Advice needed...

[AishaB]

Hi Ladies:

 

I am in need of as much advice as possible. I would really really appreciate it if anyone who is experiencing the same thing that I am or know of someone or has gone through it, would please give me some input.

 

For a very long time now I have been dreaming of a destination wedding. My first destination was Germany. After 10 years and a dose of reality, I know that will not be possible. Presently, I my dream is to have a destination wedding (I live in NJ, FH in TX), in Mexico. This has now become my dream because monetarily, I just cannot afford to have the kind of wedding my sister had, which cost $30K. But most of all, I have always wanted a small wedding with about 50-75 people, and then have a reception/party at home when we returned.

 

The problem with this is, one of his sisters will not be able to travel overseas for the wedding. So, I have had to revisit my wishes for a destination wedding, and have been looking on the NJ coast (Cape May), or the New England coast. The problem with this is, that I have a big family and like with my sister's wedding everyone wants to be invited. He also has a lot of family and they will all expect invites also. I know that everyone is not going to be invited but it worries me anyway.

 

I just don't know how I can get what I want but also include the important that need to be included. That is my problem right now. His sister cannot leave the country. I am content to change the venue but I don't want to change so much that I am not having anything that I want, i.e., a destination wedding. And the wedding that I want. A small intimate wedding with just the people that I want there. If I have it in NJ, I am going to have to invite more people than I want, and spend more money than I want or have.

 

Am I being selfish? I want a small wedding preferably near the ocean. I do want to have a reception for everyone when we return from our honeymoon. I want a destination wedding but his sister has to be taken into consideration.

 

What do you guys think?

[boscobel]

I'm going to move this to the proper subforum, if you haven't posted a real newbie thread, you might want to redo that since this is more of a question then a newbie posting...

[JUSTUSTWO]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AishaB Hi Ladies: I am in need of as much advice as possible. I would really really appreciate it if anyone who is experiencing the same thing that I am or know of someone or has gone through it, would please give me some input. For a very long time now I have been dreaming of a destination wedding. My first destination was Germany. After 10 years and a dose of reality, I know that will not be possible. Presently, I my dream is to have a destination wedding (I live in NJ, FH in TX), in Mexico. This has now become my dream because monetarily, I just cannot afford to have the kind of wedding my sister had, which cost $30K. But most of all, I have always wanted a small wedding with about 50-75 people, and then have a reception/party at home when we returned. The problem with this is, one of his sisters will not be able to travel overseas for the wedding. So, I have had to revisit my wishes for a destination wedding, and have been looking on the NJ coast (Cape May), or the New England coast. The problem with this is, that I have a big family and like with my sister's wedding everyone wants to be invited. He also has a lot of family and they will all expect invites also. I know that everyone is not going to be invited but it worries me anyway. I just don't know how I can get what I want but also include the important that need to be included. That is my problem right now. His sister cannot leave the country. I am content to change the venue but I don't want to change so much that I am not having anything that I want, i.e., a destination wedding. And the wedding that I want. A small intimate wedding with just the people that I want there. If I have it in NJ, I am going to have to invite more people than I want, and spend more money than I want or have. Am I being selfish? I want a small wedding preferably near the ocean. I do want to have a reception for everyone when we return from our honeymoon. I want a destination wedding but his sister has to be taken into consideration. What do you guys think?

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Remember, it is YOUR wedding day! It should be done how you want & where you want. The last thing you want is to regret your final choice/location because you tried to accomodate friends & family members.

One thing that I learned from planning my DW is that many people said they were going to come & when it was all said & done, many of those same people who assured me that they were DEFINITELY coming, wound up not attending. If I would have listened to other people & made my decision based upon what they wanted or suggested, then I wouldn't have picked Jamaica and would not have had the time of my life.

Ofcourse you want your loved ones to be with you on that special day & its not like you're not going out of your way to intentionally exclude them. But again, its your day and you should do whats best for you, especially financially.
Like many others have done, you can have your dream destination wedding & then celebrate at home, with a reception, with those who were unable to attend.

[ErinB]

I think it is your wedding and you need to do what you want. That is a hard lesson to learn when planning - no matter what, you can't make everyone happy.

 

If money is a big concern, then a wedding at an all inclusive resort is the way to go. It will definitely be cheaper than a wedding at home.

 

Since you are planning a party at home afterwards, your FI's sister can participate in that.

 

The nature of a DW will limit your number of guests so then you get your small, intimate ceremony.

[NaM]

I think you need to do what you want to do. The most important people in the wedding are you and your husband so why spend hours and energy trying to please everyone else??

At the end of the day, it's your wedding so do what makes you happy.

[meldal101010]

I'm with everyone else....Its YOUR wedding do what makes you the happiest!!!!

[ali0284]

I agree with everyone else. It is YOUR day and you need to do what YOU want. The people who REALLY want to be there, will find a way to be there. If there is one thing i've learned about having a destination wedding, it's that you will get those who are excited about it from the beginning, and then you will have those who do nothing but complain about every aspect of it.

 

I was in the same boat as you, I can not afford to have a big wedding. I'm from MA and I have looked at all places on Cape Cod and up the East Coast of MA, and they are all so expensive. I finally had to realize, that for once in my life, it's not about pleasing anyone else. Do what you want to do, and you will have an amazing time!

[carolina24]

bottom line...it's YOUR day. not only that but its YOUR money! even if it seems harsh, those people who would feel like they should be invited, are not paying for it so it really isn't up to them.

 

we are having an AHR when we get back from the HM, and suddenly everyone who was and wasn't invited to the wedding thought they would be invited to the AHR...umm correction, NO b/c then it would be like having a wedding here anyway, money wise. so i've had to be very firm about this. if you are going to be invited you will get an invitation and if anyone has a problem with this, it's on them. if they donate $$$ to the wedding fund, then they can have an opinion that matters.

 

in the end the you are inviting the people who matter most to you, your close friends and family. so do the people who might be offended matter that much to make you change all your plans and go into wedding debt??...NO. you are already sacrificing things for FIs sister (completely understandable), you've done enough.

[Jenamie]

Its your day you need to do what you want if people cant go then great you get the small wedding you want... there will always be people who think there invited anyways... but will quickly learn there not.

 

I had family assume they where invited to my wedding too, but you really need to do what you want cuz in the end you and your FI are the only ones who matter

[AlexsBride]

All the brides on this board know what they are talking about! I wish all brides could realize that it's about YOU and your FI! Not your mom, dad, grandma, in-laws or anyone else. This is the one day that you can really call your own.

My stepbrother is a teacher and can only get away during the most expensive times of year (Christmas and March Break) Well I wasn't going to make myself and all my guests pay a premium for just one person. I told him very nicely that the wedding will be taking place not during those times and him and his wife will be happily able to attend the AHR.

 

If your FSIL can not leave the country, that's her thing. Not yours. Do your wedding your way, especially if you have been dreaming of a DW!!!