Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

[calgarybride2015]

@@kmk2016 - Thank you for saying that. I think the reality is my family does not like inconvenience. From the moment that she found out it would be in Mexico she was against attending. I know of another destination wedding where the bride's wheelchair bound grandmother attended. Even my aunt/godmother will most likely not attend (who is perfectly healthy). At least there will still be a city hall legal part that I'm having her attend - and this I rearranged for her benefit. We wanted to quietly get legally married before Mexico but decided to do it after Mexico (and where another white dress) for my grandmother's benefit although she still isn't really pleased. Guess I should really just stop trying to please everyone!

 

You nailed it there - you need to stop trying to please everyone.

Trust me, YOU CAN'T!!!!!  (In the beginning when I was doing more of that - I would run in the direction of one suggestion only for that person to RSVP no anyways - grrrr - so I stopped that months back!)

 

I think you need to go with your heart on what you want for your wedding and accept that some people won't come for the stupidest of reasons, even people very close to you.    If they want to be there, they could go!    

Edited August 16, 2014 by calgarybride2015

[TinkerSofi]

I was really sad when I found out my grandma couldn't come. I would love for her to be there but she's coming from Argentina and the economic situation over there right now is precarious to say the least. She's afraid that with the dollar raising every day she won't be able to afford even the flight by the time the wedding comes around. I was sad but at the same time I completely understand and I wouldn't want her to go into major debt for just a week. 

 

An update on the guys who couldn't come due to "financial reasons". They have now convinced 2 other people to do the same  . They told my fiance that the hotel we choose (or, quoting them here "the hotel your girlfriend chose") is too "honeymoonish" and too expensive. They were under the impression that it would be around $1300 rather than $1700 (taxes included). Now most of my fiance's friends will be at another hotel. He says he doesn't care and he could always go visit them at their hotel a couple of days. I'm totally not cool with that because it is sort of our honeymoon and it totally misses the point of the whole trip if he's hanging out with his friends in one hotel and I'm with mine in another. If anything, I think they should suck it up and pay for a day pass at our hotel. I know I need to let go of the anger and resentment but it's hard. I tend to hold grudges much easier than my fiance haha, and that's not good at all. 

 

Anyway, on a positive note, our family, all my friends and our common friends are pretty much booked and excited to join us. It's been stressful following up with people and making sure everything is clear on how to book  (apparently no one reads all the info I put on the website, I even made it point form! hahaha) and just making sure no one misses the deadline but we're almost there! 

[calgarybride2015]

I was really sad when I found out my grandma couldn't come. I would love for her to be there but she's coming from Argentina and the economic situation over there right now is precarious to say the least. She's afraid that with the dollar raising every day she won't be able to afford even the flight by the time the wedding comes around. I was sad but at the same time I completely understand and I wouldn't want her to go into major debt for just a week.

 

An update on the guys who couldn't come due to "financial reasons". They have now convinced 2 other people to do the same . They told my fiance that the hotel we choose (or, quoting them here "the hotel your girlfriend chose") is too "honeymoonish" and too expensive. They were under the impression that it would be around $1300 rather than $1700 (taxes included). Now most of my fiance's friends will be at another hotel. He says he doesn't care and he could always go visit them at their hotel a couple of days. I'm totally not cool with that because it is sort of our honeymoon and it totally misses the point of the whole trip if he's hanging out with his friends in one hotel and I'm with mine in another. If anything, I think they should suck it up and pay for a day pass at our hotel. I know I need to let go of the anger and resentment but it's hard. I tend to hold grudges much easier than my fiance haha, and that's not good at all.

 

Anyway, on a positive note, our family, all my friends and our common friends are pretty much booked and excited to join us. It's been stressful following up with people and making sure everything is clear on how to book (apparently no one reads all the info I put on the website, I even made it point form! hahaha) and just making sure no one misses the deadline but we're almost there!

For me it's not so much that they booked elsewhere (ok maybe a little since they are the wedding party) but more they convinced others as well. This is your day not theirs. It seems a little selfish they did it for personal reasons when everyone is traveling for you. And as we said before if you factor in the day pass and transport it's not that much savings sigh!!! I wouldn't pay for a day pass to go to their resort. They chose to stay elsewhere that's their issue they can come to you. Hehe sorry I guess this bothers me a little!! Glad you guys are trying moving forward from it and the majority of the people booked with you. I would be curious to know what resort they chose!

Getting people to RSVP was stressful but after that deadline passes it goes away

 

 

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[TinkerSofi]

For me it's not so much that they booked elsewhere (ok maybe a little since they are the wedding party) but more they convinced others as well. This is your day not theirs. It seems a little selfish they did it for personal reasons when everyone is traveling for you. And as we said before if you factor in the day pass and transport it's not that much savings sigh!!! I wouldn't pay for a day pass to go to their resort. They chose to stay elsewhere that's their issue they can come to you. Hehe sorry I guess this bothers me a little!! Glad you guys are trying moving forward from it and the majority of the people booked with you. I would be curious to know what resort they chose!

Getting people to RSVP was stressful but after that deadline passes it goes away

 

 

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I agree, at least I would go to whatever hotel the couple chose, unless I really couldn't afford it. It might not be my cup of tea, but they chose it and it's their wedding, it's not about me. They also really bugged us for months for us to let them bring a plus one, despite the fact that they're so unstable with their girlfriends, and that really upsets me because we made the effort for them and they're still doing whatever they want. Ugh people are so out of place sometimes and they are really clueless. 

