"Good Friend" bails out of wedding to get a dog?

[IrishgirlinNY]

I know it is hard. One of my good friends that I have known for 11 years just booked a cruise for herself for Sept 2010 and I spoke to her the other day and said she probably isn't going to be able to come to our wedding. It does bother me, I really thought certain people would try their best to come to our wedding, and she was one of them. There is nothing I can do. She is still one of my good friends and I still plan on having the best wedding ever. We knew going into this that we wouldn't have everyone there we would have if we got married in NY and are prepared for people to decline. Good friends are hard to find and most people only have a small handful of them. I don't think it is worth ending a friendship for. Good luck!

[loua4]

Hi YumYum,

I would take the lemon and make lemonade.

She must have really needed something to help with her troubles and dogs are wonderful companions, but I could be saying that because i am a Vet Tech, but yes they are very therapudic for people with depression.

 

Dont let it get you down. You are going to have a fantastic time even with her at home. You will be surrounded by lots of people who love you and you love back. With tons of memories.

She just did what she felt she needed to do for herself. Thats okay. Chin up. Everything will be ok

[carolina24]

good friends are few and far between, everyone else in your life is an acquaintance. those are people you have fun with and hang out and even invite to your wedding but in general when push comes to shove....you know how it goes.

 

i know it sucks when people let you down but just focus on the fact that you're getting married and in the end it'll be you and your hubby and really no one else matters!!

[AlexsBride]

Since I am a bride (as you are all as well!!!) and we are all quite focused on planning our weddings, I know that sometimes I forget that its really not even on the thoughts of other people in my life. I mean, I have never gotten overly excited or involved in anyone elses wedding so I know how that can happen.

It would hurt and I understand that your feelings are hurt over this situation...But at the end of the day your wedding is one day (or a one week vacation...) and this friend is (hopefully) going to have this new dog for a very long time. We cant tell people how to spend their money.

Don't write her off, maybe tell her that you are hurt that she will not be able to attend and be the bigger person and buy the new pup a chew toy!

[vdaybride]

I would say don't banish the friend!!!!

 

We as brides chose a DW knowing that some people would not be able to attend because of the cost involved. I know you are saying that she could have spent the money to come to your wedding, but it is kind of selfish for you to want the spend her money for her or make assumptions about her finances. I too needed a dose of reality during my planning process so I feel like I should return the favor. Regardless of how much we want all of the focus to be on us, other people are dealing with their own issues and struggles. If she needed a dog to get through whatever she is dealing with then you should be a bigger person and support her and offer her an ear to listen if she needs that. Your wedding will be amazing if only it were you and your hubby. It should not be about the NUMBER of people that show up, but that the people who are there really want to be and are there because they love you.

 

It took 2 severe snow storms and over half of my guests to be stranded at home for my wedding to realize that everything works out in the end. I wish you all the luck in getting the point that people's lives will continue even if we are planning a DW.

[RonNMel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenne I know how you feel - but I agree with the others, don't lose your friend over this. We had a couple of very good friends (one in the wedding party) back out as well because they couldn't afford to come. My FI seemed more hurt by this than I was and it would bother him when they would spend money on doing other things, like going out to the bar or snowboarding since they said that they had no money. But I just feel like, although they are our good friends, we can't expect them to put their life on hold or not be able to do anything that they want to do just because they have to save all of their money for our wedding.

Exactly. My parents, yes I would expect them to make an extra effort to be able to attend my wedding. Other than that, nobody else should feel "obliged" to come and have to give up everything they want that could cost money just so they can be there for MY day. I'd love for all of them to be there, but that's all I can do, hope.

[Melidell]

Quote:

Originally Posted by vdaybride I would say don't banish the friend!!!! We as brides chose a DW knowing that some people would not be able to attend because of the cost involved. I know you are saying that she could have spent the money to come to your wedding, but it is kind of selfish for you to want the spend her money for her or make assumptions about her finances. I too needed a dose of reality during my planning process so I feel like I should return the favor. Regardless of how much we want all of the focus to be on us, other people are dealing with their own issues and struggles. If she needed a dog to get through whatever she is dealing with then you should be a bigger person and support her and offer her an ear to listen if she needs that. Your wedding will be amazing if only it were you and your hubby. It should not be about the NUMBER of people that show up, but that the people who are there really want to be and are there because they love you. It took 2 severe snow storms and over half of my guests to be stranded at home for my wedding to realize that everything works out in the end. I wish you all the luck in getting the point that people's lives will continue even if we are planning a DW.

Well said! I totally agree with this, and I'm glad your wedding worked out in the end even with all of your unexpected complications. I think that's a good thing for all of us brides-to-be to hear right now. I can't speak for the OP, but thanks for the reality check- I know we all need one at times.

[marak]

Over 4 million dogs and cats are euthanized in shelters each year, a large amount pure and "designer" breeds to boot. The ignorance and irresponsibility of those that purchase dogs as pets astounds me. And to get a dog b/c she is depressed, heavens this is not the bright bulb Edison intended.

 

Regardless, I would fire this individual. I wouldn't make a scene of it...I'd just stop contacting her. You know where you stand, actions speak louder than words. The gall of her to suggest she hopes you aren't upset with her... Not the end of the world, but the overall "DUH!"-factor of this girl is beyond me. Not being able to afford the trip is one thing, but you have clearly been shown where you are on this person's priority list.

[Melidell]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marak Over 4 million dogs and cats are euthanized in shelters each year, a large amount pure and "designer" breeds to boot. The ignorance and irresponsibility of those that purchase dogs as pets astounds me. And to get a dog b/c she is depressed, heavens this is not the bright bulb Edison intended. Regardless, I would fire this individual. I wouldn't make a scene of it...I'd just stop contacting her. You know where you stand, actions speak louder than words. The gall of her to suggest she hopes you aren't upset with her... Not the end of the world, but the overall "DUH!"-factor of this girl is beyond me. Not being able to afford the trip is one thing, but you have clearly been shown where you are on this person's priority list.

Well my ignorant and irresponsible self would like to thank you for that bit of judgement. So would my "designer" Saint Bernard, whom I did indeed purchase from a responsible breeder and provide a good home for. I also have a rescued shelter "mutt" and a rescued cat- does that make me any brighter a bulb at all? I guess I should also have gotten rid of my cat years ago when I battled with major depression- I had no idea it made me an unfit pet owner- thanks for opening my eyes for me. I guess my overall "duh" factor made me incapable of seeing the light- and to think that all this time I thought I was a well educated person with a high IQ.

[-Kate-]

Quote:

Originally Posted by marak Over 4 million dogs and cats are euthanized in shelters each year, a large amount pure and "designer" breeds to boot. The ignorance and irresponsibility of those that purchase dogs as pets astounds me. And to get a dog b/c she is depressed, heavens this is not the bright bulb Edison intended. Regardless, I would fire this individual. I wouldn't make a scene of it...I'd just stop contacting her. You know where you stand, actions speak louder than words. The gall of her to suggest she hopes you aren't upset with her... Not the end of the world, but the overall "DUH!"-factor of this girl is beyond me. Not being able to afford the trip is one thing, but you have clearly been shown where you are on this person's priority list.

Are you for real?

Maybe she is depressed because her friend is getting married and she is so alone she has to buy a pet to keep company. She doesn't even have a person in her life she trusts enough to watch her dog. That's pretty sad.
I wouldn't write her off. As a person who is 2 years out from being married, I can't even remember who did/didn't come to my wedding. It really won't matter to you in a couple years and it will make you feel better to know you stuck by a friend going through rough times.