Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

[Jennkn87]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sehausle 
 

Need advice about my biggest pet peeve:

 

Two weeks before my big day one of my guests made a comment insinuating there was a possibility of her getting engaged during her stay at our destination wedding. While our wedding is not until Saturday, she is arriving Tuesday with her boyfriend, 2 days before most everyone else (including us) arrive. We have a small party of 21 including us and the majority know this guest so I know everyone would be at the very least congratulating her and what not. Am I a complete jerk that I don't want to share this trip with her? I am trying not to be bridezillaish but I was hurt when she threw how much she spent in my face and said that if she wanted to get engaged on her vacation that was up to her. Do you think I am in the wrong when I feel that this is just inappropriate?

I would definitely be ticked if something like that happened.It IS their vacation..that they are paying for...and who of us WOULDN'T have enjoyed getting engaged on vacation at the beach....But to be show you some respect, I would hope that they would wait till AT LEAST the day after your wedding. I know how some girls can be..even though it is someone else's day, they think they need to steal the spotlight! I REALLY HOPE this isn't what happened! Will be anxious to hear what happened! CONGRATS ON THE MARRIED LIFE! :-) 

[Jennkn87]

My biggest stressor thus far has been getting his family on board with the decision to get married so far away.  I have ALWAYS wanted to get married on a beach. We originally thought maybe South Carolina, Florida area...then I quickly realized..we would be getting on yet another plane for a honeymoon, there are NO all-inclusive places in the US, and if we are going to do this...lets do it RIGHT! So I started looking at islands....Originally thinking the Virgin Islands, so the people that didn't have passports already wouldn't have to mess with getting them. I then learned how expensive it can be to fly there, and decided....It's MY wedding...I shouldn't be planning this around other people! I've been to Mexico twice, and Punta Cana once, so my next destination was going to be Jamaica! I ran this idea past my fiancee and he was on board! I decided that was going to be the destination! Now to figure out which resort to choose! 
When we mentioned this to his family, his mother instantly laughed..saying...HAH! RIGHT! We are not spending that much money!....I don't think she thought I was serious! Well...SORRY! Every since we decided this his family has been causing issues. His mom finally is  starting to come around and actually said she wants to see my info I've gathered. Just when I thought I could breathe easier and they were coming around, his father made mention to his gma that he WAS NOT going to leave the country.....Seriously?!?!?! I'm really having issues with this...I am NOT budging on MY wedding....I think alot of it has to do with...they have NEVER been out of the country, let alone...NEVER even been to a beach. They don't realize the ALL-INCLUSIVE part of it. I really think if they had experienced it before they wouldn't be soo negative on the idea. Then to top it off...now his sister is throwing a fit, due to the fact we have decided not to take his 2 year old daughter with us down for the ceremony, and only have her at the at home reception. Now apparently I'm a HORRIBLE person because we made this decision, for MANY reasons!! She would be the ONLY child in the group, we are staying at an adults-only resort, even if we got a pass for her to come over, it would only be for the ceremony,  we would have to get her a separate plane ticket, get her a passport (which would be hell in itself getting her mother to show up to sign for it), someone would have to watch her the whole time, I don't think she needs to be around all of the drinking and partying that will no doubt be going on, she won't remember it, and most obviously and importantly...her mother is lets just say the most pleasant person to deal with and would NEVER allow us to take her out of the country, mainly just because she likes to do ANYTHING that will hurt him or make things difficult for us. His family knows how much trouble she has already caused and the type of person she is...I would think that in itself would make them realize our decision is the right one...NOT the case...instead I'M the bad person now. 

I'm sticking to my guns and not letting ANY of their drama they are trying to cause bring me down or change any of my decisions. My fiancee is on board with all of this and I made sure of that in the beginning. It's just SUPER frustrating on top of trying to make all the decisions on the resort and trying to figure what to spend money on and what not to! I ended up changing resorts and FINALLY after like 2 months made a final decision on one...now just waiting to hear back about my date and make the deposit! I feel like once I have that part done I will feel like ALOT has been lifted off my shoulders! Hoping things start looking up! Sorry! Rant over!!! I haven't talked to many people about my situation...but the ones I have talked to have totally agreed with our decision! Some people just don't see it from our point of view I guess! Oh well! OUR WEDDING!!! 

