Need to vent: AHR issues...

[Positanobride10]

I think my mom was really upset I didn't want a traditional wedding with reception. As I've stated we're having a wedding and dinner reception in Italy in other posts. I am bad in crowds and feel uncomfortable being the center of attention. The destination wedding with just family, 14 total, was a way to have my dream wedding without an anxiety attack. And my fiance and I could be ourselves.

 

Anyway, we agreed to let my mom throw an AHR. It's turning into what I don't want, a traditional reception where I am a dog and he's a pony...needless to say, we're on display to do parlor tricks.

 

I don't want this! This is supposed to be a supplement, a party for friends and family, not my wedding!!!

 

I feel like the wedding I've been planning is crap and her party is the big deal. I have tried emailing, calling, talking to her saying what I want and she ignores me. I am at the point where I am going to scream at her because maybe she'll listen.

 

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm open to suggestions.

[vlynnw]

That's a tough one. I'm so your going through this and she is taking over on planning your AHR. Maybe if there is another way to explain or ask if you can do more things your way. Possibly change things that are being done at the AHR? Are you doing a full sit-down dinner or is it more casual? If you can let her have some of her ways with things but keep the party light and casual enough it should be more fun mingling than formal affair where you and your FI are on display for everyone's viewing pleasure. I hope you can find a way to get her to understand what your vision is, keep reminding her that this is still about you and your hubby.

[**~Linda~**]

Hmm this is a hard one. I say this because shes the one throwing the AHR ykwim.. I guess maybe go over to her house one day and sit down with her over a cup of coffee and see if you can really try and explain your view and hope she would listen. If nothing works I would say on the day make it what you want it to be aka mingle and disappear when you so choose to.. Not much advice but its the only thing i could think of .. Hope she does get to understand you at some point and listens.

[bnbrmy]

My grandmother begged me to have a mock wedding here and I told her no, no way! AND she keeps laughing that nobody will come and it'll be just me & FI when I told her people are planning on coming she got mad about it. wtf?

I have the same issues with being in a crowd. I would just let her that this is not what you want, and it's not fair she's not listening to you.

[jennifer769405]

Oh no! So sorry to hear that! I have the same anxiety issue which is why we choose the destination wedding as well...however that list is starting to get a little too much for me and I'm already starting to get nervous about being the center of attention...not to mention we have a photographer with us for the whole week...so I'm trying to get myself prepared for that too....

 

Hopefully you can talk to your mom and she will begin to see your point of view

[Raykel]

I just read this now...how are things going? Were you able to speak with her and get her to understand how you feel?

[clfaidl2]

I would sit her down or if you are far away and she wont listen write a letter....tell her you appreciate the thought, but that it is not what you want. You would love to do some of the planning together, but would like something more casual to celebrate. Hopefully she will understand! I have the same anxiety issues....my mother was disappointed at first, but she seems to be okay with everything now and we're doing a luau style at home reception so its more casual. Good luck!

[Eliana]

I will sit down with her and talk about this. if this doesn't work a letter could maybe work as well.. I'm sorry that this is happening to you

[hiccups]

I'm sorry to hear. I too am really bad being centre of attention and it makes me really nervous. So like you said, I opted for a DW to have more of a smaller crowd to celebrate with. I hope everything works out for you.