Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

[DaynaBee]

Hey Tiger Lily,

 

Why can't you plan anything until they book? You can always source vendors, figure out decorations, go dress shopping, work on your invites. It's easier to find everything you want and then when you have final numbers it's just a click away.

[Peach]

Originally Posted by DaynaBee 

 

No one has been on this thread for a few months, but I just came across it and I'm glad. 

 

My biggest stress? The bridesmaids. I've never been particularly good with women. They usually like me, but women tend to not enjoy my upfront attitude. So at one point if I tell them they are acting selfish they get all conniving and end up become a classic frienime. Whereas men will either yell at you, maybe call you something and get over it, which I don't mind, or see your point. I certainly appreciate honesty so I've always enjoyed friendships with men more. Long story short, I don't have a lot of long term girlfriends. 

 

I know I can pick men for the bridal party but they also aren't the type who know how to plan anything or help with anything and I need help with this wedding. Soooo...women then?

 

So I picked my party, and now? My friend of 5 years has pretty much checked out of my life. It feels like she's only around for the wedding. She has been passed over for other wedding parties because she didn't live near her friends and this is her first shot, which I know she is very excited about. But I get the feeling she's excited about being in a wedding, not being in my wedding. 

 

My least favourite moments so far are that she missed 90% of our engagement party, showed up long enough to complain it wasn't close enough to her house and has tried to manipulate my stagette trip to Vegas to suit all of her needs (trying to rearrange the rooms, the plans, the seats on the flight, everything)

 

I try talking to her and she is dismissive and defensive, a terrible combination. At this point, with a trip to Vegas coming up and her deposit down on the wedding, I feel like I'm between a rock and an uncaring place. 

 

I could be over reacting, but I feel like I'm stuck with someone who just doesn't care. 

 

I can understand what you are saying about not having a lot of choice with bridal party; I am the same way. Both FI and I have small circles of friends that we do a fair amount of stuff with, but I certainly do not have a long list of girlfriends... At this point, I am unsure even if any of them are coming to the wedding, due to finances and such. And, like you, what I wanted for my stagette is being completely changed by my only girlfriend involved in planning. However, she is planning it, and I know she is trying to please people, and it would be more convenient for her, so I am not making a fuss. It is for me, and I will choose to have an amazing attitude no matter what we do, and that will make it a great time. Even if there are only 3 of us there! Hahaha!

 

But it sounds like you have friends you can do things with, and at least your friend is making an effort, selfish though it may be. I think you just need to be as polite but straightforward as possible when you talk to her, and then just choose to let it go and have an amazing time regardless. However, if you are planning it, or if she is causing drama with other friends, then you need to speak up more.

 

Hope that helps. Just my opinion of course, and really, what do I know?

[cherany]

My biggest stress so far is the venue! We booked our stay at El Taj a year in advance, enough rooms for us & our bridal parties. (Decided other guests could book later on their own, either at that hotel or another of their choosing.) The hotel knew we were planning a wedding there, and they told us our reservation was set. Nothing to worry about until closer to the date, when we'd start choosing our menu and other details. We felt great about everything. Fast forward to now, 6 months away. I get back in touch with the hotel to start working out the details, and I'm re-routed to the in-house wedding planner, a position that did not exist when we booked. She informs me we do not, in fact, have a reservation for a wedding or reception, only for the rooms we booked. Scary as that sounds, it seemed fixable, since their event calendar is empty that day. However, it quickly became clear to us that things were a mess. There are now many rules we need to contend with, such as no ceremonies allowed before 6:30 pm (not enough time for a daylight ceremony and sunset portraits), no ipod receptions allowed, DIY decor either seriously frowned upon or not allowed, a minimum # of rooms booked before they will even let us reserve the restaurant, and more. Despite the fact that we booked before all of this, they are not budging on anything. With some of these rules being deal-breakers for us, we now have to find another venue for our ceremony & reception. We really do not want to move hotels, having already fallen in love with this one, showed it to our bridal parties for them to get excited over, and so on, which means we are looking for a venue not exclusive to a resort. Stressful! Thankfully, we are now in touch with a flexible planner, Leanne Marie, who is listening to what we want, rather than telling us how it has to be, and she's working to get us back on track. The staff at del Sol Photography (the first thing we booked after deciding on a destination wedding, something we pat ourselves on the back for more each day!) has been incredibly helpful, working with Leanne to find creative solutions and make sure our day is beautiful and goes smoothly. Without them, I would be going crazy at this point! I never envisioned myself a stressed-out bride, since we wanted a relaxed day from the beginning, but here I am. While I do feel everything will fall into place, right now I don't know what it will look like and how far from our initial vision it will be. It's very nerve-racking. Second-biggest stress is a bridesmaid not being able to make it to the wedding, a really craptastic experience. While it seems like a dot in the sky compared to the situation with the venue, I know the wedding location will eventually be sorted out, and we'll be able to enjoy our day. Not having a dear friend there is something I'll always have regrets about, regardless of the fact that there's nothing I can do to change it.