[tygrrlily]

@@TinkerSofi - I would be SO angry if my FI's friends did that.  Isn't the point of a DW for everyone to be together?? The wedding day itself is of course important, but it's the whole week that will have memories

 

Have they booked yet? Is there any way you can convince them? It seems so foolish and selfish for what amounts to what - a couple hundred dollars. And they will have to pay for day passes anyway!!

 

Ugh - i hate people sometimes

 

Luckily we only have 1 person that has booked outside of our group/TA.  It's my sister, who jumped the gun and booked a 3 day flight and hotel on Expedia.  If she had just spoken to me, I would have paired her with someone else for a room and now we're stuck paying her day pass + event fee for 2 other days :S.

[TinkerSofi]

@@TinkerSofi - I would be SO angry if my FI's friends did that.  Isn't the point of a DW for everyone to be together?? The wedding day itself is of course important, but it's the whole week that will have memories

 

Have they booked yet? Is there any way you can convince them? It seems so foolish and selfish for what amounts to what - a couple hundred dollars. And they will have to pay for day passes anyway!!

 

Ugh - i hate people sometimes

 

Luckily we only have 1 person that has booked outside of our group/TA.  It's my sister, who jumped the gun and booked a 3 day flight and hotel on Expedia.  If she had just spoken to me, I would have paired her with someone else for a room and now we're stuck paying her day pass + event fee for 2 other days :S.

No, I don't think there's a chance to convince them. We tried but they keep saying that they want to pay around $1300 and that our resort is not what they're looking for. We tried to explain that it was tough to find a resort where we could have a private reception for so many people and we tried to choose out of those, the least expensive one. Unfortunately, for a budget of $1300, that means the hotel needs to be around $900 to be able to add the taxes that are almost $400. We couldn't find anything in that price range that met our requirements and that had a wedding department that was well established. They said they would probably wait a bit more to book. One of the 4 friends I actually know that he would have a tough time paying so i'm not upset about that. He's living on his own and going to school full time so it can be tough. 

 

I'm trying to find roommates for people as much as I can haha, the difference between the single and double booking is huge for our hotel! There's not a lot of singles in our guests and so far everything is working out

[KAT2015]

@@TinkerSofi - I would be SO angry if my FI's friends did that.  Isn't the point of a DW for everyone to be together?? The wedding day itself is of course important, but it's the whole week that will have memories

 

Have they booked yet? Is there any way you can convince them? It seems so foolish and selfish for what amounts to what - a couple hundred dollars. And they will have to pay for day passes anyway!!

 

Ugh - i hate people sometimes

 

Luckily we only have 1 person that has booked outside of our group/TA.  It's my sister, who jumped the gun and booked a 3 day flight and hotel on Expedia.  If she had just spoken to me, I would have paired her with someone else for a room and now we're stuck paying her day pass + event fee for 2 other days :S.

 

I'm battling this issue with my sister as well, because she is booking as a single.  

 

In the grand scheme of things, the only people I'm concerned about cost for is my immediate family - and only cause they aren't great at managing money.

 

I told my sister to give the $200 deposit to our TA and book as part of our group, because I may be able to help get her costs down to what everyone pays for a double, but I can't help her if she doesn't book this way.  If, by December, we can't help her, me and my FI will give her back the deposit that is not refundable.

 

The reason I want her to do this is because AMResorts has a deal where you book 5 rooms and get one for free.  I would love to help my mum on the costs for travel, but with another free room, I can give it to my sister and brother to share - if they don't want to share, they can split the discount on the savings and still book as singles. 

 

But if people don't book with our TA, I lose the ability to help others along.  

 

Our deposit date is Sept 5 (I only confirmed last Wednesday!) so I'm stressed and in a rush to get people to get their information in to our TA.  The good thing is our TA is just taking in the manifest information, then he will personally call people to get the deposit.  Which is perfect because then all my guests have to do is fill out a form and send it in.  

 

Once that is done, I'll have to start working on our guests from overseas - we can't help them with booking, so it will be pushing for RSVPs.  I'm hoping by January 31 we have all RSVPs in so I can have 3.5 months to finish planning.

[Lia33]

I'm hoping everyone will book through our TA as well! It will make things a little easier and as mentioned - easier to help out certain people. Much of my fiancé's relatives do not speak English and our TA is not bilingual. Hoping these relatives can have someone else close to them assist with booking. If not, my fiancé will take this on to be the liaison for them and the TA...should be fun. 

 

@@TinkerSofi - that must be incredibly frustrating! Hopefully it doesn't end up taking time away from you and your hubby when it comes to spending time with people at the resort :/

[TinkerSofi]

I'm hoping everyone will book through our TA as well! It will make things a little easier and as mentioned - easier to help out certain people. Much of my fiancé's relatives do not speak English and our TA is not bilingual. Hoping these relatives can have someone else close to them assist with booking. If not, my fiancé will take this on to be the liaison for them and the TA...should be fun. 

 

@@TinkerSofi - that must be incredibly frustrating! Hopefully it doesn't end up taking time away from you and your hubby when it comes to spending time with people at the resort :/

That's pretty stressful too. I put together an info package in Spanish for my family because they don't speak English but it is stressful to act as liaison as well. It turns out no one can afford to come now but it would have been fun haha.