Am I A Bad Bride? - Long

[hoyt75]

Okay, so maybe this is more of a rant than anything, but our families are making me feel like a super crappy bride! We bought a house last summer, and immediately decided that we wanted to have a dw because 1) the cost and 2) we're are not fussy and detail oriented. His whole family has given us a hard time about a dw from the beginning, and we basically said to darn bad, and unless you're paying, this is what we're doing! So my fi officially put the ring on my hand around Halloween, and we started looking at resorts and places to go. Made a decision around Thanksgiving and announced it to everyone during Thanksgiving dinner (he has a very large family and it was the most convenient option).

 

So here's where my problems really start... My mother lives a few thousand miles away and got really sick, to the point she was hospitalized, and wasn't able to help me find a dress. I asked a close friend if she would be able to help me, and it was only her and I to go dress shopping. Apparently his family got really upset that they weren't invited to go dress shopping, and my mom was obviously upset because she couldn't come either. It's not that I was trying to exclude them, I just knew the style of dress that I was looking for (sleek and sexy) and didn't want to hear their criticism about the type of dresses that I was considering. Once my dress came in and after the alterations, I decided to ask my fi mom, grandma, sister, and sister in law to come and see the dress. I thought that this would be a good way to try make them feel as though they were being incorporated into our wedding. Bad idea. Immediately they started saying how it wasn't the right dress, and that it was way too sexy and revealing.

 

Next problem, his family wanted to throw me a bridal shower and I begrudgingly agreed (I do not like attention and I feel totally uncomfortable with these things). This also meant that we had to register. We didn’t want to register because the things that we need/want are expensive and we feel guilty about even suggesting people spending that kind of money on us. His grandmother insisted on throwing me a shower, so I went ahead and registered, and then they got upset with us because we registered for nice kitchen things like utensils, cutlery, and pots and pans. We were very explicate when we explained that if we had to register then we were registering for things that we wanted and were going to buy, regardless. Oh, and I failed to mention that our plates are the same ones that my fi ate off of when he was 5, and I only have 1 frying pan and 1 stock pot to my name. Everything in my kitchen has been given to us. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some ungrateful twit, I just think it's time to have our own plates and utensils, and I would be really nice to cook a meal and not have to clean my only frying pan 5 times in the process.

 

Moving onward... We wanted our wedding to be really small, maybe 20 people max. Everyone already knew that we were doing a dw because his mom threw such a fit about it, and they all knew the date and where we were going. So, we decided to save a little bit of money and just send out a mass email to all those invited to the wedding. FYI - this didn't go over well at all. Even my mom who has been pretty laid back became very upset about this. The e-mail just explained our decision to have a dw and that we were looking forward to spending quality time with those that we love during the most important moment of our life, and there was an attachment for our wedding website w/ contact info to the travel agent. People were so upset that we didn't send out "nice paper invites" instead! Seriously, we didn’t think that it mattered that much! We're going to send out paper invites for our ahr instead.

 

It seems to me that too many people get caught up in all the pretty details of a wedding and forget what it's all about. The most important thing to us is just to get married, to make that commitment to each other in front of the people we love most. Nothing else really matters to me, I just want to get stinkin' married! Am I the one being selfish? Maybe my wedding isn't really about me, maybe it's really about everyone else being happy. I understand that people can be upset about not being able to join us on our wedding day, but it's okay, we'll see everyone that can't make it (including 100's of other friends and family) when we get back. Maybe I am the worst bride on the planet.

[amygirl1169]

You sound like the majority of us DW on this site! No bad at all, just doing what you want to do and saving money where you can. Nothing wrong with that.

 

I feel you on the registry... we only have 1 store locally that really does a registry and I find everything over priced... I hated adding things to it!

[mwcfarms]

I dont that you are a Bad Bride at all. Its your wedding and if they want to have more input etc maybe you can get their help and suggestions or the AHR. Good luck.

[Tam]

Hoyt75,

You are NOT a bad bride at all and quite frankly a lot of what you said is exactly what I went through too... we didn't send out invites, only evites for STD (not intentional, but just how it happened)... I pretty much got flack for everything I planned or did/said from someone. I learned very quickly to smile and nod, say "that's not what I want" or "well next time you plan your wedding, you are free to do that"... and let it go. People are just trying to help really but imposing opinions on you doesn't really cut it.

 

Just stick to you guns, know what you want and don't voice your detailed plans to too many people... I found that's where a lot of opinions/comments came in and would upset me.... I actually fee like I planned a lot of our wedding on my own without help as I couldn't take the negative comments etc.

 

You are not a bad bride at all... this is YOUR day, not theirs and you need to stick with what you want.. and most of what is going on won't matter 1,2 or 5 years from now!

 

just wait til we have kids!!!

[latoya1908]

This is an easy one....DO WHAT YOU WANT...and forget everyone else! Simple. My thing is, I don't particularly care to have everyone's opinion on my dw and all the things that come with it. For example, I didn't solicit the advice of my fi's sister on my dress until I had narrowed my selection down to two I could live with. So what they weren't there for the initial try-ons. People kill me thinking they have a say in your life decisions and even worse....YOUR MONEY!

[mslis007]

I agree with everyone here...it is supposed to be your day, somehow though no one seems to get that. If you are paying for it, do what you want. That is actually why I am not letting anyone help with the cost - I am scared I would feel obligated to do what they want.

Why do weddings bring out the worst in people?!

[**Kat**]

I haven't read the rest of the answers yet.. but I want to say that I do NOT think that you are a bad bride!

 

I got some flack about the choice to have a DW too. And let me tell you, it didnt make me feel bad AT ALL! This is my day and I want everyone to be able to make it.. but I will be darned if I am going to plan my wedding for everyone else.. you know?

 

The people that really want to be there will make it.. and you should tell the rest that while you appreciate what they have to say.. it really isnt helpful. sooooooo they can get on board and help.. or they can stay home..

 

[**~Linda~**]

Your not a bad bride at all girl! Its all about what you guys want for your day let no one stand in your way about it. Yeah you cant please everyone aka with the dress etc. but you have to please yourself and your FI during your wedding, to stinking bad for everyone else. Onward with your day girl! Your going to have a blast =)

[hat0112]

You are not a bad bride! And it is your and your FI’s big day, no one else’s! If you want to go to the courthouse in white PJs and have a reception at Taco Bell then go for (not that I recommend that or will ever do it but I saw on the news last year that a couple got married in Taco Bell ). I saw don’t let them get to you, but if my parents did what your family is doing I would be upset, but still stand my ground.

 

Just remember what you said, all that matters is that you and your FI are getting married!

[ChicagoPT]

You are not a bad bride! I think alot of dw brides go through this. both my family and my fiances had to put all their complaints in right away when we planned our wedding. This is too expensive, this date doesnt work, etc. Finally my mom got excited when other family members and some of her friends got excited about it and thought it was a great idea. You just have to do what YOU want to do. There is no way you can make everyone happy. And even if you do they would find something else to complain about!!!