The First Family Fight...Children at the Wedding

[LCBride2007]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly Oh Jaime, look at how pretty Ann's wedding was with all of the little kids, coming down the isle before Ann, I thought it was beautiful.

awwww - thanks!



honestly, it was very important to us to have those girls involved in the wedding - we wouldn't have had it any other way! i think kids just make a wedding. we actually asked people to bring their kids - but one set of friends actually flew their parents in (who weren't invited to teh wedding) just to bring along a babysitter (is this an option for your family?). those girls mean the world to paul (and me too!) - and he's "favorite uncle Paulie!" lol

sorry, off track.

but if you don't want kids, that's your decision. but i do think you may lose a couple guests and as long as you're ok with that i think you'll be fine! it's really a personal choice.

[NYJen]

Honestly, I don't understand why people get upset over stuff like this. For crying out loud, this is a wedding, not a BBQ. It's about the bride and groom - not about Aunt Jane being able to bring her kids. Get over it!

 

And if someone is actully going to cause a fight over something like that, then they're completely being selfish. Who wants them there anyway if they're not putting the bride and groom's wishes first.

 

Honestly, how much have you ever asked of these people? They can't do this one thing for you. Stick to your decision and don't feel bad about it at all.

[-Kate-]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenandBrendanWedding Honestly, I don't understand why people get upset over stuff like this. For crying out loud, this is a wedding, not a BBQ. It's about the bride and groom - not about Aunt Jane being able to bring her kids. Get over it! And if someone is actully going to cause a fight over something like that, then they're completely being selfish. Who wants them there anyway if they're not putting the bride and groom's wishes first. Honestly, how much have you ever asked of these people? They can't do this one thing for you. Stick to your decision and don't feel bad about it at all.

Word!

Life is full of choices that aren't always fun to make. Here, they have to choose to 1) go to your wedding wo their kids or 2) not go to your wedding. Your job is to have the wedding you want, not to help them fulfill their selfish fantasies of getting exactly what they want.
That's the basic rule of DWs. Lots of our guests would be happier if we got married closer to home but we aren't having this wedding for them. We are not changing the wedding we want to make others happy.
Don't feel bad.

[jak27]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JenandBrendanWedding Honestly, I don't understand why people get upset over stuff like this. For crying out loud, this is a wedding, not a BBQ. It's about the bride and groom - not about Aunt Jane being able to bring her kids. Get over it! And if someone is actully going to cause a fight over something like that, then they're completely being selfish. Who wants them there anyway if they're not putting the bride and groom's wishes first. Honestly, how much have you ever asked of these people? They can't do this one thing for you. Stick to your decision and don't feel bad about it at all.

Um, I think you pretty much summed it up. Well done, Jen, well done.

We actually had this problem early, when we did our Save the Dates, we only addressed them to the parents/adults, and didn't include children's names (b/c typically they would be on the inside envelope, but we didn't have one). So it started quite the gossip line immediately, and finally I had to send out an email to the family saying that we were only going to be including children of family members, hence the reason we left their names off, but they were still very annoyed. GIVE ME A BREAK. This is my wedding, back off!

Ok, I feel better now!

[LCBride2007]

because i am a curious person, can i ask (this is for the folks that had adults-only weddings) ... why did you want adults only? why no kids?

 

(sorry to hijack, my curiosity got the best of me)

[jak27]

Quote:

Originally Posted by akh because i am a curious person, can i ask (this is for the folks that had adults-only weddings) ... why did you want adults only? why no kids? (sorry to hijack, my curiosity got the best of me)

Ours initially wasn't about not wanting children there, but really just for simplicity's sake.

I have a million cousins who now have babies, and they are typically in each other's wedding. I would love to have flower girls and ring bearers, but didn't want the families to feel like they had to come and bring thier children just so they could be in the ceremony. So we didn't officially name flower girls, etc for that reason.

But now, after we know who will be attending, we will ask the flower girls to participate, which will make the ones who aren't coming mad, but there's no way to make everyone happy.

The other guests don't really have children, only two of my friends have children, and they're too young to travel anyway. I think me & my friends are in that about-to-have-children age, so most are either married w/o children, or single.

[Fotini]

Quote:

Originally Posted by akh because i am a curious person, can i ask (this is for the folks that had adults-only weddings) ... why did you want adults only? why no kids? (sorry to hijack, my curiosity got the best of me)

I have to say, we are having kids at our DW.. BUT if we had a wedding at home it would definitely adults only, I guess it depends on your family size. there are 23 kids under the age of 8 in family.. I have seen them take over the dance floor.. and not in a good way... but the destination things is different.

Although I've been to a wedding in mexica that was at an adults only resort. And there were a bunch of couples that left the kids home with grandparents!!

[Rachelle E.]

I completely understand both sides of this.

 

I had a wedding near my hometown and I chose to have a "no kids" wedding. I just didn't particularly want to have a bunch of little kids running around my reception, knocking over candles (me worrying about them catching things on fire!) someone crying during my vows etc. I know it sounds shallow and selfish, but I wanted a peaceful day and an adult oriented reception and all the children of the 150 guests I had did not sound like it would help create the enviroment I really wanted.

 

That being said...I DID have flower girls and a ring bearer. But they were the only children there. My nephew was by far the youngest (3yrs old) but has always been oddly well behaved so I didn't have to worry about him wreaking any real havoc! lol! Also, my sister was 8 months pregnant w/ my niece at the time - so they ducked out a little early from the reception. As it turned out, I was happy with everything. . . Enjoyed having the children that are a part of our lives there and didn't have to hang out with a bunch of other kids that I don't really know.

 

So yeah, that was long but I guess what I'm saying is that it can work either way. And the girls are right, do what you want - but you're making some sort of sacrifice either way. It's a matter of which one you'd rather make.

 

If you're looking for a "happy medium" sort of solution...IS there perhaps a friend that you could take with you who might act as nanny during the wedding? That way it's a least someone that you and your FI are familiar with, can vouch for etc. That person could hang out with everyone in the days prior to the wedding - get to know the kids and parents a bit and perhaps make it more feasible for the parents to attend the event and know that their children are taken care of. . .by someone they're familiar with.

[foxytv]

I still think you within your rights to have your wedding day your way, as long as FI and you both realize some people are going to continue to be bent out of shape. Are you having an AHR?

 

One thing others who want an adults-only wedding might want to consider from the start is an adults-only resort. That way, saying "no" to kids is easy. :-)

[NATASHA]

What about stating that it's an adults only wedding, setting up a kids activity area nearby so the kids feel like they can play but they still know their mom's are close (and having a sitter or two there - we hired one through Maye and she was great and not expensive) so that the mom's and dad's can come and go as needed, and then giving them a bit of leeway if the kids make their way over to the celebration?