Destination Wedding--selfish?

[saza175]

everyone on here is sooo right... we decided to just push the date back another 7 months, so now everyone has 20 months to come up with the money if they want to go. i don't want to hear anyone complaining now lol! thanks for all your kind words of encouragement!

[wendyjd]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snickers I am a 2nd time bride to be in Sept 2010. We decided on a DW due to the fact we love to travel plus we did not want to spend oodles of money. My first wedding was so stressful and really got out of hand. I vowed never to go through that again. To me the real dream is basically just showing up with my dress and have an easy breezy ceremony with no worries.

Amen sister!!

[VBVB]

We're running into the same thing! My FH's parents are all upset that we're getting married in the Dominican, and they keep "teasingly" suggesting wedding venues in FH's hometown (which is 8 hours away AND in another province from where we live).

 

In the end, we put up a united front and told everyone sternly that NO, we're not getting married in either of our hometowns, and if everyone wants to come to the Dominican, great. If they can't make it, we're going to have AHRs in EACH of our hometowns so we can celebrate with everyone. That's more for our own preference than to appease anyone, too.

 

We have had to put our foot down with regards to the AHR in FH's hometown. His parents expect a huge meal for 100+ people plus dance, etc. We had our minds (and BUDGET) set on something low-key, like getting a bunch of assorted platters of veggies, meats, cheeses, sandwiches, etc and throwing a dance-type get together. Guess we'll see in 2 weeks when we go to visit them who's paying for this huge meal they are insisting on!! It sure won't be us!

[saza175]

Congrats! Glad to hear that you put your foot down! I like the idea of the low key AHR too!

[autjo]

Just thought I would chime in too. My mom cried and cried when we told her we were not getting married in small town Texas. We fought for a good 3 months. After the DW she has gone around saying that she is eating every bad thing she said about getting married at a destination because it was so beautiful and fun. I actually did want to get married in my home town, but my mom and I would have killed each other so to compromise we did a BBQ reception at home and it really made the wedding feel complete. We also invited everyone to both the DW and AHR. 50 out of 200 made it to Mexico and these are our very best friends in the world and it was awesome to spend time with all of them. About 150 came to the AHR and I seriously think they were just there for the free food, but it made my parents happy... and food/drink only cost $7/person! The key point is that marriage is about compromise and I think weddings were created so you could practice working through stupid fights! Listen to your family and friends, but do what is right in your heart. And don't push your date back too far because people won't save... if they want to be there for you, they will regardless of 6 months or 24 months.

[CristiandJamie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by autjo Just thought I would chime in too. My mom cried and cried when we told her we were not getting married in small town Texas. We fought for a good 3 months. After the DW she has gone around saying that she is eating every bad thing she said about getting married at a destination because it was so beautiful and fun. I actually did want to get married in my home town, but my mom and I would have killed each other so to compromise we did a BBQ reception at home and it really made the wedding feel complete. We also invited everyone to both the DW and AHR. 50 out of 200 made it to Mexico and these are our very best friends in the world and it was awesome to spend time with all of them. About 150 came to the AHR and I seriously think they were just there for the free food, but it made my parents happy... and food/drink only cost $7/person! The key point is that marriage is about compromise and I think weddings were created so you could practice working through stupid fights! Listen to your family and friends, but do what is right in your heart. And don't push your date back too far because people won't save... if they want to be there for you, they will regardless of 6 months or 24 months.

I completely agree with you on the saving for the wedding part. There will always be something that comes up and people will find excuses even if you push it out 5 years! My friend got married in her hometown and still managed to make people mad (choice on cake, choice on venue, ya da ya da ya da...)