[NJBride2014]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennkn87 
 

My biggest stressor thus far has been getting his family on board with the decision to get married so far away.  I have ALWAYS wanted to get married on a beach. We originally thought maybe South Carolina, Florida area...then I quickly realized..we would be getting on yet another plane for a honeymoon, there are NO all-inclusive places in the US, and if we are going to do this...lets do it RIGHT! So I started looking at islands....Originally thinking the Virgin Islands, so the people that didn't have passports already wouldn't have to mess with getting them. I then learned how expensive it can be to fly there, and decided....It's MY wedding...I shouldn't be planning this around other people! I've been to Mexico twice, and Punta Cana once, so my next destination was going to be Jamaica! I ran this idea past my fiancee and he was on board! I decided that was going to be the destination! Now to figure out which resort to choose! 
When we mentioned this to his family, his mother instantly laughed..saying...HAH! RIGHT! We are not spending that much money!....I don't think she thought I was serious! Well...SORRY! Every since we decided this his family has been causing issues. His mom finally is  starting to come around and actually said she wants to see my info I've gathered. Just when I thought I could breathe easier and they were coming around, his father made mention to his gma that he WAS NOT going to leave the country.....Seriously?!?!?! I'm really having issues with this...I am NOT budging on MY wedding....I think alot of it has to do with...they have NEVER been out of the country, let alone...NEVER even been to a beach. They don't realize the ALL-INCLUSIVE part of it. I really think if they had experienced it before they wouldn't be soo negative on the idea. Then to top it off...now his sister is throwing a fit, due to the fact we have decided not to take his 2 year old daughter with us down for the ceremony, and only have her at the at home reception. Now apparently I'm a HORRIBLE person because we made this decision, for MANY reasons!! She would be the ONLY child in the group, we are staying at an adults-only resort, even if we got a pass for her to come over, it would only be for the ceremony,  we would have to get her a separate plane ticket, get her a passport (which would be hell in itself getting her mother to show up to sign for it), someone would have to watch her the whole time, I don't think she needs to be around all of the drinking and partying that will no doubt be going on, she won't remember it, and most obviously and importantly...her mother is lets just say the most pleasant person to deal with and would NEVER allow us to take her out of the country, mainly just because she likes to do ANYTHING that will hurt him or make things difficult for us. His family knows how much trouble she has already caused and the type of person she is...I would think that in itself would make them realize our decision is the right one...NOT the case...instead I'M the bad person now.

I'm sticking to my guns and not letting ANY of their drama they are trying to cause bring me down or change any of my decisions. My fiancee is on board with all of this and I made sure of that in the beginning. It's just SUPER frustrating on top of trying to make all the decisions on the resort and trying to figure what to spend money on and what not to! I ended up changing resorts and FINALLY after like 2 months made a final decision on one...now just waiting to hear back about my date and make the deposit! I feel like once I have that part done I will feel like ALOT has been lifted off my shoulders! Hoping things start looking up! Sorry! Rant over!!! I haven't talked to many people about my situation...but the ones I have talked to have totally agreed with our decision! Some people just don't see it from our point of view I guess! Oh well! OUR WEDDING!!!

Exactly, just remind yourself when your feel down and everyone is making their comments its OUR WEDDING.  They can choose to come if they'd like but in the end you will still go through with it they way you planned it and it will be great.  The only two people you really need to please are yourself and you your fiance.  Anyone else who does come and joins in the festivities is just icing on the cake.  For the people who do not come they can see all the nice pictures of all the fun!

[Jennkn87]

NJBride--- Thanks for the positive thoughts! I'm really glad to have people, (even ones I don't know!!) keep me thinking positive while others are trying to bring me down! I was originally worried about getting off on the wrong foot with his family..but now I'm not going to worry about it. They will most likely go and have an absolute blast. Considering they have never done anything like this, they are very pessimistic about it....If they don't...Oh well! We will have a blast, if they don't, I guess thats their fault! LoL! Going to try my best to not let anyone elses comments bring me down and just enjoy the planning!!

[csho]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennkn87 
 

NJBride--- Thanks for the positive thoughts! I'm really glad to have people, (even ones I don't know!!) keep me thinking positive while others are trying to bring me down! I was originally worried about getting off on the wrong foot with his family..but now I'm not going to worry about it. They will most likely go and have an absolute blast. Considering they have never done anything like this, they are very pessimistic about it....If they don't...Oh well! We will have a blast, if they don't, I guess thats their fault! LoL! Going to try my best to not let anyone elses comments bring me down and just enjoy the planning!!

I feel so blessed that his family and mine were both on board with the destination wedding because I know I would be really upset if they didn't want to attend. Luckily my FI told his mom within the first few weeks of us dating that if we ever got married it would be down south, so they already knew thats what we would be doing when it came down to it. When we got engaged and told them there was no surprise and they were on board. Luckily both of our parents travel quite a bit and aren't opposed to it. BUt I am sure your FI parents will love it once they are there... I know so many people who are like oh AI that wouldn't be fun but once they have been thought it was the best thing in the world. Many people are just uncomfortable with new things and especially where its such a new thing for such an important life event I can see their hesitation, BUT at the end of the day its your day and you guys have be the happiest because no one else is going to remember your day as much as you will or care as much about what happened that day then you! I really think you need to stick to your guys plans and as long as your FI supports the decision as well then thats all the matters!

