breakup or forgive & not forget

[Melidell]

I am so sorry for everything that you're going through. I guess my only advice is to put the wedding/ wedding guests out of your mind for a few days and think about what is best for you (I know that's easier to say than to do). Same thing goes for how upset his family are- remember that that is his fault right now, not yours. Don't let the pressure of the wedding make the decision for you. I think in a case like this if you need to call it off people will understand.

 

I don't know if anyone else addressed this, but aside from the gambling the thing that jumped out at me was how he lied to his parents as well. They gave him that money in good faith to use for the wedding and 5k is not a small amount (not to me anyway). That was a lovely gesture on their part and he really disrespected them by doing what he did, as well as you. Assuming that this is out of character for him I think he may have a bigger problem with gambling than you'd realized.

 

All the best and once again I'm so sorry.

[vlynnw]

Wow that's tough. I would be very upset if my FI was hiding a 5k debt from me and used money that was given to "us" for our wedding to pay it off. I do however agree with Sammysgirl and that he probably was ashamed of this and this is why he did not want to tell you or anyone else about it. I don't think you should make any rash decisions right now, but try to find some understanding in this situation. If he does have a serious gambling problem then that is something he needs to find help for, especially because that ultimately effects you and your relationship.

[karenk77]

he did have the problem and from what I understand he no longer does, this was from a while ago..not that by any means i am making excuses or justifications because i am not but he swore over and over again that the fantasy football stuff is over..this was just from the past & again not that it makes it ok, or that if you have the tendency it cant reappear at any time...but in regards to this instance it was from a long time ago.

[CristiandJamie]

Karenk77, I'm sorry to hear about your situation and hope everything works out. The best advice I could give you is to analysis the events. Also how long have you been together? Has he kept something from you before? As for the gambling debt, you mentioned that this was in the past, how long ago did this happen? Sorry if I missed that post if you mention that timeline.

 

Dont rush on making any decisions but do think about the situation. This could be a glimpse of how things could be like in your future (especially if he has a gambling problem). This could be a blessing in disguise but if you think this is just a one time deal then I would say forgive and forget! I know it's easier said than done...

 

Sorry if my response goes back and forth but I really dont know your complete situation. Trust your gut!

[karenk77]

lol dont be sorry at all..

been together for 3 & a half yrs..live together for one..both in our early 30's..when he was younger he gambled on sports..when we got together i said ill never be with him if he ever does that..he would tell me when he did it at a work pool or whatever and id get mad but he was telling me so i appreciated that..i have a strong personality with strong convictions and so what alot of people tolerate i dont (not saying with this, really with anything) other then this issue we have a great relationship, but when it comes to things he knows i dont approve of which is really only this he doesnt want to hear my mouth.

soo..with this situation he was paying off the guy he knew from before and thought hed paid it off & finished with that part without me knowing and start fresh which obviously didnt happen, there was still 3500 that was owed and since finding out this this week ive basically done all but hung him on a jury to tell me whats going on..and he swore that this was the last of it and it was from the past. im just pissed why i didnt know and so i dont want to believe him when he says its the end because i didnt know this was still owed..and thats where im at. he swears this will never happen again but who reallyknows if it will or wont and i dont want to put myself in a situation where it can...on the flip side hes an amazing guy with a heart of gold and just immature..ugh i dont know lol

[CristiandJamie]

Well no relationship is perfect and there is times when my FI wont tell me things (not big though) but it bothers me at times. You and your FI sounds like my relationship (we are in our early 30's and have been together for 3 1/2 years). If you had only known him for a short period of time I would say be cautious but since you've been with him for a while and should know him pretty good I would just say go with your gut. It sounds like your relationship is strong enough to by pass this issue. Also we all know that men mature later than us! :-)

[*Linds*]

any progress Karen?

[Jennybell1]

It sounds to me like you know what you are going to do, your just waiting to make sure your making the right decision.......Just remember that you always need to take care of #1 first. With whatever decision you make, you have to own that decision and let it go. If you stay you have to put it behind you and you cant bring it up again as it will drive you crazy, you will have to allow yourself to trust him....and if you choose to end things then again you have to let it go and not wonder ...what if?? Your in a really tough situation....I really hope your okay and wish you luck in whatever decision you make.....good luck!

[KarenM]

Just wanted to check in to see how you're doing...

[karenk77]

Thanks so much for all of your support..no progress at all..hes trying to make an effort to do things together and im just keeping to myself driving myself nuts with confusion as to what to do..had a huge presentation due for class today i woke up so stressed out i dont know how i got out of bed

but i better decide soon before i ruin not only my life