The First Family Fight...Children at the Wedding

[Debs]

IMO, our wedding day is 1 day out of 7 that they will be going away for. If they can afford to bring their kids with them, there is no way I can expect them to leave their kids at home.

 

Most people that have kids are leaving them home, but my close girlfriend is bringing her daughter who will be 4. Didn't expect a flower girl, but hey, she's going to be there, so why not? that is the only kiddie we are expecting.

[kay726]

We kind of had a no kids wedding. The Sandals resort where we got married did not let children under 3 onto the resort. Kids older than 3 had to get special permission and had to leave immediately after the reception and in addition we could not get married near the water because of the kids. My husband's uncle brought his 3 kids at the last minute one of whom was the flower girl. It initially pissed me off because I always envisioned having the wedding on the water, but I didn't want to break my little flower girls heart. But I really think it is your choice as to whether you want kids or not there since it is your big day.

[Alisarosenbaum]

Thank you all so much for the feedback. It is so different to hear all of your opinions rather than my friends here who are not going through the whole destination wedding planning drama. As someone else said, none of our friends have children, and the majority of our friends are still single. I feel like that just sets the tone of the wedding, and we have planned everything to be very romantic and swanky. This issue is only about 2 small kids, but...use saying we are having a "no children" wedding has been able to ensure that it is the small intimate wedding that we want. We did not invite most of our parents friends kids, using the reason as that we are having a no kids weddng. This has really helped us keep the guest list down, but now makes it more difficult to allow one person to bring kids.

 

We talked about it last night, and decided that the first night (BBQ on the beach) would be kid friendly enough and it would be fine if they brought their kids. I am going to explain though that the other two nights are adults only, and again, tell them about the babysitter. We will see how it goes

[foxytv]

Good Luck! Definitely keep us posted! We are all rooting for you!!!

[NATASHA]

You know, we had 10 kids ranging from 1 1/2 to 17. I didn't notice any of them (except our flower girl and ring bearer who were adorable) at the wedding or the reception! Funny. We have cute pictures of them dancing with their parents, though.

 

If there are only two kids, those two kids will stick really close to their parents and I suspect they will be very well behaved. I doubt you or your guests will even see them (aside from the other guests sitting at their table). Regardless, if you feel like this is that important to you, then go for it, but be ok with graciously accepting the family drama (I'm not a parent, but I suspect that if someone asked me to leave them with a child care provider that I didn't know or someone I trusted didn't know, that would be very hard for me).

[CaboDate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alisarosenbaum So my FI and I decided to have an adults only wedding, which we knew would upset a number of people. Most people with children are either not coming, or getting babysitters back home. My cousin called me to see if she could bring her kids to the wedding because she did not feel comfortable leaving them with the Hilton babysitter. We do not want kids at the wedding. Has anyone dealt with this??

We had a tough time dealing with this one as well.. Lots of friends have little ones. So we found a resort with a baby sitter, like you did, and asked that it be an adult only wedding and reception. For us it was easier because my sister decided to turn this trip into a romantic trip with her husband, and leave their 2 behind.. and my brother is leaving his 3 behind and making it a long weekend trip. With that in mind.. I told my guests with kids.. none of the family kids are coming so we asked that no kids come! I do have a couple girl friends who are just having kids before the wedding.. and we told them any infants or babies who need to be fed, of course can come and we're setting up a 'pack n-play' in one of the rooms of the Villa we rented for the wedding. We've just asked not to have any toddlers running around. A couple of our guests who don't feel comfortable with the resort sitter are bringing a grandparent along.. another couple talked about chipping in and bringing one nanny from home, for several kids. Maybe to solve that problem you and your fiance can chip in and pay for one nanny to come with .. who people know and feel more comfortable with.. and during the wedding/reception they can leave their kids with THAT nanny instead of the hotels. We did have one woman who didn't like any of the ideas we suggested.. so she's coming, she's bringing her kids, and not coming to the Wedding and reception.. but her husband is.
To each his own, right? But in the end your friends and family should be respectful of your decision. It is your day!!

[NATASHA]

Oh, you know, I forgot about that. My bridesmaid brought her sister (who I know and totally love hanging with) who watched her son. He was at the wedding, but since she was there, she watched out for him and (because kids all play together - some of the other kids as well) so that the parents could have a good time and she took him to bed when it was time. That was really helpful. Also, a lot of the family member kind of took turns over the week playing with the kids at the pool so that the parents (even if they were right there) could engage in adult conversations, etc.

[NYJen]

Basically it all boils down to the kind of wedding you want. Some people don't mind having kids at their wedding, and that's fine. I personally didn't invite any because I don't want them there. Bottom line - kids definitely cause a distraction and honestly, the day isn't about them. I know my friends and family would end up spending all their time watching their kids instead of having fun with us. I'm sure that sounds selfish, but it is my day afterall, right?

[foxytv]

We have one couple coming who's bringing their two kids -- AND their own babysitter.

[Alisarosenbaum]

So here is the update! I called and said very nicely that I am sorry that this is the siutation, but when we booked our venues, we assumed parents would be okay with using a babysitter, and this was out fault because we do not have kids, we did not realize there would be a concern with using a hotel sitter. We then said the kids were welcome to the beach BBQ, but the remaining two nights remained adults only. I then said I had located 2 different sitters, and I could give her both contacts if she wanted to call. She said thank you for the information and that was it. So I have no idea if she will be coming or not.