT have her at your wedding at all. There will be booze everywhere! I know that this is really tough but you can't be at your wedding worrying every single minute if she is drinking or not and if she will cause a scene. It's really hard with alcoholics or drug abusers or anything like that.. But you cannot continue to overlook such behavior at your own expense. She needs to learn that there are consequences to her actions. Very sad situation. I just don't want you to have a time bomb on your hands when you are exchanging vows.

The problem is she is already paid. My wedding is in a few weeks. That would really cause a huge problem. I think I will sit down with her and explain in person how I feel again and ask her not to drink. She literally just started again from what I hear. Its so stressful

[MDLady]

Then good luck, Holly. We are all hoping it goes well.

[Holly22]

Thanks for letting me vent : )

I keep putting off dealing with the situation further and this helped because I know I have too

[amygirl1169]

Ugh, ya my sister is a loud mouth like that too. It's like she thinks if she's louder, she's right or something.

 

When I took her to get her dress altered (the dress I paid for, ran all around town to find, and now taking her for alterations because she's a 27 yr old without a license) she didn't even bring proper shoes to try the dress on, or a bra.

 

Then she yelled at ME, very loudly in the alterations place as to why I hadn't told her she needed to bring these things....

Ugh... it's so tiring dealing with these kind of people...

[Holly22]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amygirl1169 Ugh, ya my sister is a loud mouth like that too. It's like she thinks if she's louder, she's right or something. When I took her to get her dress altered (the dress I paid for, ran all around town to find, and now taking her for alterations because she's a 27 yr old without a license) she didn't even bring proper shoes to try the dress on, or a bra. Then she yelled at ME, very loudly in the alterations place as to why I hadn't told her she needed to bring these things.... Ugh... it's so tiring dealing with these kind of people...

Thats exactly her! The more in the wrong she is the louder she gets.
The more they scream its almost like the convince themselves.
She is the best at that. Turning things aound in her head so she can justify everything.

I'm sorry you have a sister like that as well.
That was very kind of you to buy her dress! I'm debating on the shoes! haha ( part of the gift)

I hate saying anything to my sister because of what you described. I get so embaressed when she goes in her fits. I try to avoid them at all costs lol

[hiccups]

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your sister. I really hope she "behaves" herself at the wedding.

[LadyTrunck]

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this Holly. I had to make the tough decision of not inviting my Mom to my wedding, because she is the same way. We will be at an AI, and I know she would have started multiple scenes. We're not as close as it seems you guys are, and my Grandparents are like my parents because of how she is, but it was still a very hard choice to make.

 

You too Amygirl! It's so rough when we have to deal with these types of people. All because they're 'family', a term I use very loosely with my mother...

 

I wish you the very best, and I hope that she doesn't put any stress on you on your big day! Just try do do your best to ignore her... maybe she'll go away

 

As for the gift- I think that if you are keeping her in the wedding, it is best just to buy it to avoid further drama. I don't even want to know how she would react if she knows she was excluded!

[skadow]

Not to sound mean about her, but this isnt about her rough childhood. Its about YOUR wedding. You deserve to be a little selfish! You will never have either wedding. If something does happen at the wedding, you will never get that day back. I would tell her to shape up or not bother. Everyoen else is paying a lot of money to come as well. They deserve a stress free vacation as well.

 

If she is having problems with booze at the moment and does do something drunk and stupied during a toast or something. When she is older and sober, she is going to hate herself for it. Trust me, I use to have a real drinking problem and have big regrets with people I have hurt.

 

If you do keep her in the wedding and have her give a speach, get her a gift...but don't break the bank on it. If she is drinking at the wedding, you don't want to give her another excuse to be mad at you and cause a scene.

 

Because she already paid, maybe offer to pay for the cancelation charge.

[katrinkit35]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of stress. There is no stress like family stress.

 

It's hard to choose yourself over your family sometimes, but this is one of those times it is called for. Ultimately, it is your day and you need to feel loved all throughout the day, not worried about whether someone will or will not cause you stress.

 

I agree with Skadow - if you choose to "fire" her, offer to pay the cancellation fees to try to soften the blow.

 

Good luck in making your decision. Do what is right for you and your family.