Are you having a bridal shower? Is it proper to have one with a DW?

[chirorach]

i'm having the same problem as everyone else! we are only having about 50 people at our DW (family and close friends only). we aren't having a bridal party to boot. my aunt and best friend (both on the east coast) have mentioned a shower. i clarified that it really wasn't PC to invite people to the shower that weren't invited to the DW. considering that does not leave an extensive guest list, and the guests are scattered all over the country (my FI and I are in Portland, OR, his family in Kansas City) i don't really feel right about having people travel and spend money again just to come to a shower? one of my friends here wanted to throw one as well... just not sure what to do! its hard to say no when you have friends who want to do nice things for you!

 

we are having the same problem with the whole engagement party situation? my parents really want to have one on the east coast and are hoping to include their close friends who weren't invited to the DW as well. does this mean i have to invite everyone invited to the wedding to this party? should i have one on the west coast as well??

 

help! so confused!!

[SSNM]

Hi Chirorach!

I think if your friends and family are wanting to throw you a party I would just let them; most people just want to share in your day and understand that the actual wedding is small. I also think your friends and family will have good judgement and will respect your concerns and plan accordingly. I would not feel obligated to invite people to your wedding who you weren't planning on inviting just because your friends/family invited them to your shower. Again, your wedding is small so no one should feel put off that they were not invited if they were not close family/friends. Don't stress!

[amybermuda]

Rach - I agree with SSNM. As long as everyone knows you want a small wedding, and they still want to throw you a shower, then I would go with it. If its a pain for you to travel to the east coast, I would say just have a combo couples shower/engagement party. Even for non-DWers, there are always going to be showers w/ ppl not invited to the wedding, like at work or what have you. I think being open and honest and grateful that people came even though your wedding guest list is short, is the way forward!

[bahiabride2010]

I actually think that showers are a nice opportunity for those not invited to the wedding to celebrate you! I had a bit of guilt when my mom told me that a few friends wanted to throw us showers but people really want to celebrate so it's hard to tell them not too! As for the guest list for showers, I think it's nice to include those that can't make the DW!

[wemkulaf]

I had the same question, when people found out I was having a DW, most people alread said, well since it is a small event, we can do a bridal shower or something else for you. I also got questions from friends and family, like where are you registered since you are doing a DW so we can do something for you.

 

I think some people understand the concept of DW wedding and don't get offended if they are invited to a shower, but just want to celebrate with you in some way.

 

But in the end I will leave the shower situation up to my Bridesmaid and friends.

[ddk5576]

Thanks for all of the input ladies!! My FI and I are having a discussion about this currently. He thinks it's tacky to have a shower bc we are asking people to come to the wedding, which is gift enough. However, I feel that those that are being invited, but cannot attend the wedding in Mexico, should still be able to attend a shower, so they will feel "included" in events that lead up to the wedding, even though not attending. I feel better about having a Jack & Jill shower, and then asking those attending the wedding to not bring gifts. Thanks again ladies! You all are always so helpful!!

[hat0112]

Well I am inviting everyone, but I know that alot of them aren't coming. I wouldn't have one if I wasn't inviting everyone, but since I am, if someone throws one for me, then they do.