Issues with Parents-in-Law-to-be

mnh1983 · February 4, 2010

My fiance's parents are making me so angry right now. When we began wedding planning, we asked for their input, and they gave us zero. We booked a site that is actually not too far from where his family lives, in part because he has a large family and we wanted all of them to come. We asked for input about dates, times, etc., but they stated that had no preference. This past week, six months after we booked the location, his parents began complaining about the wedding being on a Sunday (which was more affordable since we are paying for most of it ourselves) and because we chose 4:00 in the afternoon (since we wanted to have dinner after). They have called us selfish for having it on a Sunday and even offered to give us money if we would change it to a date and time that was more convenient for them. They have threatened to not even come now. It infuriates me and hurts my feelings because we in part were trying to accommodate his large family and asked for input, and now they complain. My fiance is at the point where he just wants to lose what we've put down on deposits and get married elsewhere. I'm so sad.

Tifuhhknee · February 4, 2010

Welcome to the wedding planning world! There are lots and lots of posts very similar to this of just letting it all out. You would be surprised by just how many brides get this same kind of flack.

Just remember, this is YOUR wedding. They had plenty of time to give input and chose not to. It seems that no matter when or what you do, there will be something they will complain about. They did not offer to help pay when you were looking to book, but now they want to give you money change it? That is just ethically wrong. Had they wanted to help pay from the get-go, yes, their input would truly matter. If they REALLY want to be there, they will. If they do not go, they will secretly regret it.

Do what is going to make you and your fiance happy. Changing wedding plans may not make up too unhappy, but will they find something else to gripe about? My fiance has told me he is glad I handle all the wedding stuff because we have had so many people wanting us to change things. I simply smile and say "because that is not what we want" and go about my business. My poor fiance would feel guilty and try to suite everyone else instead of us. Good luck and do what you feel is best for your situation!

**Kat** · February 4, 2010

I have to agree here. This is your wedding and you should have it when and where you want it. I know how important it is to have close family there and I would like to think that they will come around. I think that you should sit down with them and calmly say "Thank you for your thoughts on this, and we realize that it is not the ideal time for our wedding in your book BUT we asked you 6 months ago for your thoughts. Now it is too late. Things have been booked and arrangements have been made. We both want you there very much and we hope that you can move passed the issues with the date and time that we have chosen and look forward to our occasion."

echo2_62 · February 4, 2010

I'm really sorry that you've had to go through all this and I can guarantee and good number of the ladies here have gone through something similar. You've probably heard the saying "weddings bring out the worst in people" and unfortunately DW brides are no exception to that rule!

We had problems with FI's parents to the point that they refused to speak to us for six weeks (a long time by his mom's standards) and even after the fact FI isn't sure how much of a relationship he wants to have with them anymore.

If you and FI are honestly happy with the plans that you've made so far, then I would simply explain to his parents that there are reasons you had asked for their input from the beginning and that you'd done your best to accommodate the family and still have the kind of wedding that you both will be happy with. If they can't understand that six months after the booking is too late, then that's their own fault.

For us, FI's parents knew that they would never be able to live with themselves if they missed their youngest sons wedding (he's only got one older brother too) so they came around eventually. You just have to agree between the two of you on what you really want and put your foot down. Let them be the ones to screw up and don't feel guilty for it at all!!!

purpleshells · February 4, 2010

there will always be people who will find SOMETHING to complain about..... and u know what you gotta say to yourself; TOO BAD...this is YOUR wedding YOUR DAY no one elses, they all had their own days, so do whats best for you. they wanna complain, dont take it to heart, everyone has something to say, its up to you to filter what matters. we had family say well were american we cant go to cuba, but even when they are here in the city, they dont even call us or want to see us, so why would we change our destination for them when they are most likely not going to even come anyway!