Stupid family. I don't want it to bother me but it does.

[KJT1985]

I knew when we chose a destination wedding that a lot of people wouldn't be able to make it. It was something we acknowledged and accepted. Generally it doesn't bother me. Only when I hear excuses or people complaining because we're not making it convenient for them.

 

My cousin has been having some issue with drugs and his mental state for about a year. My uncle told me this last summer that they didn't think they could go to the wedding because they didn't know what would be going on with my cousin or my grandma (who was in an assisted living place at the time and who my uncle visited every day). Ok, that's understandable and I counted them out. My dads two sisters said they were planning on going but not their families. For some reason they wanted to wait until my parents booked before they did. My one aunt laid the guilt trip on heavily because I'm the first grandkid to get married. Ends up, my grandma passed away a month and a half ago.

 

So now my parents have booked. My mom got a call from my dads one sister saying that they don't think they can leave because of what's going on with my cousin (in and out of the ER this past week because of drugs). His dad is having a really hard time of it and isn't the most mentally stable person himself. While I feel terrible for the family and am concerned about both my cousin and uncle it really pisses me off. First, that my aunt (who's not my cousins mother) would make such a big deal about me being the first kid to get married, would lay the guilt trip on me, and then can't take 4 days vacation for me because my uncle isn't handling things well and my cousin has fucked up yet again?! I'm mad at my cousin for being so stupid and selfish to think that his actions don't affect other people.

 

Don't they give a shit about me at all? Do I have to become a drug addict or mentally unstable to get some attention? It sucks so much that my grandma passed away and I don't even get the chance to have a picture with her in my wedding dress when we get home. Now all the family is bailing because my cousin is a dumbass. I guess part of my problem is also that my fiance's family has been SO supportive and excited. I have not heard a single negative thing from his side. Either they're all ecstatic and ready to go today or they just say they can't come - not this stupid excuses back and forth crap.

 

The whole deal with my cousin isn't THAT serious either. Everybody knows he's a huge pothead and he's now on lithium for his mental health. He's been in rehab and every few months he ends up in the ER because he's gone a little kooky. I just can't believe that we're two months out and they think its too far in advance to book with what's going on with him. I also know that IF they finally decide to go and book a month ahead of time i'll never hear the end of how expensive it was. The resort isn't that big either so there's a good chance that it'll get filled this time of year. How can be people be so selfish?! I say that and I feel like i'm the one being selfish right now... :-(

[stacey]

Ok I am going to be blunt. First you knew that by having a DW some people would not be able to make it. Second, you cousin is clearly going through a hard time. Can you imagine the finacial, and mental strain this is putting on his parents. How do you think his parents would feel if they left him home to go to your wedding and something bad happend to him. Say, maybe an overdose?

 

Do you really think that they want to stay home and baby him? I highly doubt it. I think that you are being selfish by throwing a fit that they are not spending money to leave the country for several days, when their son is in need of help. How would you feel if he died of an over dose while they were gone? Think about it.

[KJT1985]

It's not his parents. They told me this summer they couldn't go and that's fine - TOTALLY understandable. Its our other aunt - my cousins AUNT. I thought I made that clear. But thanks for making me feel even worse.

[KJT1985]

Also, you can't OD on pot. Which is the only drug we KNOW he's taking. I know this doesn't mean he's not taking others. He was managing to hold a job, pay rent and all until he ended up in the ER this week. I would NEVER be so selfish as to think he could be left completely alone and I matter more.

[stacey]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJT1985 It's not his parents. They told me this summer they couldn't go and that's fine - TOTALLY understandable. Its our other aunt - my cousins AUNT. I thought I made that clear. But thanks for making me feel even worse.

Your welcome!! You sound like a spoiled brat. Grow up. K. Thanks

[KJT1985]

Wow. Just, wow.

[barcelo1162010]

You can't control who comes or not; just make the best of it with who is there. If you are having an AHR just tell the people that can't/don't want to make it that you will be having an AHR to celebrate with them when you get back. It's the best you can do!

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by barcelo1162010 You can't control who comes or not; just make the best of it with who is there. If you are having an AHR just tell the people that can't/don't want to make it that you will be having an AHR to celebrate with them when you get back. It's the best you can do!

THANK YOU. Yes, we'll be having a reception afterwards. We also moved out of state away from all my family back in the summer so I was looking forward to getting to spend more than just an evening with them. I guess I just really don't like the back and forth and don't understand why my aunt needs to stay in town for her nephew. It's two months away and I just don't think you can live your life on IFs. She does live in the same town as my cousins parents (my cousin lives an hour away) but they aren't super close in that they don't even see each other once a week or anything.

[bholthof]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJT1985 Also, you can't OD on pot. .

No, you can't OD on pot - at least not like you can OD on other drugs.

However, these days most pot is laced with other, harder drugs - hence why pot is called a gateway drug. And even though pot is a "naturally grown substance" rather than a chemical, its not exactly safe, either. Leaving aside the fact that it is a drug, the levels of THC(?) in pot are worse than those of cigarettes, which causes other problems.

It sounds to me that your cousin and his parents are absolutely right about not wanting to make a decision right now. Your other aunt, on the other hand, very well could be just waffling. Although, if it was HER mother that just died recently - she may just not feel up to going.

We are also currently experiencing some issues with family members. It totally sucks, but at the end of the day, if they aren't going to be there, then they aren't going to be there. But these are immediate family member in my case - brothers and parents. I don't expect ANY of my aunts and uncles to go.

Take a breath - even if it was just you and your FI, it would still be a great day, right??

[boscobel]

I don't know, I think it's a bit of an overreaction. I know I was super disappointed when people didn't come to JA for my wedding too, so I understand it. But I can tell you that we had our immediate family (parents and siblings) along with a few aunts/cousins and a few friends to total 25 people and it was PERFECT. Whoever is missing once youa re there, won't be missed.

 

But the part that confuses me is how you are saying that everyone else is being selfish, but you can't see your own selfishness. And I'm not even trying to be mean, since I was the same way planning my wedding. I coudln't understand why my wedding wasn't everyone else priority. But I don't understand how you can be mad at your cousin. He obviously has a problem and having his family support him is HUGE. My brother wasn't able to come to JA for my wedding b/c of similar issues and we def missed him, but we are just so happy to have him back to normal. It was worth him missing my wedding to have him straighten his life out.

 

But by the same token that you say, you don't understand why your aunt would miss your wedding for your cousin, you can flip that coin and say why would you aunt not be there to support your cousin for your wedding? Having family support is important to BOTH. But sometimes as an addict, it's only the visible support that you can see. So maybe having his family with him is very important at this time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJT1985 THANK YOU. Yes, we'll be having a reception afterwards. We also moved out of state away from all my family back in the summer so I was looking forward to getting to spend more than just an evening with them. I guess I just really don't like the back and forth and don't understand why my aunt needs to stay in town for her nephew. It's two months away and I just don't think you can live your life on IFs. She does live in the same town as my cousins parents (my cousin lives an hour away) but they aren't super close in that they don't even see each other once a week or anything.