"Good Friend" bails out of wedding to get a dog?

[vdaybride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melidell Well my ignorant and irresponsible self would like to thank you for that bit of judgement. So would my "designer" Saint Bernard, whom I did indeed purchase from a responsible breeder and provide a good home for. I also have a rescued shelter "mutt" and a rescued cat- does that make me any brighter a bulb at all? I guess I should also have gotten rid of my cat years ago when I battled with major depression- I had no idea it made me an unfit pet owner- thanks for opening my eyes for me. I guess my overall "duh" factor made me incapable of seeing the light- and to think that all this time I thought I was a well educated person with a high IQ.

Good one girlie!! You really made me laugh out loud! I think you are brilliant my dear

[yumyum90]

Thanks so much for all of the great advice and outlook on the situation. It has really made me think more deeply about it all. I must say that today I found out she is trying to go to Bejing for the summer as well. I can't understand it. I can understand getting the dog, but I have come to the conclusion that if she can't manage to try to make my bachelorette party or anything, but can book a trip to Bejing, then she is really just thinking about her own happiness. She can't value my friendship that much because if so the least she would do is be upfront with me. She bailed on another friends local wedding last year, but said it was because she didn't feel like she was that close to that person. Point blank, I'm going to take your advice and just focus on the people who will be there and those who want to be happy for me.

[Sloan]

Hey one of my friends said she couldn't afford to come to our wedding in Jamaica, but yet she had enough money to fly to Ireland for 2 weeks just after our wedding. Nice!

[vdaybride]

Great outlook YumYum! focus on those that will attend and don't waste energy on those that make you want to go postal. People will continue to disappoint you if you let them. Enjoy the rest of your planning, your wedding will be perfect.

[svetayasofiya]

I like what someone said earlier in this thread about most of our friends being just 'aquaitences' (sp?!) and you really learn who your real friends are during this time. It's so true! Not necessarily a bad thing, just an eye opener. It's like in high school... all those people who you couldn't possibly live without, and then come graduation... you never talk to again. That's just life.

 

Shake it off. As dissapointing as it is, you only want people there that are really happy for you and are thinking of you.

[yumyum90]

I have to agree with you svetayasofiya. I actually had a talk with this friend last weekend and I guess she was feeling alot of guilt and admitted she could have come if she wanted to she was just being selfish. These were words out of her own mouth. I don't even know if I'm hurt or if I've just come to realize that I shouldn't hold any expectations of others and just ensure that I hold myself to high expectations. In hindsight I wouldn't want her there anyway, because she would not truly be happy for me.

[jajajaja]

Quote:

Originally Posted by -Kate- Are you for real? Maybe she is depressed because her friend is getting married and she is so alone she has to buy a pet to keep company. She doesn't even have a person in her life she trusts enough to watch her dog. That's pretty sad. I wouldn't write her off. As a person who is 2 years out from being married, I can't even remember who did/didn't come to my wedding. It really won't matter to you in a couple years and it will make you feel better to know you stuck by a friend going through rough times.

I agree with this 100%.

Also as another who's been married a little over two years, I assure you that all the pain that you feel regarding people not coming to your wedding will diminish after awhile. I had a few family members decide to go on vacations either a month before or a month after my wedding. At first I was pissed and really hurt. I harbored a lot of resentment, but now, I realize that we chose the DW. We can't control how others will use their finances. Sure it's really nice to see there are people willing to plop down some serious $$$ to go, but not everyone has the same priorities.

Now I found myself on the other side of this dilemma. I recently had a family member announce that she was planning a DW to Alaska. My first instinct was NOOOOOO! We like to spend our vacations in tropical environments and here I was having to show love and support by giving up my idea of what a vacation is. We were begrudgingly planning to go, but just found out she decided not to do it there. This experience gave me a little more perspective of how my wedding may have put others in the same position. If it wasn't a way they would enjoy spending their money, they had to debate going to show their love and support to make ME happy, or spending their hard earned dollars on something that would make THEM happy. It's not an easy decision at all and why should my happiness trump theirs? KWIM?

Just wanted to add two cents in from another perspective.