Mom gave me an ultimatum to come to MY wedding!?!

[boscobel]

I would tell her to take her ultimatums and shove them up her ass!

 

Why would she book after you told her you no longer wanted her to come? You would normally think it was b/c she's realized she should support her daughter. But booking AFTER that and then giving you ultimatums? I don't think so. Sounds like she's planning drama. If she ends up coming, I would tell hotel security to keep her away from you. Maybe that's going to the extreme, but I'm having one of those days.

[sjmacphe]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through this...I can't even imagine how stressful that would be. I agree that you need to talk to your mom ASAP and try to reason with her..maybe try to explain to her that you are happy and even if she doesn't approve she needs to accept it and be there for you. It seems so crazy that she would come to try to put a stop to it...

Hope that you can reason with her - we are here for you to vent to - do you have other close girlfriends you can talk to also? Stay strong!

[vlynnw]

Wow that's a tough situation to be in. I mean I would probably tell her that if she wants to be there you would appreciate her coming but you don't want her to ruin your wedding, and that if she can't be nice she should keep her comments to herself because this is your day not hers. The thing my mom has always said about my sister's husband and my fiance when people ask her if they like them (which fortunately she does) is well "yes I do, but I don't have to like him because I'm not the one who has to live with him". So remind your mother that you love this man and want to marry him, and it doesn't matter what she thinks because it's not her relationship.

[Jo 2010]

Oh my god, I can't believe that she is causing all this drama.

 

I think the first thing that need to be rectified - the ultimatums come from YOU, not her.

 

I know she is your mother, but given your relationship and her behaviour - I can't help feeling that she will ruin your day at all costs.

 

Hardball is the only way to play this one I feel. Something like -

 

Your my mother and I love you, but my wedding is the start of my new life. The choice is yours whether you would like to be part of that life or not. Should you decide that you would like to be present at one of the most important days of my life, The I only ask 1 thing:

1. You will be supportive from the moment you get on the plane to leave, until the moment the plan lands back home afterwards. Your wedding is reserved ONLY for people who are supporting me, and celebrating my relationship and my marriage.

Mum, your opinion has been heard. Loud and clear. I understand that this is not the way you want things to happen. I understand this is not the decision you would make. Now you need to understand that this is my life - and if you would like to continue your part in it, then bite your tongue.

If you feel that you can meet my one demand, then I would love to have you at my wedding. If you cannot, then its best that you stay at home.

 

 

 

Goodluck! xx

[GracieBebe]

I agree with Carly that you should probably have the WC and hotel security be forewarned about your mother. You already told her you did not want her there, so the fact that she is showing up means that she is an uninvited guest. Do you really want to take the chance that she might ruin your special day? You will never get that day back at all. Based on past history and statistics, what do you think she will do? Feelings aside, if you feel that she will ruin it, then make the necessary arrangements so that she does not interfere. If need be, make sure she is not allowed within 100 ft of your wedding or reception so that she cannot ruin it. Sorry to sound like I'm going to extremes but this is your special day and you don't want it marred forever by negativity because there is no changing history.

[big3n09]

Sorry this is happening, you would think people would let you have one day for a few hours at least. I would def have friends, family, and WC or staff just keep her away from me. It's so uncalled for and it's pointless that she's coming if she feels the need to be so negative. I hope things work out, good luck!

[~Angela~]

Eeek, how awful! Everyone's advice is so good though. Let us know what happens!

[Preciousmi811]

Tell your travel agent to cancel her. Wow what happened in her youth to make her pull a stunt like this? Sounds like she is loving the attention, I bet she is playing the victim role very well. Just imagine for the grand finale which is your WEDDING what she will pull to have the attention on her. Time to block her every move notify the hotel so they will cancel her reservation focus on her not being there. Once she realizes you will not have contact with her if she continues to act like this she will probably calm down but I doubt it will be anytime soon. Ask yourself this would you rather have a wedding that turned out beautiful and you were a little sad your mom could not be there or have your wedding RUINED by your mom bad mouthing the entire time and to top it off she tries to stop the wedding?? Even if your mom says she will behave I wouldn't trust having her at wedding.

[egsarah]

Thank you all for the advice. I plan on emailing my mom this weekend and we'll see what happens. Phone calls always turn into screaming matches and well... I live 1500 miles away (she wonders why)

 

I'll be sure to keep you all posted.

[SSNM]

Yes, do keep us posted!

 

I would like to second the suggestion of having other guests help keep her in check. At least if there are multiple people forewarned of her potential tantrum, they will be ready and can help to diffuse it quickly -- and you will feel much better knowing that there are people that DO love and support you to make sure that your day is special. This will really help to keep you calm and feeling positive during what would otherwise be a very stressful and upsetting moment when your mother decides to get ghetto. I would even dignify anything that she said with a response; let your 'designated guests' rebuke it.

 

I wish someone would give me an ultimatum to attend my wedding...even would recoil when I finish with them.