How to deal when girlfriends becoming pregnant and can't come to my wedding!

[stacey]

Nicely said Alyssa.

Why would you think that people would put off their lives for your one day?

[Mrs. Martin]

I just have to say that reading Alyssa's post completely cracked me up because it was exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the rest of these posts.

 

When I was planning my wedding, my two closest cousins were not able to make it because they had just had babies and my best friend couldn't make it because she was pregnant. NEVER ONCE did I question the fact that they couldn't come, I completely understood. I knew my wedding wasn't going to be less special because they were absent. Guess what, I had a great time and moved on.

 

It amazes me how many threads there actually are on this topic! We've all been through the planning part where we sometimes feel like our wedding is the most important event in the world. Well it's not to others and it's important to be respectful of that because starting a family is 100 times more important than a wedding.

 

BTW- For those of you who don't understand this will do so when you have a baby because EVERYTHING changes.

[rodent]

When I'm ready to try to conceive I'm not postponing it for anyone. It can take a long time. I'd never want a friend to wait on the count of my wedding & then have difficulties getting pregnant after. Sure, it may have been just as hard before, but there is always that feeling of "what if we just tried last year."

 

A really good friend of mine got pregnant 6 months before my wedding. I was thrilled. Sure, I missed her being there, but I LOVE her little girl. It doesn't take a big group to make a DW fun. I just had more time to spend with the people who did make it.

[Alyssa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Martin I just have to say that reading Alyssa's post completely cracked me up because it was exactly what I was thinking as I was reading the rest of these posts. When I was planning my wedding, my two closest cousins were not able to make it because they had just had babies and my best friend couldn't make it because she was pregnant. NEVER ONCE did I question the fact that they couldn't come, I completely understood. I knew my wedding wasn't going to be less special because they were absent. Guess what, I had a great time and moved on. It amazes me how many threads there actually are on this topic! We've all been through the planning part where we sometimes feel like our wedding is the most important event in the world. Well it's not to others and it's important to be respectful of that because starting a family is 100 times more important than a wedding. BTW- For those of you who don't understand this will do so when you have a baby because EVERYTHING changes.

Matthew is SO CUTE!!!! damn he is getting big!

[Ana]

Well said Alyssa. One of my best friends got pregnant and delivered about a month and a half before my wedding. She really wanted to come, and was even thinking to leave the baby with her mom for the week (CRAZY!!) When we talked about it though, it just didn't make sense. A wedding is important, but a baby is the ULTIMATE ACCOMPLISHMENT! You want to be there and spend every second with that little life, and your baby becomes your #1 priority. I think you should be super excited for your friends and family, because having a baby and getting pregnant is truly a miracle.

[vdaybride]

You received some GREAT advice! I hope that helped you because it sure helped me not post something that you would find offensive. I mean, the world does not stop because you chose to have a DW. Enjoy the guests that can make the wedding and consider it an honor that anyone shows up. Everyone is using the "economy" as an "excuse" so be happy for them that they have the opportunity to bring life into the world. For some people reproducing is not even an option. How selfish.. when you grow up, you will see that you are not looking at the grand scheme of things.

[TATrisha]

As a mom with a four month old, i can understand why people wouldn't want to bring their baby with. Sure, for some people it's no big deal. But for people who stress out about traveling in the first place, and then to have to bring a baby! Oh good heavens!

For instance, my situation. I LOVE traveling. However, I'd think twice about taking my baby some where right now for many reasons. 1. she is formula fed. I would NEVER feed my baby water from a resort. Which means I'd have to buy a million bottles of water after I went through security and basically bring a suitcase of just water bottles. Yeah, that'd be fun. Not to mention having to pack 10 diapers per day, at least a can of formula and all her other crap.

2. she sleeps in a swing if at all. Yeah, I can't very well take my swing on vacation. So now what? We don't sleep? you listen to a baby scream bloody murder for a week? Gotta love over tired babies.

