Why are people so rude??

[MsKenyaF]

Hello Friends!

 

 

I know many brides here felt the same way but why are people so rude? My FI & I got engaged during Thanksgiving weekend on a cruise & waaay before we got engaged we always said we wanted a destination wedding. It doesn't necessarily have to be in the Caribbean but we definitely DO NOT want it here in NYC. My friends are totally for the destination wedding (well at least that's what they led me to believe), my mother & FI parents loves the idea. But other family members are totally throwing all their negative comments & telling me where, how & when I should do my wedding. Let me give you a brief bio on the FI & myself... we are very very private people. We do not let people get into our business. We have a very small circle of close friends. So to have family members who we do not interact with in THAT level tell us how we should do our wedding is pretty much rude. I've never needed anyone to help me guide my life. Im the only child (nope..never been spoiled. I had to EARN everything I got from my parents..lol) & I've always been a self-thinker & goal getter. No one never had to tell me, you have to go to college & get a good career or had to school me on relationships. So why now after 32 years is anyone telling me how to run things. As soon as I told family members that we were getting engaged & said it won't be in NY..there it went..well NO ONE IS GOING TO COME. Well, as far as we're concern You don't have to. No one is obligated to come. These are the same people who has screwed up kids that they can't regulate but TRYING to regulate me & rain on my parade..UMM I think not! Honestly, I don't except alot of people to come to my wedding especially from my father's side. My father passed away about 7 years ago. When he was alive they called to talk to him & after he passed away they don't call us at all. Not even for the holidays. My mother & I try to keep the communication line open but why continue that if its not reciprocated. MY FI sister just told her mother that she don't think she will be able to afford to come. What I don't understand is she makes a six figure salary, always traveling, buying luxury item this & that & brought her 7 year old a cell phone for Christmas. But you can't afford it? Are you serious? I think 11 months is enough time to save up a least $100 a month (not saying that it would be that much but you get me right?).

 

I would NEVER tell someone how to have their wedding. I have a very close girlfriend of mines whose also one of my bridesmaids whose getting married in August & she was stressing that the guest list was getting too big. I just told her maybe she should really look it over again & eliminate people that aren't that close. There was also one point where she was worried cause I after she booked her site people was saying that the place is ugly & the food sucks. HOW RUDE IS THAT??!! My job hold their Christmas party at that location every year & the place is lovely & the food is great. I told her those people are called HATERS & pay them no mine.

 

Honestly, if I were to have in NY, I would still invite the same amount of people about...30-40. There would be no additional people added. This has nothing to do about money cause if I was loaded I would still want it to be same. I do not believe a wedding should be a big production just so people can see a show. Its about my FI & I & the MOST important people in our lives to share it with.

 

After all is said & done I know people are going to say... she's such an 'ITCH' but those are the exact people that are being negative anyways so that is expected. But I am getting to point that I want to share quiet of few nasty words with the haters.

 

Thoughts? How can I kindly say, don't f'ing come & keep your negative vibe to yourself! Or excuse me but are you paying for my wedding in anyway? How about you pay the whole wedding cost to have it in NY & I would go off elsewhere & do it the way I want it? LOL

[Sapphire723]

Haha, I've actually used the phrase "Oh? So you're going to foot the bill for me to have it in CT? Thank you SO MUCH!"

 

I would just say politely, "We understand that not everyone will be able to make the Destination Wedding, so we will not be offended if you are unable to attend."

 

Or if you wanted to be sassy about it you could add "I know that this means only a select few who make it a priority to celebrate with us will be there, but we would rather not change our dream wedding to accommodate those who don't find our wedding a priority in their lives."

 

You don't need to fight with them over it. If they're negative and don't wanna come, just tell them that you're sorry they can't make it, but this is how it's being planned, and then change the subject.

[jk1101]

MsKenyaF - I know it's hard - a lot of people will give you their opinions on how and when and where you should get married, but be strong and just smile and say "I (we) really appreciate your opinion, but FI and I have decided that we really love the idea of a Destination Wedding, so that's what we're doing - We really hope you'll be able to come, but if you can't, we'll understand". I said that to everyone up front. What I've learned is that the people that really count will do their best to come no matter what, and there are just some people who like to hear themselves talk. Don't let them bring you down!