[jandl2013]

I feel so blessed that his family and mine were both on board with the destination wedding because I know I would be really upset if they didn't want to attend. Luckily my FI told his mom within the first few weeks of us dating that if we ever got married it would be down south, so they already knew thats what we would be doing when it came down to it. When we got engaged and told them there was no surprise and they were on board. Luckily both of our parents travel quite a bit and aren't opposed to it. BUt I am sure your FI parents will love it once they are there... I know so many people who are like oh AI that wouldn't be fun but once they have been thought it was the best thing in the world. Many people are just uncomfortable with new things and especially where its such a new thing for such an important life event I can see their hesitation, BUT at the end of the day its your day and you guys have be the happiest because no one else is going to remember your day as much as you will or care as much about what happened that day then you! I really think you need to stick to your guys plans and as long as your FI supports the decision as well then thats all the matters!

Everything you said is so true... A lot of my family and friends are on board because they travel, but some of my FI's family has been very resistant. I know once they go, they will have a great time but in the meantime it can be very stressful as a bride. Luckily my FI and I are on the same page so that is helpful and it's true that at the end of it all, your day is about you and him.

[csho]

Everything you said is so true... A lot of my family and friends are on board because they travel, but some of my FI's family has been very resistant. I know once they go, they will have a great time but in the meantime it can be very stressful as a bride. Luckily my FI and I are on the same page so that is helpful and it's true that at the end of it all, your day is about you and him.

Oh forsure! Its soo funny because I have been lucky and haven't had any flack from any of the guests invited- or no one has said anything about it- but its people who we are just acquaintances who have not been invited to the wedding who had said like "isn't is selfish to get married down south"? or Oh I've heard they're fun and easy for the bride and groom but its not as great for the guest... Um thanks... if you aren't even invited why would you care or say something like that. Anyhow I didn't let it bother me cause everyone who is coming is super excited and those are the people I want there anyway! But you know whether you have a destination wedding or a local one there are always going to be negative people! I can't believe how many people think their opinions matter in someone elses wedding! Its just crazy!

[jandl2013]

Oh forsure! Its soo funny because I have been lucky and haven't had any flack from any of the guests invited- or no one has said anything about it- but its people who we are just acquaintances who have not been invited to the wedding who had said like "isn't is selfish to get married down south"? or Oh I've heard they're fun and easy for the bride and groom but its not as great for the guest... Um thanks... if you aren't even invited why would you care or say something like that. Anyhow I didn't let it bother me cause everyone who is coming is super excited and those are the people I want there anyway! But you know whether you have a destination wedding or a local one there are always going to be negative people! I can't believe how many people think their opinions matter in someone elses wedding! Its just crazy!

that's how i feel about it. Negative people come out of the woodwork when weddings happen, but I will never understand why they believe their opinion and desires matter more than the bride and groom. We have made many concessions for family to make sure that the hotel is nice with great good and the reception location is awesome. All they need to decide is whether or not they are able or want to come then book. We are not going to go broke trying to have a big wedding for over 200+ people just so they can be nosey, and party on our dime. I want people whoreally support and love us to be there to celebrate. I know some people won't be able to make it, but if we got married locally or in new York we would not have been able to afford the kind of wedding that we wanted and accommodate all of the guests that would most likely have been in attendance. That's life unfortunately so we had to make a choice and we chose to have a memorable occasion for us and whoever can join us. Who needs to be there to help us celebrate will be there...

[csho]

that's how i feel about it. Negative people come out of the woodwork when weddings happen, but I will never understand why they believe their opinion and desires matter more than the bride and groom. We have made many concessions for family to make sure that the hotel is nice with great good and the reception location is awesome. All they need to decide is whether or not they are able or want to come then book. We are not going to go broke trying to have a big wedding for over 200+ people just so they can be nosey, and party on our dime. I want people whoreally support and love us to be there to celebrate. I know some people won't be able to make it, but if we got married locally or in new York we would not have been able to afford the kind of wedding that we wanted and accommodate all of the guests that would most likely have been in attendance. That's life unfortunately so we had to make a choice and we chose to have a memorable occasion for us and whoever can join us. Who needs to be there to help us celebrate will be there...

Which is exactly the way it should be! A wedding is for you and your groom... not other people!

[jandl2013]

Exactly...and if you try to please everyone, you and the groom will be the unhappy ones on your day.