To postpone, or not to postpone... Advice please?

[FutureMrsLewis]

Our plans are to get married in Florida in February of 2011. As of right now. But I don't really have anything done except I've contacted a TA. No dress, rings, tickets, nothing paid yet. So if we need more time, now is the time to make that decision... But I can't make it on my own, I'm about to tear my hair out!

 

Here's the story:

 

When we had first planned for February 2011, I said "Well, I'll graduate in October 2010, so then we can get married shortly after that!" I could have sworn my brain was on at the time, but apparently not. If I begin work in October/November, how likely am I to get vacation time 3-4 months later? Also, how did I plan on paying for said wedding? It's a well-known fact that students don't have a heck of a lot of money, and I'm no exception. I had thought "Well, when I graduate I'll have a good job, I can pay for it" thinking I had 4 months to save.

 

Nope.

 

I'll graduate on October 29th, we want to leave around January 30th. Are you counting? Because if you are, that's 3 months, which means I'll be about $3000 short. Crap.

 

So, we COULD force it right now and scrimp and save and pinch every penny (and maybe borrow?) and we could keep the 2011 date. However, to get married in 2012 would be easier financially. I just don't know if I want to wait any longer lol What should we do? I kinda feel bad having to tell the TA "Well, you did some great research so far, BUT, we're going to put it off for a year. Thanks anyway!" KWIM? And we've already told family and friends about 2011. I just don't know what to do. 2012 is easier, but do I really want to wait another year?

 

Help!

[echo2_62]

A couple things to think about - are you really set on going down in the winter or 2011? What about waiting until the spring or even late fall? Then you aren't waiting a full year but you've still got more time to save up. Sometimes January can be difficult for other people too because they're just be coming back from Christmas holidays and either might not have the cash or be able to book the time off as easily.

 

As for the TA, I don't think it's a bad thing for you to be honest and say that the January 2011 dates just aren't working for you financially or whatever, but that you'd like to come back and see him/her again once you've got a better idea again. I think they understand these situations for the most part.

 

As much as you might not want to wait an extra year, you want to make sure that you're making smart decisions for starting your future together as well. Good luck deciding!

[mlabbe]

If you can't wait to get married, you could always do the legal wedding sooner with a city hall wedding and a small party with friends and family. You could then have a big party and symbol ceremony at your destination of choice in 2012, when you have vacation days available and money saved up! It's not the same, but it's an option!

[FutureMrsLewis]

We really want to stick to February, because it's a slower season at Disney, and the weather is pretty nice (not much rain, not too hot). So I'd rather not go another time of year. And we're going to Disney because if we get married at home, my grandparents would show up, and I would rather not get married at all than I would have them show up. They are horrible people, and they aren't welcome in my home, let alone at my wedding, but my father would bring them to my wedding if it is here at home because he is in denial about how horrible these people are (they're his parents).

 

So I think we may just postpone for February 2012...

 

But on a happier note, FI ordered my replacement e-ring, and it will be here tomorrow! Yay!

[bholthof]

You know, its really up to you guys... Personally, I think that you have PLENTY of time to plan a wedding for 2011. As a student myself, I feel where you are coming from with the cash-flow problem, but honestly? If you want to get married, you'll make it work. And perhaps you don't have to spend quite so much as you think you will on the wedding. Can you work part-time while in school to help supplement your income? Is there anywhere you can cut spending?

 

And why are you graduating in October? Most school terms end in April, August, and December - so even if your graduation ceremony is in October, wouldn't you have finished school at the end of August? In which case you would have 4 months to save...

 

And where do you think you are going to get a job? Cause if you get a full-time indeterminate or term +6 position with the goverment, you are awarded vacation time in advance for the entire fiscal year - and to start you have approximately a week plus various other vacation days. In which case you would already have the time available - as long as you didn't take other vacation time before the wedding.

Also, MOST reasonable employers will let you take time off for your wedding - as long as you let them know when you are hired that that is the plan - I don't know of any employer who would say no. The only thing is that you might have to take it as days of leave without pay.

 

Personally, I gave myself 7 months to plan our wedding. I think that we have plenty of time. And we would have gotten married earlier yet, except we wanted to go at a good time of year, and give people enough time to plan. I didn't want to wait that extra year - so we aren't. And I also think that people who are engaged for longer tend to keep putting off the wedding because they get caught up in thier life together - buying houses, working, etc. I mean, once you're done school you have extra cash around - why not buy a house or upgrade to a better apartment? Financially, even if you hold off for a year, you may still not have extra cash lying around. It might be sunk into other things.

 

Good luck with your decision - I'm sure you'll decide to do whats right for you guys.

