Future in law drama, blah!

[Tifuhhknee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbo Also, after consulting with all our important people making sure they would come: My brother and his family said they couldn't afford it! Then FI's brother said he couldn't! So now, my mom is bailing out my brother (giving him 5k!) and FI's parents are bailing out his brother! Everyone is getting help but us!

Same problem! His dad says they will make it work no matter what. We told them we expected them to pay for themselves and the two younger ones, NOT the ones in/graduated from college! Get those kids off the tit for once, hah. My sister straight up told me "I don't see us being able to do it, so if a wedding in Mexico is more important than us being there..." but my mom told me not to worry about her. Mom says if they can afford some if it they may help them out to go. My brother in law is their sole supporter and they have a 2 year old and will have a baby (that was completely unplanned and the timing just isn't right) coming in about 2 months. So I do feel for them somewhat, but it's just sooo far away, do some saving and at least attempt to come! Oh well.

And you can vent too, I don't mind! Other people's stories make me feel like this is normal!! HAHA.

[Tifuhhknee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by autjo PS: Love your monogram!

Thanks! Made it myself. I'm sure in hte 18 months of planning I'll keep it ever changing, just for fun.

[laura4ever]

Ohh family drama sucks!

Good luck

[KarenM]

ugh! Unfortunately I can relate too. My sister pulled the same crap with "did you guys even consider other people before you decided this?!" She then went on to tell me how selfish we were being and all the reasons she thought my 2 brothers and 1/2 of my friends wouldn't be able to go, except she never even talked to anyone. I called her out on that and said she didn't know what she was talking about - I had already talked about it with EVERYONE to make sure they knew about it and they were all excited. I'm pretty sure she's not going, but I can live without the drama the week of my wedding so I'm ok with it.

 

People tend to project their own insecurities & inadequacies onto others, especially family. All this tumult is such a waste of energy and it really says a lot about the person complaining. You & your FI should keep holding your heads up high and continue to plan your dream wedding. It is, after all, a celebration of YOU! If they don't come around it truly will be their loss and I agree that they will regret it. Good luck to you both!

[KittenHeart]

After having been engaged and planning for 18 months now, I can tell you this....

 

Anyone that freaks out about money, tells me they can't go, or gives me any crap about this I simlply respond. "Thanks for letting me know, I totally understand."

 

You would be SHOCKED to find out that those same people have relaxed... and come back to me going... "oh you know, I still have time, I'll work it out"

 

I'm not letting anyone get to me, I'm doing this my way, they can hop on board or not, just don't let it get to you. The drama created by others for YOUR wedding is ridiculous, don't even give it the time of day (don't fuel their fire with arguement) and the fire will die.

 

Good luck and keep your chin up! Things will work themselves out.

[classadiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittenHeart After having been engaged and planning for 18 months now, I can tell you this.... Anyone that freaks out about money, tells me they can't go, or gives me any crap about this I simlply respond. "Thanks for letting me know, I totally understand." .

BRAVA!!! I am using this line...PERFECT!!

[SSNM]

Well said KittenHeart!

 

While we would generally agree that it is not anyone's business how we decide to get married, it is better to not burn bridges and just gracefully accept their complaining as a decline. Sometimes things seem pretty impossible far away from the date but as it gets closer the dust settles and it seems a bit more achieveable.

 

I've had my share of grumblings as well but I just think of the great wedding I will have and then I am happy. Hang in there!

[Tifuhhknee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by KittenHeart Anyone that freaks out about money, tells me they can't go, or gives me any crap about this I simlply respond. "Thanks for letting me know, I totally understand."

WOW, very gracious response that I will definitely borrow from now on. These past few days I've been thinking, it is just sad that people are so concerned with the life of FI and myself, their own must not be filled like ours is. I am completely happy with my life and have everything I want and need. These other people just aren't there yet.

Good for us though! We will all have the most beautiful, perfect weddings of our dreams. Just gotta let time pass and drama blow over.

[amandseth]

I used the same type of approach, basically said, if you can be there, we would love it, but if you can't make it we totally understand. My MOH and I got into it before I even got engaged (I've always wanted a DW), and she game me the same 'you're being selfish' guilt trip. Turned out that she feels a wedding is about sharing your love with all your family and friends and I think a wedding is about devoting yourself to one person, and is only about the bride and groom. If ppl want to come see me get married, GREAT! If not, no skin off my ass, I would be just as thrilled if it were just him and I and the sound of the ocean! People have different perceptions, but the only one that matters for YOUR wedding is yours. And the grooms. A little. lol, c'mon, who are we kidding? A wedding is the brides day!

 

My MIL-to-be called earlier this week and went on at length about how she'd found a deal for $500 less than what she'd paid. Made my fiance feel horribly guilty. Turns out the package was the last seat left on a plane that was set for different dates and they'd miss the wedding entirely. I was furious. Why is she still even looking at prices? Just to rub our noses in a better deal? It could have just as easily went up! Erg.

 

Well, there is my ranting contribution. The moral of my story is just to let it roll off your back, this day is yours. Own it. Anyone sending negative energy toward it/you, don't deserve the energy you'll give back stressing about it.

[KittenHeart]

Thank you ladies! Try it and see what happens, it's hard to be the bigger person sometimes or the one that stays calm but it really works if you can do it.

 

Good luck!!