Anyone else have another family wedding close to theirs causing drama?

[jenninjamaica]

Hi ladies! I need to vent a little!!! My FI has a cousin is getting married June 19th (on their grandma's 80th birthday, which is drama for another day!) and since our DW is June 1st, our social and shower's are close together. Since they had picked their day first we checked with them before setting ours and they had no problem since our AHR is July 24th and just a casual BBQ. Only my FI's parents are coming to Jamaica, so his family basically have one big white fluffy wedding, and then our BBQ. My shower has been set a month after theirs, at our request to help out the family. So what's the problem, right??

 

We have helped them in so many ways and never minded. But suddenly everything is a competition. Our socials are a month apart and they are competing to see who sells more tickets. They keep asking what our prizes are, and I don't even want to tell them anymore because I feel like we're being judged. Not to mention that they copied our letter word for word and I gave them a list of every business who donated to us, which I've been working on for like 5 months!!! But I never minded until now, because we were all friends.

 

Now the mom's are competing, and I'll admit my FMIL has been sucked in. But my FI's aunt practically hates us for having our wedding close to theirs. And trashes us every chance she gets! Apparently because they have a child together and got engaged a few months before us gives them the right to call dibs on everything. My FI and I have been together 2 years longer than them and everyone had been waiting for us to tie the knot since before they even met. I know I sound petty, but its starting to get to me.

 

Now bridal showers are becoming an issue, and again its all our fault. I honestly don't even want one because of the drama. All the other aunts are starting to take sides, mainly mine, but I feel bad because I don't want them turning on my FI's cousin. I don't want my shower to be a competition either, its suppose to be fun!

 

My FI is so upset, he doesn't want to help them in anyway now, and that's not like him. I really just don't want a permanent rift to occur because of our wedding. Its putting a damper on everything. Our social is coming up and I don't want it to be awkward, although his aunt refuses to come anyway.

 

We have been considerate of them every step of the way, and they've never once considered us. And yet we are the bad guys!! GGRRR Its so frustrating.

 

Thanks for listening and if anyone has advice I'll be glad to hear it!!!

[Preciousmi811]

Take a deep breath and laugh because its all you can do. Well since it went there already can't you combine your showers and make it a night to poke fun at the whole problem? I f you keep heading this direction it will strain your relationship with FI so laugh! Tell your aunts you are in competition and make a ridiculous deal and I bet they will laugh and realize how foolish they are acting. Address it head on but as comedic as possible. Ambush your aunt and take her out and get her drunk! Let her know its okay for everyone to enjoy this.

[AlexsBride]

The fact that everything is becoming a competition would bother me...but unfortunately I don't see any options in what you can do!! I got a little annoyed when this kind of thing happened to us. Not a competition...but we got engaged on Thanksgiving of last year and my FI's brother proposed to his GF on New Years Eve. No biggie. But then they decided that they wanted to get married sooner rather than later, so set their date for Sept. 4/2010. I didn't really think much of it at first, but then I started thinking about it. I'm four months pregnant right now (which is why we are waiting until Feb.2011 to have our wedding) and they are planning their stag 'n' doe, bachelor and bachelorette parties all during the month I am due! My FI is in the wedding party so they want me to take part as well. I just said that if I happen to go into labour, my FI WILL be missing their event in favour of him coming to the hospital with me! Also, a family member said "wow, that's a lot of wedding stuff...there might not be time with Bros wedding happening in Sept and then Christmas to even do a stag n doe or parties for Your wedding in Feb! I'm just trying to go with the flow and keep things as separate as possible. Not worth getting into a big family arguement over, especially since it's FI's family and not mine.

[jenninjamaica]

Thanks girls! I know I have to just let it go, its out of our control. Its nice to have a place to vent though!!! And its nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with these things!

[whitechocolate]

My sister and I are getting married a month apart, but so far we've managed to avoid most of the drama... She is 3 years younger than me and has been with her FI 2 years less than I have been with mine; yet they got engaged 2 years before they planned to marry, and because of that I had to plan our wedding to be after theirs...? They actually ended up picking the exact date we had wanted (June 12 - the date interracial marriages became legal!). Oh well! Once we got through the initial tension of deciding on our own wedding date, things have been relatively calm. My only beef now is that my mom isn't helping me plan at ALL but is pretty much doing everything for/with my sister...which is fine, except she doesn't even seem interested when I talk to her about my stuff...

 

Wow, I seem to have a little more drama than I thought! Sorry to semi-hijack...

[AlexsBride]

Woah....am I outta the loop or ignorant? Since when have interracial marriages not been legal

[jenninjamaica]

No worries Whitechocolate! Its nice to know I'm not the only one!!

[islandbride317]

Oh believe me, I feel ya, ladies! I'm so sorry to hear of what you're going through...

 

I almost had a meltdown back in September when my sister (2 years older) first told me that she and her fiance (who had been together close to 13 years before they actually decided to have a wedding) wanted to get married on May 17th, which would have been 3 DAYS after our wedding on May 14 (John and I would have still been in Jamaica on our honeymoon when she wanted to do this back in the States!) So....I completely flipped out on her, and said, "What the hell is the big hurry to do it 72 hours after us?!?! You've been with him over a DECADE, so if you want a war, you've got one if you go through with this!" Thankfully, she decided to move it up and got married on 12/12/09 without incident -- whew, what a relief, right?

 

But, then there's my cousin who got engaged after us, and announced she wanted to have her wedding in Sept. 2010....in HAWAII! 2 DWs in our family only a few months apart was surely going to cause our relatives to have to choose between us, or so I thought. Turns out, that she and her FI won't be able to attend our wedding, and we won't be able to afford to go to theirs, so there are no hurt feelings there, and no one in our family is "choosing", at all! Everyone pretty much decided that if they can't go to both, they won't go to either, and we haven't really felt the need to compete as of yet, so I'm hoping the mutual respect for each other's Big Days continues...

 

I HOPE YOU OTHER GIRLS CAN FIND A SIMILAR PEACE WITH YOUR RELATIVES, BECAUSE YOU'LL STILL BE FAMILY AFTER THE WEDDINGS ARE LONG OVER! HUGS, and I'll be praying everyone can find some common ground where there is less stress for all involved!

[mnh1983]

I've got family issues going on with my wedding too, and I've decided that you can't worry about pleasing or appeasing everyone else. You've made plans, so you should stick to them. Tell them you are sorry that they are frustrated but that you are unable to change anything. They can either deal with it or be quiet.

[jplovesme]

Why is most wedding drama caused by family members You can't really do anything, and it's really their problem that they are touchy about this situation. Really, if they have such a problem with YOUR plans and events, then tell them not to bother showing up to them. You don't need their negative energy. I feel for you and your FI. Stay focused on yourselves.