I don't know what to do...need to vent!

[michelle08]

So, I am pretty much annoyed with this whole wedding planning!

 

My FI and I have already had some blow outs because of this wedding and we just had another one. I'm annoyed because no matter what we do, we keep running into conflicts with our wedding date! We already changed the date a couple time because of conflicts and now we realize that we might have another conflict with my FI best friend (possible best man). His wife is going to be graduating from her Master's program that day or the day before so they may not be able to make it!

 

I know I can't accommodate everyone. I already came to terms with that awhile back...but it seems that if the people we would rather have there can't come then why are we even doing it??

 

you have to understand me...i am cheap and I have a hard time justifying spending money on things. So if it's only going to end up being family, then why should we spend so much money to have a "reception" when we can just go and have dinner afterward? The reason I am questioning this instead of just doing this is because of my FMIL. She thinks we need to have some big production because her whole life revolves around impressing people and I am tired of catering to everyone else!

 

On top of that...if people keep dropping like flys, why are we making everyone go so far away? My mom and stepdad are going but would probably rather not considering my mom cares for my sick grandmother and I know she is stressing about having to find someone to watch her! My FI siblings have no money so his mom is going to have to pay to get them out there on top of paying for herself and says she is going to give us $5,000 but she doesn't even have a ton of money! What's the point?? I am not counting on that $5,000 until I see it.

 

My FI doesn't want to have it local because neither of us want a big production and if we have it local we will have to invite other people. He thinks we should just elope and honestly I think I am okay with that...I just feel like the family (mostly his...mine already okayed the eloping) will not let us live it down!!

 

I just don't know what to do!!! Anyway...I just needed to talk to someone about it. i feel like all my friends and family have their own life and could care less about my wedding issues!

[RaydensMama]

HUn Im so sorry you are going through all this! It is really hard when you are trying to please others as well as yourself. I say if you are truely okay with eloping then do it. It doesnt seem like you can please your FIs family anyways, so dont even bother trying. Could you not just elope and have a reception in your area afterwards?

I know we were having so many problems with pleasing people that we just gave up on having a DW and decided to stay here. Its been a lot less stressful, but I told everyone from the get go that it was OUR wedding so it would be planned OUR way. And I have stuck to that. SOmetimes you have to let people down, but just remember this is your day, so do it the way YOU want it to be done. I really hope the two of you can get this all figured out!

[rodent]

I think you almost have to set a date & stick to it. If you move it to accomidate 1 person it then may not work for another. When we decided to do a DW, we thought about how we'd feel if siblings or close friends were not there. We decided that as long as we had a few people, that would be enough to be happy. So as long as a few people make it, we are not going to worry about the rest. I don't think I'd want it to be just the two of us, but thats me.

 

It may be too late to say it will be just the two of you. I know I feel that way about our wedding. People are already excited & planning their trip. I think we'd let a lot of people down.

 

We decided to go with the strategy of "here is our date, if you can come we'd love to spend time with you in mexico, if you can't we'll miss you but spend time with you when we get back." We are now just going to sit back & see who ends up coming. I'm trying to avoid getting involved. We are not doing a room block so I don't need to know in advance.

 

We are also not having a reception afterwards. We plan on just enjoying all the hotel has to offer. There are already bars, restaurants, karaoke, & a disco at the hotal. I think we can have a great time just using whats already there. I'm glad we are doing it this way because I don't have to get so concerned about how many people are coming or who brings guests along. I could also be considered cheap, but really I think its that I look for value. My guest are laid back people who will just want to have fun. They will not be expecting me to impress them. So I'm focusing more on planning a really fun vacation, not a beautiful wedding. I think my guest will love it & we are saving a lot of money.

 

I also feel the same way about having a local wedding. I feel like it would turn into a production & we'd have to invite more people than we want to. Thats why we opted for a destination wedding. We wanted to keep it fun, simple & inexpensive. Everytime I started planning a local wedding I felt sick.

 

I hope it works out. Let us know what you decide.

