April 2011 Brides

[tris]

Tenny,

OMG. That was a lot of information to take it. Your 'friend' sounds extremely selfish. It sounds like she thinks she's doing you a favor by coming to your wedding now because she's in the area anyway. She should have been completely supportive of you in your time of loss and instead she was focusing on HER birthday party. Ridiculous.

 

That all aside though, it's YOUR wedding so the big question is despite all of this do you want her there? If you still do, sure, she can come. If you don't want her there, tell her politely that you have already booked all of your guests or something to that nature. If you don't want her friends there tell her it's invite only and if she wants to come she's more than welcome but unfortunately it would just be her, not her friends (it sounds like she's making this a party... it's YOUR WEDDING, c'mon!).

 

Me, personally, I wouldn't want her there... by the sounds of it she may end up causing more drama in the end.

 

That's just me though, you have to ask yourself if you want her there or not and act accordingly.

 

<3 good luck.

[Ellabaja1983]

Mocha - I don't know as if I've seen anything else that you've done...because I don't think I knew your colors were orange and black.  I definitely think you can do it well enough to stay away from the halloween theme.  Plus, your wedding is in April, so it won't necessarily be the thought everyone is having!!

 

Tenny - Wow, I don't know what to say without being really angry FOR you.  Your whole situation totally stinks....  My automatic reaction to your story with this person that you have asked to fill in is...  if you couldn't come to begin with because of our friendship, why do I want to include you in anything when you are only going to be there because it just happens to be a convenient time for you.    But, do you think she was hurt by the fact that she's just "filling in" or do you think it's even the kind of situation where she'd see it as a "I'm only here because the person she really wants can't make it"?  Maybe she's doing this because her feelings were hurt that she's a "fill-in."  If that's not the case, I'd be so mad...  and I don't know if I'd want to include her.  I would have to take a little time to think all of that through....  Knowing me, I'd probably end up just saying whatever, if you are going to be there, you can be included...but then again you have the three guests she wants to bring...Hmm.  Would you have to pay more because the guests were going to be there?  I wouldn't want to pay for some people that are coming just because it's convenient for the friend....

[Tennyt1]

I really don't care to have her there...but how do I say that. What is a nice way to put it.  Maybe I will just say that she can come with only 1 guest...

[Tennyt1]

She didn't know she was a fill in....I just asked her and she doesn;t know the other friend or anyone eles besides my FI.

 

!!Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

Tenny - Wow, I don't know what to say without being really angry FOR you.  Your whole situation totally stinks....  My automatic reaction to your story with this person that you have asked to fill in is...  if you couldn't come to begin with because of our friendship, why do I want to include you in anything when you are only going to be there because it just happens to be a convenient time for you.    But, do you think she was hurt by the fact that she's just "filling in" or do you think it's even the kind of situation where she'd see it as a "I'm only here because the person she really wants can't make it"?  Maybe she's doing this because her feelings were hurt that she's a "fill-in."  If that's not the case, I'd be so mad...  and I don't know if I'd want to include her.  I would have to take a little time to think all of that through....  Knowing me, I'd probably end up just saying whatever, if you are going to be there, you can be included...but then again you have the three guests she wants to bring...Hmm.  Would you have to pay more because the guests were going to be there?  I wouldn't want to pay for some people that are coming just because it's convenient for the friend....

[Tennyt1]

As of right now, yes I'm paying per guest.

[Ellabaja1983]

Well, I think you can use part of what you said to all of us.  SHE was the one that told you that your friendship wasn't the same and that she didn't know if she could make it.  I'm not sure if you responded to her after that, but you can basically say, your response made me feel like you didn't really care about my wedding, and it seems like you only want to come with your friends because it's "convenient" for you.  Tell her that because it's a very intimate, small ceremony you only want people there that truly care, and that mean a lot to you and you mean a lot to them.  It's hard to "uninvite" someone after you invited them, but it's your wedding....you have all the pull here.  Be as gentle as you can....    I know...that's not very gentle, but I think this is what you might want to do to her! 

[tris]

If you don't care to have her there and you want to say it in a nicer way you could always just tell a little white lie and tell her that you've already booked to your limit or something down those lines? Or, like you said, tell her she can bring 1 guest (or they can pay for themselves!)

[Tennyt1]

I like that .....I think I'm going to quote some of this.  Thanks!

 

Originally Posted by Ellabaja1983 

Well, I think you can use part of what you said to all of us.  SHE was the one that told you that your friendship wasn't the same and that she didn't know if she could make it.  I'm not sure if you responded to her after that, but you can basically say, your response made me feel like you didn't really care about my wedding, and it seems like you only want to come with your friends because it's "convenient" for you.  Tell her that because it's a very intimate, small ceremony you only want people there that truly care, and that mean a lot to you and you mean a lot to them.  It's hard to "uninvite" someone after you invited them, but it's your wedding....you have all the pull here.  Be as gentle as you can....    I know...that's not very gentle, but I think this is what you might want to do to her! 

[Tennyt1]

Yeah, her email has been in my inbox for a few days now...I need to send a response soon.  Thanks for helping ladies

 

Originally Posted by tris 

If you don't care to have her there and you want to say it in a nicer way you could always just tell a little white lie and tell her that you've already booked to your limit or something down those lines? Or, like you said, tell her she can bring 1 guest (or they can pay for themselves!)

[lisadias]

First of all Tenny I am so sorry for your loss. Second, based on what you have said here it appears she is SELLFISH because she is not seeing how loosing your mother has affected you(not wanting to party it up on HER birthday) and if I could take a guess, I would assume she is single and perhaps a little jealous of you getting married. When she says the friendship has changed, what she probably really means is not because you are mourning but because you probably don't spend as much time with her then you use to and part of that is because of your FI. She is probably feeling neglected which is childish at this point in our lives.

I have two schools of thought on this. Depending on wether or not you still value her friendship and if you think you could work through this then I would allow her and a guest to attend but not HER friends. I think she can stand to be away from them for one day and focus on you! If you don't feel that there is any future friendship with her I would just cut it off now because really who wants someone that wasn't there for you in your time of need. Birthdays come every year, you only have one mother who can only pass away once and this life event is far more important than a few drinks at a bar!

The more I type the more angry I am getting for you and say tell her to screw off!!!!! You don't need this kind of drama in your life right now! But if you want to say it nicely, tell her that you are fine with her bringing one friend but you are on a budget and can't allow the other two. Now if that excursion is being paid by YOU I would say the same thing, only two!!!

Hope this rambling has helped a bit.