Is it appropriate to ask the guests to pay for their meal at a bridal shower?

[Emmers]

Yes, I agree that it's inappropriate to expect guests to pay their way to a shower they were invited to. I think it depends on who is officially "hosting" the wedding. If your guests receive an invitation and it states who is throwing it, the assumption is that the host is indeed taking care of the details. My recommendation would be to look at what the budget is for the shower and then do a shower within those limits. Either that or as already suggested, perhaps some of the groom's side wants to get together with the MOH and support the shower Good luck!

[vdaybride]

I think it is inappropriate. I had a shower at my favorite restaurant here in NY in a private room with a 4 course meal including 3 glasses of wine (for me) 2 glasses for my guests. My bridal party couldn't afford the entire affair, so I paid a portion and didn't have a problem doing so. They were paying a LOT of money to travel for my wedding so I thought it was appropriate. I wanted the experience so I did what needed to be done to make it happen. I hope this helps

[**~Linda~**]

Quote:

Originally Posted by giraffexx I am also a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding which is happening 2 months before I am getting married. I am one of 4 girls in her bridal party and we are splitting everything for the party 25% per bridesmaid. My question to you girls is am I expected to also give a gift at the shower since I'm already paying a pretty penny to help host the event?? Any advice welcome, I'm really stumped about this. Thanks!

Honestly i think the bridal shower IS the gift. At least that is how i took it from my bridal shower hostess when she planned mine because for me it was gift enough. She went through a lot of trouble and spent a lot of money, and everything was amazing. If you want maybe get like cute inexpensive things as a collective gift between all of you in a basket like his and her towels etc. and definitely a card or maybe just a gift card between all of you. I really don't know the particular rules to follow but just speaking from my pov.

[PaperBagPrincess]

I've thrown a few baby showers in the last little while and we went to a restaurant for a big buffet brunch (nice place), and no one had any problem paying for their own meal ($20). That being said they were smaller showers, 8-15 people and no family. Everyone raved how great it was that they got a ton of choice in food and were happy I didn't get stuck cleaning up. Everyone thought it was a nice morning out. In fact it's now become a trend within my friends to have these type of showers. Maybe because we've all been bridesmaids a bunch of times (I'm at 7) and we understand how expensive it is.

If your BMs can't afford the whole thing, maybe they could chip in $10 per guest? Maybe you chip in another $5 per guest and reduce the cost. Or get creative with the showers gifts... some theme (kitchen gadets, bing out the bathroom,etc) and ask guests to remain under the $30 mark since they are paying for high tea?

 

PS I really really love High Tea, good choice!

[jplovesme]

When I threw the shower with the other bridesmaids, we spent a lot of money, but we still had give the bride a gift certificate to her favorite spa for a facial. It was an extra $50.

 

Fortunately, the other bridesmaids (except one uncooperative one) had no problem pitching in for a gift. BUT, if any one in the bridal party is stretched thin financially, then I think the party itself is a wonderful gift. If your bride is a good person, then she should understand that you put in a lot of time, money and effort into planning the shower. For me, I would appreciate anything my girls would do for me.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by giraffexx I am also a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding which is happening 2 months before I am getting married. I am one of 4 girls in her bridal party and we are splitting everything for the party 25% per bridesmaid. My question to you girls is am I expected to also give a gift at the shower since I'm already paying a pretty penny to help host the event?? Any advice welcome, I'm really stumped about this. Thanks!

[midnight24]

yes it is totally bad etiquette to ask your guests to pay for their meal at your wedding shower. if you/your bridesmaids can't afford to do something like $25/pp high tea then do something in the budget.

 

i think it would be way more personal and fun to host a 'high tea' inspired party at someone's house. it's inexpensive to go buy a few types of tea and make finger sandwiches, scones, jams, and desserts.

 

remember guests are buying you a gift, asking them to pay for a meal too is just rude & tacky. think about how you would feel if you got that invite. weddings are expensive enough for people to attend.

[tuliprosie]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!  The bridesmaids are responsible for the shower and/or Mother of the Bride.  Where they choose to have the shower is their responsibility.  I have to vent....I just went to a shower/brunch for the bride yesterday.  It was at a very expensive restaurant and it was NEVER mentioned that everyone was responsible for their meals.  So when then bill came, everyone had to pay $60 each or more.....I am sorry that is the RUDEST wedding shower yet!!!!!!  ON TOP OF THAT, THE BRIDESMAIDS ASKED EVERYONE TO CHIP IN AND PAY FOR THE BRIDES MEAL!!!!!  Sorry, that was their responsibility so I refused!  I will never go to another one of their events.

[kefritz]

No way... I would question going

[Sophia2616]

I have to agree, I wouldnt go and just send a small gift. It sounds really tacky and ballsy IMO; especially when you can just get creative and do it at someones house and make some snacks/finger food...

[AnaSteele58]

Originally Posted by tuliprosie 

 

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!  The bridesmaids are responsible for the shower and/or Mother of the Bride.  Where they choose to have the shower is their responsibility.  I have to vent....I just went to a shower/brunch for the bride yesterday.  It was at a very expensive restaurant and it was NEVER mentioned that everyone was responsible for their meals.  So when then bill came, everyone had to pay $60 each or more.....I am sorry that is the RUDEST wedding shower yet!!!!!!  ON TOP OF THAT, THE BRIDESMAIDS ASKED EVERYONE TO CHIP IN AND PAY FOR THE BRIDES MEAL!!!!!  Sorry, that was their responsibility so I refused!  I will never go to another one of their events.

 

I have one better!  We were invited to a reception at a local restaurant. The couple was married earlier in the week at the courthouse.  Anyway, there was a preset menu with alcohol and lavish deserts. At the end of the reception FI and I said our goodbyes and were headed to the door.  The waitress stopped us and asked us to pay for our bill.  I was SHOCKED!  I told her that I'm sure the bill was taken care of since we were in a banquet room and this was a wedding reception.  She said no...its individual checks.  WHAT?!?  We had a preset menu and all!  I looked over at the bride and all she did was shrug her shoulders.  FI payed the bill and we left. But not before I went over to the gift table to retrieve my gift that I brought! UNBELIEVABLE!