Have people questioned your reason for doing a DW?

[wsarah2107]

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Originally Posted by stina76 I feel your pain and I am not even having my wedding outside the US! But you would think I am with the grief I am getting from having it in Florida. I just don't get it!! For example, I was in Target yesterday and ran into a good family friend. She asked how the wedding planning was going and I said great and then made the mistake of saying, "hope you guys can be there." She then started calculating the cost of the trip (out loud like "at least $500 for airfare and at least $400 for the room) and was just like "you know that's quite a bit and I just don't know if we can do that." Wouldn't it have been nicer to just say, "I hope so too" and leave it at that!! So then I felt bad! But then this same person goes to Mexico once or twice a year. Why don't you just be honest and say, I would rather not spend my money on a wedding, we have other things planned. I don't care anymore, well obviously I do since I am venting! : ) It just makes me mad because I feel this is like will be a fun vacation for people. I would love it if one of my friends were to have their wedding in a tropical location!! I mean, I have travelled all over for weddings (some really boring) and haven't complained! Ughh! Anyway, I completely understand how you feel!!

ohmy gosh! I can't handle that lady figuring costs out loud to you!! AHH!! I don't know what I would have done!
But, yes, we've had our fair share of naysayers and people who try to sway us to have a regular wedding here...I just get stressed out thinking about it so I'm not going to say much more about that....we've just decided that the people who are questioning/pushing for something else/not being supportive/making us feel bad... (even though some close family) whatever...we'd like them to be there but if they aren't going to be excited about it and really want to be there--we don't need any negative ppl present on our special day--stay home!!

[RaychelRae]

The way I see it, the people who complain DON'T HAVE TO COME! There is no reason you should have to feel guilty for your choice. Part of the fun of having a DW is so that your guests can enjoy themselves on a sort of vacation as well.

[echo2_62]

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Originally Posted by amyrot Thanks Meghan- geez I cant' believe the hassle you guys are going through too! Isn't it funny how people can be so unsupportive. You're right in that its other people who are chiming in with their two cents- and one of my FI's aunts who is basically like a sister because they're close in age- was the one to get this all started. So I have a feeling that Kevin is going to be taking her opinion highly, but I know he wants to do what we want. We have to weigh the pro's and con's like you said. We have a lot of people who seem to really be excited about going and making a vacation about it. I know its a stretch financially for my family too but I've already told one of my sister's to not worry about it- and my parents want to go for a vacation I really think. they are excited. I know my FI's siblings are excited, and hey its not my fault that my MIL is going to pay for 3 of the siblings ! i'm glad you guys stuck to your plans!

You are lucky to have your FMIL is helping pay for some of the siblings! Money is a tricky thing though! FI's parents are very good at treating them equally. What one gets, so does the other. So back when FI's brother and SIL had their destination wedding a few years ago their parents paid for around half of what the resort/flight package cost for the two of them. So it was kind of an assumption that they had the same thing in mind for us and therefore felt that they should have some input/opinion/influence on the way we did things for the wedding. Except for two small details. One - they hadn't yet given us, or even mentioned giving us, the money. Two - I flat out told FI that even if it was offered, I didn't want it because I was not comfortable taking it. Just part of how I grew up i guess. So it really ticked me off of course when fi's parents felt entitlement in any way. ARG! Although I think we're through the worst of it, FI still thinks his parents aren't happy with us because they haven't spoken with him, even though they have spoken with me. I'm just to the point of not caring. If they're going to be happy and come then great. And if not then it's their loss for missing their sons wedding!

And the funny thing is, one of my BM's just got engaged and although she kind of wanted to do a DW and they're keeping it local, she has made a few comments that just have me thinking that she doesn't entirely agree with the way we've done some things. Like asking how we could limit our guest list which meant some of our not-as-close friends didn't get invited or either did our extended family. And I love this girl, and she would almost never say anything negative etc. but it just shows you that no matter who the person is, people will always have their own opinions that are going to be different than your own and you just can't stress about it.

[punkie569]

I never realized before how much other people seem to think that they have a say in any wedding that isn't theirs. It amazes me what people say/do when it comes to something that they don't like in someone elses wedding. I've always had the frame of mind that if it's their wedding they do what they want and who cares what anyone else says. Apparently not......

 

We had issues when we first told our families that we wanted a destination wedding. We never wanted a big wedding and this was what we wanted so you'd think that would be the end of it. Nope, we got all the same excuses that it's too far to travel, too much money, not convenient etc. We had to have some hard talks with people but it was needed. You'd think that'd be the end of it but then it came time to pick the resort and now it's started up all over again. I knew the El Dorado Royale was one of the more expensive options but I fell in love with it and I didn't want to settle. Luckily my parents love that we are going away to get married and they said "it's your wedding and you get married where you want and everyone else has to deal with it." So we booked EDR and now we are getting flack over how expensive it is and as of right now my brother and sister might not come. I was upset at first but if they don't want to pay the money then that is their problem and I have enough to worry about. I'm the kind of person that wants to make everyone happy all the time even at my own expense but this is the one time that it is all about me and FH and as long as I'm happy then that is what matters. Us brides need to remember that. Good luck

[CancunBride71010]

I actually get questioned all the time, and much of it negative.

 

The whole DW thing was kinda my FMILs idea. She said " It's only one day"

So I've changed it to a week.

[vlynnw]

I get this all the time. Ironically I end up with everyone saying how awesome it is minus my family which completely sucks. My family is extremely close so it makes it difficult that they aren't into the idea of a DW. My dad doesn't believe you should get married anywhere other than where you grew up. I basically don't share wedding details with my family which is hard and upsetting, but I'm just planning it and they can gripe all they want but when it comes down to it, they better show up and shut-up and have some fun!

 

Then on the other hand FI's family gets super excited about the idea of a DW and we weren't planning on inviting them at all, just to the AHR. So now our ideal intimate wedding of no more than 25 is now more like 75!!! When it comes down to it in the end it is your decision and you will do what you want. If people don't want to go then they shouldn't go.

[Vikki]

Most of my family has been supportive. I get asked and my answer is always the same: "A destination wedding is a great way to politely un-invite a lot of people and I want a small wedding without feeling like I'm leaving anyone out" The trade off is we're having a large reception when we get home so that helps too.

[Tifuhhknee]

My family has been supportive, for the most part. Some of the aunt/uncles/cousins that aren't VERY close with us have asked once each "why not this.... then go to Mexico" and I simply say "Because that's not what we want."

 

FI's family, however, is a whole different story (and post I had to make to vent). His mother, older brother, and one of his sister's pretty much gives us as much lip as they can about it. But we are firm on what we want and feel that we do not need to justify why. It's our wedding and our decision. They can choose to come celebrate with us, or not.

[jenv]

i've ran into the same problem since my family live in ontario and FI and i live in calgary it wasn't fare to pick either of those places. so i've been telling people either way it would cost them at least $600 round trip to either places plus hotel and food so why not just do an all-inclusive. i normally go more into detail with people that ask. in the end i normally win them over but i still haven't with my mother inlaw LOL!!!!!

[echo2_62]

jenv I'm in the same boat as you are! My family is in ontario and fi's is in manitoba... so travel was needed no matter where we had a wedding!