Guest assumes they can bring someone

[classadiva]

I knew that this would likely be a problem but it does not make it any easier to deal with. What do you do with your single friends whom are not in a relationship? We only invited close friends and family and that meant that many people whom we are friendly with or family members that are not as close to us were not invited. I feel that rather than allow our single friends to bring someone whom we do not know or care about, we could have invited someone we know or a distant family member. Also...how do we explain these folks to our family whom we told could not extend invites to certain family members.

 

On the other hand, its not the fault of our single friends as the way the on-line RSVP is set up, it provides no limitations on the number of people that they can RSVP for. I feel soooo bad. I assumed that most would share a room with each other....some are...some have asked to bring people. I've already told some the situation and they are fine flying solo...at the very least...they understand. Its the folks whom RSVP on-line and whom do not know the situation whom are a problem...we've already had unexpected RSVP's of uninvited add-ons....from folks of their grown children!!!

 

WHAT to do?

[jennifer769405]

I am having the same issue. Some of my fiances aunts and uncles have rsvp'd via our website with a guest that we have never even met, while in the meantime we did not extend the invitation to other family and friends that we would have liked to be there just to try and keep the numbers down. Here I thought the destination wedding would less stressful! Ha!

[*Nadine*]

Everyone we invited to the wedding we invited with a guest, regardless if they are in a relationship or not. IF they are travelling all the way to a destination wedding and spending that much money I think its only fair they can bring a guest if they want. If you REALLY dont want people you dont know at your wedding then just tell them not to come to the actual wedding, its one day of 7 that they will probably be there.

[meldal101010]

I am wondering how to deal with that situation as well. It is mostly from my FIs side and his friends as all my friends & family are coming single or with other family that has been invited.

 

I think i'm just going to get my FI to have a chat with them & let them know we are only inviting nearest & dearest to us...hopefully they aren't to choked & if they are...well maybe they can pay the extra $70-90 per person for the wedding & reception...

[sofylina]

We wanted to keep the list small enough...(we are not at 54 booked, lol) and that meant:

Not inviting people from work, not inviting extended familly (ie cousins we dont see usualy), not inviting friends we dont socialize with often.

So the singles that are invited got an rsvp that did not allow to put a number of attending, but rather a line that said "I will be there or I won't"

With this, there was only one "touchy" situation, where my FI had to tell a friend that we were not able to have unknown +1s as we had to keep # down, skipping on some familly as well.

It can be a touchy situation, but if it is what you want, voice it, tell them what YOU want!

[TammyWright]

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Nadine* Everyone we invited to the wedding we invited with a guest, regardless if they are in a relationship or not. IF they are travelling all the way to a destination wedding and spending that much money I think its only fair they can bring a guest if they want. If you REALLY dont want people you dont know at your wedding then just tell them not to come to the actual wedding, its one day of 7 that they will probably be there.

i agree with nadine...i would never expect someone to travel on their own if they did not want to. of course it is your wedding BUT don't be too disappointed if people do not come because they can't bring anyone.

i know if i was invited out of the country for a wedding, i would sure as heck want to bring someone.

[trobin01]

I agree with Nadine and Tammy. Everyone is invited with a guest, although I too want to keep the numbers small. I think traveling is more fun with someone you're close to, plus it will make the guests more independent before and after the wedding day.

 

Perhaps the guests can come to the party afterward even if they don't come to the plated dinner or something. There must be some compromise out there.

 

Just my thoughts on this!

[classadiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tammy Host i agree with nadine...i would never expect someone to travel on their own if they did not want to. of course it is your wedding BUT don't be too disappointed if people do not come because they can't bring anyone. i know if i was invited out of the country for a wedding, i would sure as heck want to bring someone.

Definitely a good point. In my case, each single invited knows very well many other guests. We are friendly through a particular circle like college days, the single girl circuit (LOL), sorority, etc. I don't have any singles coming that is not good friends with at least a few people that are invited. if someone was in the position of not knowing anyone...I would extend the extra invite.

There was no way that I could invite these folks with a plus one while not inviting actual friends of ours and other family members. It would be cost prohibitive and IMHO...not right.. They mean the world to me and I want them to be there...so...tough choices had to be made. Now...if they are in a relationship...they can bring the man/woman whom they are involved with...otherwise...I just can't see paying as much as I am paying per guest over the course of three days for people to come that we do not know while ommitting people whom we actually know.

Luckily for me...the two people whom I have actually spoke to about this understand and still say that they will be there no matter what. As for the folks and their grown children invites...I think I will leave that to the FI to deal with!!

I definitely have to find invites that make it clearer just whom has been invited.

Thanks all for the words and suggestions....this is not easy. I feel really bad all the way around.

[lalanyc]

I've been thinking about this a lot as well and I agree w/ not wanting to spend this special vacation with total strangers.

 

I am planning on approaching it the following way:

 

1. If those single friends are part of a bigger group, I want to be sure there are other single friends they can pair up with (i.e., for sharing rooms or whatever) so that at minimum, they can split the costs (since paying for a room on your own is expensive!!) and so they can have a room companion.

 

2. We will call those single people before sending the official invitation to explain the situation and make sure they are ok w/ pairing up w/ mutual friends. I think most will be since they are not in serious relationships but if they throw a stink, we'll have to consider if we want to make the exception.

 

3. If we invite singles who are NOT part of a bigger group or are part of a group w/ no other single friends, I think we may have to allow them a guest b/c I agree it's too hard to ask someone to come alone. I am going to try my best to avoid this though - even if it means inviting a not-so-close friend to create a "singles" pair. I'd rather have that than a stranger, ya know?

[Kapabel]

We included RSVP cars in the invitation that said "We have reserved X number of seats for you". for the singles who know people there/are part of a group we put a 1, for couples or people who were traveling alone (actually just one) we put a "2".

 

I wouldn't have done this had I not known that some of these people were likely to invite everyone and their grandmother to join the festivities...