3. money. Do you know how much daycare is? I could afford to go on vacation every single month if I didn't pay daycare (which leads me to the question of why wasn't I doing that in the first place) let alone all of her other crazy bills.

4. Time off. I got 6 weeks paid. Many places don't even get that. I also used up a lot of my vacation time. So taking more time off isn't really an option.

5. Illnesses. I think we all know what i"m talking about.

6. Leaving a baby at home is hard. I have photographed destination weddings after I had my daughter. It is extremely hard to leave her at home, and that's when I know she's with her daddy. But to leave her alone with someone else just for fun, would seriously break my heart. I never thought I'd say that, by the way. Your life truly does change when you have a kid.

 

Anyway, I'm sure I could go on and on and on. But I think you just need to have a little empathy for people who have just had a kid or will be having a kid. And talk to AnnR. She gave birth in California to the very premature Gwen. Even though it might be "safe" for travel, life is unexpected.

 

For the OP... how to deal... I would buy them a lovely gift and think of them while you are at your wedding having the time of your life.

[LCBride2007]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tlseege And talk to AnnR. She gave birth in California to the very premature Gwen. Even though it might be "safe" for travel, life is unexpected.

I wasn't going to respond, but I was called out! lol Yes, my doctor gave me the "ok" to travel up to 34 weeks. So I was in CA (I live in MN) at week 31. Well, Gwen was ready to show up regardless of where I was! So I gave birth where I was ... in CA! And now I am in England pregnant with #2 ... you can bet I won't be traveling anywhere after a few months! lol I will be getting a 1 way ticket home and staying put!

Trisha does bring up some good points that you dont' think about before having a child. I skipped out on our friends' DW because of Gwen, and she was about a year old. Paul went, but I stayed home with Gwen.

The main reason I stayed home is because it wouldn't have been a very relaxing vacation for me/us.

- I was still breastfeeding, so there's that (having to nurse in a bikini? eh, no thanks), and limited drinking.
- I CANNOT sleep in the same room as her so that would mean dropping lots of $$ on a 1/2 BR suite or something.
- She still naps and goes to bed early, so one of us would be spending lots of time in the hotel room.
- And what is there for a toddler to do in Mexico? Not a whole lot - so we'd have to be speding our days entertaining her and making sure she doesn't fall into the pool/ocean!

Those are just a few reasons that I chose not to go.

[bholthof]

Ok, ok.. I'm sorry, jeepers, I didn't mean that people who have infants should ALWAYS opt to come to the wedding!! What I said was I don't understand why almost all the threads dealing with infants are "OMG, my girlfriend is preggers, she can't go." Because being pregnant or having a young child doesn't stop you from attending.

 

Again, as I said in my previous post - I do understand that being due close to the wedding date, or just recently having a child would cause people to not attend. Obviously, the stress of a new baby would be difficult.

And of course there is a chance that the child could be sickly - these are extenuating circumstances that obviously affect the infants ability to travel.

 

I was just saying that the threat of people becoming pregnant or choosing a wedding date when you KNOW there is a risk of people not being able to go because of an infant and then expecting that they won't go.

If my friends became pregnant, I wouldn't be saying "OMG my friends are pregnant, they can't go!" but I would be saying "YAY!! My friend is pregnant, I really hope that they still decide that going is possible, but I understand that this makes it a harder decision for them!"

 

Its just not the End of the World (or at least your perfect wedding guest list) if people become pregnant of have infants.

 

I think that if you talk to them and let them know you still WANT them there, but if its not medically or financially possible due to the baby event, then you'll miss them but you understand.

 

But its not the end of the world, and if they can afford it, and if they can medically and responsibly make it there, then yeah, I would still hope they came, and brought the baby.

But we hope that everyone we invite can come - regardless of personal situation. Babies are not a deal breaker.

But I'm sorry some of you were offended by the post.

[Sheree10]

Babies are everywhere! I have three of my guests who had/ will have babies this year and are thinking about coming to my wedding. I guess their grandparents will be taking care of the little ones.