[tvt]

aww Michelle that sucks. Picking a date is almost as hard a picking a location. When we set our we asked those most important to us if they thought they could make that date and then we set it. There's no way you'll please everyone, and sounds like you've already come to terms with that. Now the question is how far will you go to find a date where your closest family/friends can make it?

 

When we started picking a location/date we had blow outs too! It's tough and we talked about eloping for a long time. The only thing that help us back from that is that I would totally regret not walking down the isle with my family and few close friends there. Otherwise we totally would have done it.

 

Good luck! It will pass, just stick with it!

[michelle08]

Thank you guys!! I knew that I would feel a little better after getting some advice...

 

I have calmed down now...probably because I got out of the house and haven't been thinking about it!

 

It's good to know that I am not the only one who has had these issues! I guess if we elope we can have AHR but then to me it's like having an AHW plus reception...more people to come and invite...

 

Morgan you are right about getting involved. I thought I would sound mean if I said that...but I wanted to do a room block because we would get extra perks..but I'm tired of figuring that out now too. I have some of FI family who works w/ a travel agent so they want to book their own and so we can't count them and then my mom was offered a time share from a friend which is better for them because they save money...then at the rate people are dropping...I probably wouldn't even meet the minimum and then I would be stuck paying for it all. If I just let everyone do their own thing then they can figure it out...I just don't think I need the added stress of trying to make sure everyone has their air and hotel taken care of!

 

The other good point is that is what I want to do...make this a really fun weekend and not like a wedding. Yes they are going there for my wedding...but that takes me back to the "big production" thing. I am more excited and interested in planning group excursions and doing oot bags then about centerpieces, music, etc...probably because I didn't want a traditional wedding!!!

 

I am going to have to quit being nice and just law down the law!!! Pick exactly what I want and go with it!!!

 

As far as the people who can't make it...oh well..I guess I will get over it. I mean it's my FI friend and he says he is okay with it...I just don't believe him for some reason! Not really my problem though I guess.

 

Thanks you guys!!!!

[JaimeLynne]

Aww Michelle, I'm so glad you are feeling better!

 

I can definitely relate to what you said about not feeling like you can talk to your friends and family about the wedding issues. It does seem like they all have their own stuff going on (which they do) and you don't want to "bother" them or if you do it just seems like they don't really care that much or they care too much and it drives you nuts! lol Thank goodness for this forum!!

[rodent]

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. I have moments of panic that we shouldn't be having a destination wedding, but then I look at pictures from DWs on this forum & see how much fun the bride/groom/guests are having at the wedding and know its what we should do. The weddings I've enjoyed the most were not the most elaborate, but the ones that were a lot of fun. So I'm keeping that in mind when I plan. And you know the pictures will be amazing because the background is already beautiful. What I really want from my wedding are pictures of our friends & family laughing together and having funny moments that we will talk about for a long time. So I just feel like if we get everyone together in a fun & beautiful location (and add a little alcohol) everyone is going to have a blast & its going to be a vacation we'll never forget.

[michelle08]

That is exactly what I am thinking...This couple though in question right now was totally going to come and who knows now...and they are fun so it sucks...we will figure it out though.

 

I really do want a destination wedding so I don't want to change that...I just want everyone there and I am being a big baby and getting upset that I can't have what I want!

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by michelle08 I am more excited and interested in planning group excursions and doing oot bags then about centerpieces, music, etc...probably because I didn't want a traditional wedding!!!

Me too. Thats how I know it was the right choice. The thought of picking out centerpieces & other decorations made me feel sick. I'm loving planning excursions, picking a hotel, making OOT bags and all the other DW stuff. I also love that there isn't a lot to do so I can just overdo what little there is. I'm spending way too much time on OOT bags, my website, picture montages, etc., but its so much fun.

[michelle08]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mlb36 Me too. Thats how I know it was the right choice. The thought of picking out centerpieces & other decorations made me feel sick. I'm loving planning excursions, picking a hotel, making OOT bags and all the other DW stuff. I also love that there isn't a lot to do so I can just overdo what little there is. I'm spending way too much time on OOT bags, my website, picture montages, etc., but its so much fun.

So you said that you weren't having a reception after the ceremony...are you just going to a restaurant and then go out afterward?? About how many people are you having?