Have people questioned your reason for doing a DW?

[Pandabride6]

From what I'm reading here... it's like for every one guest who is for a DW there are two who are against it. It's so unfortunate because it should just be about the bride and groom's happiness.

 

You know what I think the problem is? We're too accommodating. People tend to take advantage of that and complain no matter how courteous you are. They want to see how much you value their opinion if they threaten to not come.

 

I learned the hard way it's about standing your ground and having no regrets!

[TaniBBurwell]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahand85 Thanks! I thought the same thing, I mean, it's not like I'm springing this on people just a few months before! We've been talking about this for over a year now, that seems like plenty of time to prepare for this if you want to go, but who knows. I just want to scream, "Be happy for us! This is OUR wedding, not yours!!" This seems to be the most stressful part of the planning so far. I did delete the post, but I saved it in a word document on my computer just in case I needed to reference it later if they ever say anything else to me. lol. I'm sorry about your FI's mother making that comment. Geez, what is up with people??

Ahand85- My FI and I had the same problem.
We got engaged in November 2008... and decided a few weeks later that we would get married in October 2010. We knew having a DW was the best option because we both have family all over the country. We decided to get married in Jamaica to pay homage to his roots in addition to it being a neutral location for everyone.

We made the announcement of our DW location and wedding date to both families in December 2008... and many people back then stated that they would not be able to afford it.... even though they had 1 year and 10 months to save for the trip!!! Some relatives threatened to not come at all... even my DP offered us $10K for the wedding in exchange for having it in my hometown!!!! They threw us an engagement party instead.

I feel that some of our relatives are purposely making this process extremely more stressful than necessary. We considered eloping at one point!

Even DF agreed with me.... we have been VERY accommodating to folks. We decided to finally think about our happiness first before everyone else’s.

Relatives tend to forget that the wedding is more about the bride and groom than themselves. They think that if you disagree with them, then you're wrong and disrespectful. And will attempt to bully you until their demands are met.

But honestly- if you do not agree with the bride and groom's decisions about THEIR wedding, then have some respect and keep your NEGATIVE comments to yourself! My DF and I decided to distance ourselves from a relative who decided to let everyone know how he/she really felt about us and our wedding plans!

Ahhh… if I could go back in time, we would have gotten married in City Hall and purchased a condo. Maybe it’s not too late. lol…

[Tifuhhknee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ahand85 Thanks! I thought the same thing, I mean, it's not like I'm springing this on people just a few months before! We've been talking about this for over a year now, that seems like plenty of time to prepare for this if you want to go, but who knows. I just want to scream, "Be happy for us! This is OUR wedding, not yours!!" This seems to be the most stressful part of the planning so far. I did delete the post, but I saved it in a word document on my computer just in case I needed to reference it later if they ever say anything else to me. lol. I'm sorry about your FI's mother making that comment. Geez, what is up with people??

The funniest part of it all is that after we got serious about wanting a DW, my FI sat him parents down in private and asked them if they were okay with that before we went for it. His dad said if it was what we wanted, they would do what they could to be there. So I call everyone with the great news, my mom is jumping up and down excited with me, and the next day all hell broke loose w/his mom. Case in point, the woman is a loony bird. I wish we could all scream that!!! Eventually, they shut up to your face about it. Good job on saving it though, I'd def want to show people and laugh about how pitiful that is. But the best of luck to everyone on this thread! I love knowing we are all here to support each other through this craziness. It will be worth it though.

[amyrot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tifuhhknee The funniest part of it all is that after we got serious about wanting a DW, my FI sat him parents down in private and asked them if they were okay with that before we went for it. His dad said if it was what we wanted, they would do what they could to be there. So I call everyone with the great news, my mom is jumping up and down excited with me, and the next day all hell broke loose w/his mom. Case in point, the woman is a loony bird. I wish we could all scream that!!! Eventually, they shut up to your face about it. Good job on saving it though, I'd def want to show people and laugh about how pitiful that is. But the best of luck to everyone on this thread! I love knowing we are all here to support each other through this craziness. It will be worth it though.

I'm glad everyone has these stories here..... I haven't gotten anything negative since I started this except for one of my FI 's grandmothers crying because she can't go. I assured her that our AHR will be great and we will be showing videos, pictures, and be in our wedding attire!

[blckrevpower]

All I can say is I feel you guys' pain. My parents were telling me we should just have a church wedding in my hometown. But the FI and I always knew we would go back to Jamaica for our wedding.

I didn't budge with my mom and I guess she figured that I wasn't going to change my mind and said they would be there. Her whole thing was she couldn't afford it, but she didn't even know how much it costs.

I have a HUGE family, but we're not backing away from OUR wedding location. It shouldn't be about what other people want. It should be about what you and your FH want.

I really don't want to consider anyone's feelings because we are paying for this ourselves. No one is helping financially, but is quick to offer ideas about our wedding location!

[Loveisintheair]

I agree with everyone. My Family mom told it was stupid at first and dad told me no one would come. Well he is right no one from his side is coming because that the way they are. Love you in your face and talk about you behind your back and on top of that my cousin planned his renewal of vows on the same day in my home city. But take it with class. I just tell them I am sorry they cannot make because it is going to be so beautiful on the beach with the ocean as our background. And smile :-)

 

It is like you can't get married unless they are there. Well guess what..we are getting married even if know one was there. But here is the flip side..now eveyone is excited. They can't wait...the ones coming. God will place the right people around us on our day.

[iheartbees]

Okay, I just read through this entire thread, and WOW. What is it about weddings in general that can turn some of your closest friends and relatives into nit-picky jerks?

 

I haven't heard anything negative about our DW itself... but I have had questions that were difficult to take with a grain of salt. Mostly "So you're just wearing a sundress to get married in, right?" or people assuming that the wedding is less significant/important than an at-home wedding would be.

 

The sundress thing bugs me the most. Next person to ask that gets told that we are having a BIKINI wedding, lol.

[Tifuhhknee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartbees The sundress thing bugs me the most. Next person to ask that gets told that we are having a BIKINI wedding, lol.

LMAO, great reaction! I think I'll go with this as well. For the most part, my family either understands, supports, or is keeping their mouths shut. FI's [immediate] family is the problem. I've come to the conclusion that they can kiss it. Their idea is to bring FI and myself down in hopes that we will change our minds, too bad, so sad. Our wedding, our way.

[*tanga*]

we have less than a month to go and my sister and fh's brother are now unable to come.

 

The reason we chose out DW in the first place is because if it was local we would have 200 of our "closest friends" want to come. by having it overseas it means that the people who really love and care about us will be there - everyone had over a year to make the necessary arrangements

[RonNMel]

So far the only couple/family who's had a problem with our DW, and who's said that if they come they'll book last minute to save money, is my aunt and uncle who each one alone makes more money than any other couple I know together.