[FutureMrsLewis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bholthof If you want to get married, you'll make it work. And perhaps you don't have to spend quite so much as you think you will on the wedding. Can you work part-time while in school to help supplement your income? Is there anywhere you can cut spending? That's true, I definitely can make it work. However I can't work part-time because if I do they will cut my funding for school And why are you graduating in October? Most school terms end in April, August, and December - so even if your graduation ceremony is in October, wouldn't you have finished school at the end of August? In which case you would have 4 months to save... I'm actually graduating in October, my program finishes October 29, 2010 (which I just noticed is a year from today! Yay!). Strange, but true lol However early in September we begin a workterm that lasts for 8 weeks (which takes me to October 29th) and I'm actually hoping I can skip my workterm and just go straight to work. Also, MOST reasonable employers will let you take time off for your wedding - as long as you let them know when you are hired that that is the plan - I don't know of any employer who would say no. The only thing is that you might have to take it as days of leave without pay. I know most will, I'm just afraid I'll get stuck with the one arsehole who won't let me take time off, KWIM? Financially, even if you hold off for a year, you may still not have extra cash lying around. It might be sunk into other things. I think you may have just hit the nail right on the head! If we do hold off for a year, FI thinks "Well, now we can go get straightened away for a house, and get a new car, and blah, blah, blah, and by the time the year is up, we probably won't have enough then either... Oi.. Decisions, decisions...

I like getting married right after graduation because then instead of putting the money toward houses and such, we can pay for the wedding and still live "small" like we are now (with the apartment and such, small expenses) and then when we come back, we can focus on getting a house and all that other good stuff, and it will feel like a brand new beginning of our lives together and we won't have to worry about saving for our wedding because it's done already!

[bholthof]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FutureMrsLewis I like getting married right after graduation because then instead of putting the money toward houses and such, we can pay for the wedding and still live "small" like we are now (with the apartment and such, small expenses) and then when we come back, we can focus on getting a house and all that other good stuff, and it will feel like a brand new beginning of our lives together and we won't have to worry about saving for our wedding because it's done already!

Thats my thoughts exactly!!! We're getting married April 14th, and my last day of classes is April 1st.

Mind you, I have a government job and get paid pretty well, and I'm only in school part-time this fall, so I make a lot more than a typical student. Which only means I'm saving for a puppy/a house. LOL.

It seems to me that you don't really want to put it off - You guys will ultimately decide what will be best for you - so good luck!!

[Melidell]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bholthof And I also think that people who are engaged for longer tend to keep putting off the wedding because they get caught up in thier life together - buying houses, working, etc.

I can personally vouch for this being true. I will have been engaged for three years this December on my birthday- so almost three and a half by the wedding. Don't get me wrong- I'm very glad that we waited and we did so for good reasons (relocating for (much) better jobs, buying our home) but it is easy to keep putting it off after a while because there will always be something else that comes up. Take it from me, it is not the end of the world if you have to postpone, but be sure that if you do at some point you'll be willing to step back and say- "enough is enough, it's time to get married already."

[*Meagan*]

Hi there!! I also think you have plenty of time to plan and pay for your wedding but its whatever you feel is best!

 

And typically disney world picks up and picks up fast in February. Its vacation for schools all over the country. Take it from a Disney vacation club member and someone who has been there a million times. January and October are Walt Disney Worlds slowest months. Just dont want you to be overwhelmed when you get there and its packed with people!

 

You are going to have A BLAST! My friends just got married there last January!! they loved it!

 

Where are you going to have the ceremony and reception? Are you doing one of their packages? Where are you staying?

[FutureMrsLewis]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bholthof It seems to me that you don't really want to put it off - You guys will ultimately decide what will be best for you - so good luck!!

You're right, I don't really want to put it off lol I've put it off too long already it seems...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melidell I will have been engaged for three years this December on my birthday

We'll be engaged for three years on Christmas Day! So it will be a little over four years when we finally get married. And I realize how easy it is to postpone lol I've been doing it now for 3 years... It was 2009, then 2010, then 2011, now maybe 2012... Uggh lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by future_mrs2010 And typically disney world picks up and picks up fast in February. Its vacation for schools all over the country. Take it from a Disney vacation club member and someone who has been there a million times. January and October are Walt Disney Worlds slowest months. Just dont want you to be overwhelmed when you get there and its packed with people! Where are you going to have the ceremony and reception? Are you doing one of their packages? Where are you staying?

February is NOT slow? Dammit! lol I was told that mid-January to mid-February was the slowest time of year... Well, even if we have to get married in January, no big deal. We were planning for February 2 anyway. So usually when in January does it slow down? I'm curious now lol

We're thinking about having the ceremony at the gazebo at the yacht club resort, we're not sure about the reception yet. One of the restaurants most likely. We're doing the escape wedding package (we have about 14 people) and we're planning to stay at Coronado Springs. I can't wait!