Stupid family. I don't want it to bother me but it does.

[amandseth]

Sounds to me like your aunt is just using your cousins situation as an excuse. Likely, she has other reasons for not going, but doesn't want to disappoint you by making you feel like she can't make it a priority. So she has found an 'out' that doesn't place the responsibility directly on herself.

 

People are often motivated by their emotions or lack thereof. And act in strange ways that can easily be misinterpreted or only seen for face value by those who fall victim to their actions. Recognize that you have no control over how others act/feel, but you do have control over how you accept/react to their actions/feelings. Sometimes you just have to step aside and choose not to be a part of someone's drama. I think this advice can be applied to your aunt as well as to the member who tore a strip off you earlier in the thread.

 

As a human being you are entitled to feel. Your feelings are always valid, regardless of rationality. I think what you were looking for here was an outside perspective, not a chastizing.

 

Focus on yourself, within this process, and not on how others are judging/dealing with it. You will have an amazing time, regardless. All that matters is that you and your groom get to the alter and say your vows. Everything else is just a story for the kids.

 

Good luck and HAPPY planning!

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BachataBride Wow...intense thread!! I can see both sides. Yes...you are being selfish...but also, you are hurting because you are not getting the support from your family that you need either. I have a question, are you really close with this aunt? Do you have a bond with her that you don't have with your other aunts?

No, i'm not anymore close with her than I am other aunts. I guess I had kinda put all my eggs in one basket with her. It's where all my hope was. Aside from my parents she's the only family I had who said they were coming - not even my own brother. My other aunt who was going to accompany her hadn't really made a big deal about the wedding and I only see her every 3 years or so. She isn't coming now because she has nobody to go with. So I guess by them not showing up I feel the disappointment of NOBODY caring enough to go. I know i'm lucky my parents are coming so I don't want to minimalize that... I just feel like nobody cares.

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandseth Sounds to me like your aunt is just using your cousins situation as an excuse. Likely, she has other reasons for not going, but doesn't want to disappoint you by making you feel like she can't make it a priority. So she has found an 'out' that doesn't place the responsibility directly on herself. People are often motivated by their emotions or lack thereof. And act in strange ways that can easily be misinterpreted or only seen for face value by those who fall victim to their actions. Recognize that you have no control over how others act/feel, but you do have control over how you accept/react to their actions/feelings. Sometimes you just have to step aside and choose not to be a part of someone's drama. I think this advice can be applied to your aunt as well as to the member who tore a strip off you earlier in the thread. As a human being you are entitled to feel. Your feelings are always valid, regardless of rationality. I think what you were looking for here was an outside perspective, not a chastizing. Focus on yourself, within this process, and not on how others are judging/dealing with it. You will have an amazing time, regardless. All that matters is that you and your groom get to the alter and say your vows. Everything else is just a story for the kids. Good luck and HAPPY planning!

You guys are so wonderul! Yes, I was looking for "remember your fiance is the only important person"
"there's nothing you can do so don't stress"
"you'll still have fun"
"sorry you don't feel like you matter"

I really truly appreciate all the people who understand it's a rough blow and that I need help refocusing on what really matters.

[*Heather*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandseth Recognize that you have no control over how others act/feel, but you do have control over how you accept/react to their actions/feelings. Sometimes you just have to step aside and choose not to be a part of someone's drama.

I like this a lot. I think we all experienced disappointment at one point or another while planning our weddings, and we should all take note of this. There will always be people who don't come that will surprise you, but you can't change or control that. You just have to roll with it, and focus on the people who ARE coming. That's the most important thing.

[nsbride2010]

I think that there might be some people who are being a bit too harsh, like one of the other girls said. This is your wedding day, and understandably you would like to share it with as many people as possible. With a DW, that can be hard, since everyone has reasons who they can't go (if they can't), and usually thats the end of it. But I see what you mean, the back and forth is whats confusing about it!

 

This is your wedding, and you are allowed to be a little bit selfish... its all about the bride, right? I honestly wouldn't stress out too much about it though, because if you were very important to her, she would be there. I'm not sure of all of the family dynamics so I am not really in a position to judge, but I don't know that if I was going through the same thing (re: me being on drugs) if my aunt would necessarily not go to another cousin's wedding over it. Again, this is my family... but it seems a little off to me, I see where you are coming from!

 

Regardless of WHO is there, your parents are going, and your FI is going (obviously... hehe) and those that are important to him are going. Everyone else at this point is just a bonus. I understand what you are saying about a supportive family, since my FI is not getting very much support from his family outside of his immediate family that is. Just keep your chin up and smile, your day will go on with or without them!

 

Heather makes a good point, maybe your aunt is just not feeling like going because she thinks it will reflect badly upon her? Whatever the case may be, it is her loss that she will not be sharing in your special day.

[BachataBride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJT1985 So I guess by them not showing up I feel the disappointment of NOBODY caring enough to go. I know i'm lucky my parents are coming so I don't want to minimalize that... I just feel like nobody cares.

Oh sweetie...I've been there! Trust me! It's not that people don't care about you...but sometimes other things take priority. And you have to remember that when it comes to a DW...a lot of people are idiots, and don't really comprehend that it's a "real" wedding!! On the flip side, you have to realize that when planning DW you are not going to get the support you would normally get and you have to roll with the punches. This will likely not be your last disappointment before the wedding. And I know I'm one of those "all ready married" people but that's why we are still around - to help out the brides to be get through these hurdles. Sometimes you will get comments you don't like...but for the most part, you will get comments that help you get through...and that's what BDW is all about! Good luck with the rest of your planning!

[nsbride2010]

Manders you rock!! Your way to support us brides-to-be is something to be admired and learned from.... you da best

[KJT1985]

nsbride2010 - you're so sweet. Thank you for understanding.

 

BachataBride - you're right. I can't take it so personally and think they don't care. It might be more of a struggle for them than it seems.

 

I absolutely can't say thank you enough to the wonderful ladies of BDW. A million times over, you are the best!

[~Nicole~]

Yup! I completely agree with Amanda! Although we try to brace ourselves for disappointment, its still really hard to swallow when it happens to us. But like she said, that's why the already married people stick around! Because we went through all that worrying and stress and we came out of it saying "i had the best time of my life". I was devastated when I only had 7 people book to come to my wedding. None included any parents, only my brother, sister and a few close friends. But I can assure you this - you won't miss anyone that isn't there. I swear to GOD you won't. And I know that its easy for me to say that, but I really was a wreck before the wedding. Luckily I have made some amazing friendships on BDW and they got me through it . You're entitled to have bad days and that's why we're here.

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Nicole~ Yup! I completely agree with Amanda! Although we try to brace ourselves for disappointment, its still really hard to swallow when it happens to us. But like she said, that's why the already married people stick around! Because we went through all that worrying and stress and we came out of it saying "i had the best time of my life". I was devastated when I only had 7 people book to come to my wedding. None included any parents, only my brother, sister and a few close friends. But I can assure you this - you won't miss anyone that isn't there. I swear to GOD you won't. And I know that its easy for me to say that, but I really was a wreck before the wedding. Luckily I have made some amazing friendships on BDW and they got me through it . You're entitled to have bad days and that's why we're here.

Aww. Thank you. I'm glad you're wedding was spectacular. You look beautiful in your siggy! And thanks. For the most part I'm just ready to go and excited no matter what but every now and then a bad day rears its head!