[FutureMrsTO]

I think everyone at one point or another has faced this type of adversity once they announced that they planned on a destination wedding. We got everything from excitement to "are you serious" well I got it the worst from my parents that my sisters weren't in the same place we were financially and that we needed to take that into consideration. I told my mother that i would...on their wedding days. For the thousand dollars or so they had to save for their trip consider the expenses that we had to save for! We gave our guests over a year and a half to plan and save which we think is plenty of time and low and behold we have booked 98 out of the 297 invited! My sisters eventually got w the program! My FI & I are comfortable with our decision to get married in DR and can't freaking wait! Celebrate you & your FI! you deserve it!

[hiccups]

My friend had a DW last year and at first both sets of parents were dead set against it. After coming back from the DW, they've been raving about the trip and always talk about how much fun they had.

[sweetluna]

This is why I love this forum. The fellow brides who KNOW exactly what I'm going through and the support I get from everyone on here.

 

Although no one in my family would dare say to my face that I'm being selfish, the word has spread that some are saying it behind my back - not sure which is worse. Anyhow, we're sticking to decision to have a DW because it makes sense for us and it is what we want. I'm kinda looking forward to sharing the pictures of our wedding with all the neh-sayers because they are SERIOUSLY going to regret not joining in the fun.

The good news is that one of the BM's who is now unable to go (she just adopted her first child) has offered to put on a reception for us when we get back. So I get the best of both worlds.

[MDLady]

Oh goodness, you sound as I did when I first started talking about a DW and sometimes I go back to that thinking when things aren't going smoothly. Luckily, my FI and friends are extremely supportive and super excited for the whole thing.

 

Our dilemma was that my fiance's family is all in Argentina! So they would all have to come to the US on a 12 hr flight which is expensive and difficult with visas and paperwork. If we had the wedding in Argentina, then my whole family and friends would have to travel 12 hr. We were NOT going to do 2 weddings, no way could we afford it.

 

So my argument was hey, perfect, I've always wanted a beach wedding and I love love love the Caribbean so we will have it on one of the islands and let everyone come and meet 1/2 way. I thought it was a perfect solution.

 

Then, totally unexpected to me, my family started a backlash on the DW idea. Mind you, only one person doesn't like sun/beach due to her weight problem. My parents and other family go to the Caribbean every year on vacation! I thought they would be excited. Nope, my selfishness was mentioned several times and it was made very clear that I was doing this for me rather than the guests. That stung a lot since I am very close to my family. My extended family told me that nobody will come and that it was a crazy idea.

 

While they are still not helping much with the wedding, mostly because I do not ask since my feelings are still kind of hurt, we have over 45 guests coming already. My friends are PSYCHED as is my sister and her husband. My extended family is coming (I don't have a huge family) and they are excited. My FI's family is coming as well and are all extremely excited and have never once thought that it was a bad idea.

 

We invited everyone that we wanted to be at our wedding, which was probably 110 people or so. So 45 is not bad at all if you ask me. My Mom thought it would be rude to invite people knowing that they could not come, but I would rather invite them than not!!

 

The best part is that both my FI and I have 6 nieces/nephews who will be our flower girls/ring bearers and the kids are over the moon that they will be part of our wedding on an island. They talk about it every day! That alone makes it all ok for me. My FI always told me to make the decision and stick with it whenever I started to doubt myself and wonder if we are doing the right thing.

 

I honestly don't understand why people can say things like that to a bride. I'm not saying that the bride can be inconsiderate but there are reasons for why she is doing a DW.

 

Sorry for the very long post but as you can see, this choice was very difficult for us. It actually is not turning out to be cheaper at all but that's because we picked one of the best resorts.

 

But honestly, both I and my FI cannot wait to have all of our family and friends on the island for a week with us together. My family only met his parents so it will be nice for everyone to get to know each other, even with a language barrier.

 

If this is something that you really want, then you just gotta do what you feel will make you the happiest. You don't want to look back and wish you did it differently or stand in a church wishing you were on the beach. I can't stand it when people tell you what they think you need to do when it's something as personal as your wedding. I hope your family comes around to support you and if they don't, I hope you are able to enjoy a wonderful wedding where YOU and your FI want it!