[futuremrswarner]

I think for me, the biggest stressor is having guests make their deposits and reservations. I feel like it's really hard to plan the rest of the wedding after the resort has been chosen without knowing the number of people attending, and afraid that if they delay too long, that the resort is full. 

[Peach]

Originally Posted by cherany 

 

My biggest stress so far is the venue! We booked our stay at El Taj a year in advance, enough rooms for us & our bridal parties. (Decided other guests could book later on their own, either at that hotel or another of their choosing.) The hotel knew we were planning a wedding there, and they told us our reservation was set. Nothing to worry about until closer to the date, when we'd start choosing our menu and other details. We felt great about everything.

Fast forward to now, 6 months away. I get back in touch with the hotel to start working out the details, and I'm re-routed to the in-house wedding planner, a position that did not exist when we booked. She informs me we do not, in fact, have a reservation for a wedding or reception, only for the rooms we booked. Scary as that sounds, it seemed fixable, since their event calendar is empty that day. However, it quickly became clear to us that things were a mess.

There are now many rules we need to contend with, such as no ceremonies allowed before 6:30 pm (not enough time for a daylight ceremony and sunset portraits), no ipod receptions allowed, DIY decor either seriously frowned upon or not allowed, a minimum # of rooms booked before they will even let us reserve the restaurant, and more. Despite the fact that we booked before all of this, they are not budging on anything. With some of these rules being deal-breakers for us, we now have to find another venue for our ceremony & reception. We really do not want to move hotels, having already fallen in love with this one, showed it to our bridal parties for them to get excited over, and so on, which means we are looking for a venue not exclusive to a resort. Stressful!

Thankfully, we are now in touch with a flexible planner, Leanne Marie, who is listening to what we want, rather than telling us how it has to be, and she's working to get us back on track. The staff at del Sol Photography (the first thing we booked after deciding on a destination wedding, something we pat ourselves on the back for more each day!) has been incredibly helpful, working with Leanne to find creative solutions and make sure our day is beautiful and goes smoothly. Without them, I would be going crazy at this point!

I never envisioned myself a stressed-out bride, since we wanted a relaxed day from the beginning, but here I am. While I do feel everything will fall into place, right now I don't know what it will look like and how far from our initial vision it will be. It's very nerve-racking.

Second-biggest stress is a bridesmaid not being able to make it to the wedding, a really craptastic experience. While it seems like a dot in the sky compared to the situation with the venue, I know the wedding location will eventually be sorted out, and we'll be able to enjoy our day. Not having a dear friend there is something I'll always have regrets about, regardless of the fact that there's nothing I can do to change it.

 

Wow, that would be so extremely stressful with the venue! What a great, "everything will work out" attitude! It will, and I am glad you are able to get "back on track", 

 

I, too, will likely not have a bridesmaid be able to come. Our venue is switching to adults-only 2 weeks before we get there. My MOH is 17 and my BM is an adult.... but will have a 6 month old. We have permission to have my sister there, but the baby will not be able to come. So it looks like neither will my BM. 

 

I cannot imagine the stress that you must be going through trying to find a new location. I am sure you will be able to (and congrats on great photographers!). The resort sounds really unreasonable for weddings. Hope you have better luck staying there! Good luck!

[Branya2012]

Your venue is switching to adults only two weeks before you get there? That's crazy that they can do that!!!