[karenk77]

Hi Kenya

OMG do I know how you feel..people are selfish, and I hate to say it and I hope it wont happen to you but I had the same experience, down to people telling me why i chose DR instead of somewhere else. The reason i chose DR is because people told me that they had the best all inclusive that would be cheapest for people to go (that was before everyone got scared of mexico) and like you my dad passed away and through all that I was in 9 weddings NINE 3 ,maid of honors and 6 bridesmaids wearing the nastiest dresses you can ever imagine but they were my friends and if they asked me to wear a garbage bag id do that too because it was making them happy. ask me how many of them are coming? whos saying its too expensive, to far to this to that..and i was crushed in the beginning, now i just distanced myself from all of them. because i understand its far and its expensive and i dont expect everyone to come because people have families and responsiblities..but when im not telling u how dare u spend 1k on a pair of shoes, dont dare tell me why did i chose this place. not to mention the fact that before ppl were doing destination weddings that was the dream of my life even as a kid i always said i just want a sick dress, beach and flipflops lol. but i do expect people to be genuinely happy for you as you were for them and the truth is they just arent sad to say. and some people may have been fortunate finding amazing people around them but not all of us have been that lucky.

having a wedding in NY is insanely expensive but besides that ur sayin thats what u wanted...tell everyone to go f themselves or even better just ignore them, thats what i do now and i find that its so much easier..less drama, less BS.

if you need to vent to someone that fully understands you im here

[vdaybride]

I can definitely relate!! I too always wanted a DW and when I started planning surprisingly no one made any negative comments on my side of the family (I have a VERY opinionated family) but on my FI side, the comments were flying. My FI really didn't care that some of them were upset because at the end of the day WE are the most important people that plan on attending the wedding. If noone but us showed up, we would absolutely be fine with that!! Try not to let the negative nellys get to you. This is your special time try to enjoy it and don't let the naysayers spoil allof the joyous planning days ahead of you.

[Pastryqueen_Tanya]

Sadly I too can relate. Its unfortunate, and really hard to let it go, but you have too. Just let it go and do what you want! I tried to please a lot of people, everyone said they were in, once i booked a lot of people changed their minds and told me it was too expensive or other lame excuses...Whatever! It will be fabulous and they will miss it. I have learned some valuble lessons about some people and will not miss them.

SOrry for your trouble tho. It sucks!

[*Meagan*]

I think we can all relate in one way or another to this topic. Its sad to say but someone is always going to rain on someone's parade. Looking back I should have just looked past it. You cant make decisions for everyone. You cant change anyones mind. And you for sure can not make everyone happy. So worry about you and FI and the people that matter the most will be there.

[svetayasofiya]

This is just the first of many ups and downs you are going to have re. your DW. Don't let it get to you because there is no point. People are going to behave the way they want and it sucks, it's hurtful, it's selfish but you can't change it. Just plan your dream wedding and the most important people will be there to celebrate with you. We have all been through this so we totally get it. That's why this site is so awesome. The support is unbelievable.

 

Like water off a ducks back!

 

The haters are all just jealous.

[grassali]

I am so how relieved to read I am not the only person who is having a hard time with our destination wedding.  Yes it's my dream to have a destination wedding but I didn't just do it for my own benifit. 

 

Both my FI and I are not from Vancouver, none of his family member live in town (i mean the closest one is 5-hours on plane), and I have a very small family (my mother and my older brother) never really close with my other relatives.  My mother doesn't even live in North America.  The only family member that lives near Vancouver is my brother.  So both my FI and I think it's reasonable to just have destination wedding because even if we have it here all of our family members will have to travel except one.  And unless you are an outdoor person, Vancouver is the worst place to visit.  The city is not that interesting and very expensive.

 

As soon as we told people we are having destination wedding, all the negative comments come out, everyone thinks that we should our wedding in the city each one of them lives, to avoid any inconvience for each one of them, but there is really no point of listen to what we actually want.  Yeah, my FI and I are paying the entire wedding ourselves but we should do it in a way everyone can get a free meal out of us but not cost them a single penny.  That's essentially what I have been told all along.  And of course, there is tones of  "you are the most selfish person ever, or you should pay for our plane tickets, or you should know no one will go to your wedding" and such kind of suggestions.

 

What I found most unbelievable at the end, my own brother who is making close 6 figure income was telling me "you are not my priority!  there is never extra money to spend on you."  "You should feel sorry coz you can't pay for me and my gf to go to your wedding".  I felt really sad for a while and now I am just so angry.

 

I know there is really no point of complainning about this whole thing, but I just really need a bit of support.

 

 

[nancya]

We have not even announced our destination wedding plans to anyone but our parents but there is already drama. We are planning on flying our parents and siblings out to an all inclusive resort for a week for a vacation and our wedding ceremony. Then when we are back in Boston we will have a reception for everybody. My parents are fine with it but FI's mother is insisting we do not do it because we will not make our money back.....shocked was my reaction. She is telling us to do a traditional asian wedding so that we will make our money back at the banquet. FI is insisting we do whatever we want because in the end it's our wedding but I am hesitant to start out our marriage and my relationship with his mother like this. I thought they would be thrilled....I mean a paid vacation for them what else could they be asking for. She even said to him why don't you two just go get married why do we have to go?? I was beyond words when he told me this. She doesn't even want to watch her eldest son get married?!?! In her eyes it's all about making your money back, not about our happiness.