 

Originally Posted by Peach 

 

Wow, that would be so extremely stressful with the venue! What a great, "everything will work out" attitude! It will, and I am glad you are able to get "back on track", 

 

I, too, will likely not have a bridesmaid be able to come. Our venue is switching to adults-only 2 weeks before we get there. My MOH is 17 and my BM is an adult.... but will have a 6 month old. We have permission to have my sister there, but the baby will not be able to come. So it looks like neither will my BM. 

 

I cannot imagine the stress that you must be going through trying to find a new location. I am sure you will be able to (and congrats on great photographers!). The resort sounds really unreasonable for weddings. Hope you have better luck staying there! Good luck!

[Peach]

Originally Posted by Branya2012 

 

Your venue is switching to adults only two weeks before you get there? That's crazy that they can do that!!!

 

 

Sure they can.

They announced it over a month ago though, so they did give us notice.

[cherany]

Originally Posted by Peach 

 

 

Wow, that would be so extremely stressful with the venue! What a great, "everything will work out" attitude! It will, and I am glad you are able to get "back on track", 

 

I, too, will likely not have a bridesmaid be able to come. Our venue is switching to adults-only 2 weeks before we get there. My MOH is 17 and my BM is an adult.... but will have a 6 month old. We have permission to have my sister there, but the baby will not be able to come. So it looks like neither will my BM. 

 

I cannot imagine the stress that you must be going through trying to find a new location. I am sure you will be able to (and congrats on great photographers!). The resort sounds really unreasonable for weddings. Hope you have better luck staying there! Good luck!

 

Thanks!  I really do hope our stay goes smoothly. We would lose our very hefty deposit if we switched hotels, so we are staying.  The place does seem lovely, with the exception of all the rules surrounding weddings, so I can't knock it completely.  I just wouldn't recommend anyone consider it for their ceremony or reception.

 

That's really awful about the resort switching to adults-only on you!  Did you know before you booked the wedding?  One thing I'm finding super, super aggravating about wedding planning is having to deal with rules that change after a place has you locked in with non-refundable deposits. I would be so livid if a bridesmaid wasn't able to come over something like that!  Really sorry for you!

[Peach]

Originally Posted by cherany 

 

 

Thanks!  I really do hope our stay goes smoothly. We would lose our very hefty deposit if we switched hotels, so we are staying.  The place does seem lovely, with the exception of all the rules surrounding weddings, so I can't knock it completely.  I just wouldn't recommend anyone consider it for their ceremony or reception.

 

That's really awful about the resort switching to adults-only on you!  Did you know before you booked the wedding?  One thing I'm finding super, super aggravating about wedding planning is having to deal with rules that change after a place has you locked in with non-refundable deposits. I would be so livid if a bridesmaid wasn't able to come over something like that!  Really sorry for you!

 

No we certainly did not know. We booked over a year in advance... back last May. It was just announced this fall that the change would be taking place July 1.

 

Well, I was pretty stressed, but after my BM announced she was pregnant I was unsure as to whether she would be wanting to come anyway, and I know she would have, but I think she might have even been secretly pleased to being given an "out" like this. So I was disappointed, but she and I handled it very civilly, and it is better for her to focus on her impending new status as mother anyway. She is still helping out with pre-wedding activities, like the stagette and shower, and the AHR afterwards. And she is also thinking that, come July, she may want a vacation and to leave her little one with Grandma and Grandpa. I doubt that will happen, but it is a possibility.

 

So all in all, it is working out okay.

[TropicalBride10]

I think the biggest stress for my fiance and I has been trying to set a date. I'm currently a sophomore in college and unemployed and my fiance works in hospitality so he doesn't make all that much money and we're paying for the entire wedding ourselves. We've been engaged for two years and we're set on a destination wedding because all of his family lives in Puerto Rico and mine four states away so everyone has to fly anyway and it's WAY to expensive to get married in Miami, trust me we've tried. We have everything picked out except for the venue because we're really not sure what we'll be able to afford and I hate that my family is pressuring us to set a date when they know we don't have any money put back yet and they're not offering to help us at all. Plus we find venues that we fall completely in love with but have to live with the fact that we may never be able to afford it.