Jack and Jill vs. AHR

md2002 · October 11, 2009

Hello -

My FI and I were planning on having a J&J before we left for our DW instead of an AHR. I just don't feel like we would want to do an AHR after getting home.

I read on here about pre-wedding reception. Isn't that kind of the same thing as a J&J. For those who have done that how was the turn out? The thought is that we let it be known on the invitations that we are going away for the wedding and we would like to celebrate before leaving with all our family and friends. My FI is now worried that people don't bring gifts to J&J's.

For those who have had a J&J before the wedding how did it turn out? Was it understood that this was IT and you were using it as your only celebration of the wedding to be? In general what are peoples opinion of having a J&J before the DW?

SSNM · October 12, 2009

I think the wording you have planned in your invites is fine and people should get that this is the only celebration since you are doing a wedding away. As far as your FI's concerns about gifts, as long as all the invitees to the J&J were also invited to the wedding, then you should be alright and as far as gifts go as they would probably bring a gift anyway. If there are non-wedding invitees, then they may be put off with the thought of bringing a gift, particularly if the host of the J&J is the bridegroom and not another person -- the whole function may come off as a gift grab at that point. If gifts are a concern, I would probably have another person host it and give that person registry info for anyone who asks.

Sorry I don't have prior experience to offer, but I hope that helps a little

*Meagan* · October 12, 2009

hi there! So my fiance and I had a Jack and Jill/almost married/ pre wedding reception in CT in august. That is where I was born and raised and just recently moved to Utah to be with FI last year. We are getting married in January and having an AHR in Utah in February! It worked out amazing and all of our east coast family and friends LOVED IT!!!! We all had a blast!

KJT1985 · October 12, 2009

I'll let you know in November. My fiance is from Canada and I grew up in Colorado. We're both living in Louisiana now due to his job. His parents are hosting a "pre-wedding" reception in Canada next month. We get married in February and then in maybe June or July we'll have a reception in Colorado for my side. I call ours a "pre-wedding" reception because its more formal than a J&J - we're having dinner at a banquet hall at 6pm on a Saturday followed by drinks and dancing (DJ).

His parents DID invite people to the reception that were not invited to the wedding. I guess I don't see this as a huge deal. There were lots of people I would have invited if we'd had a wedding at home but I just knew they wouldn't come to a destination wedding since we aren't that close (like my parents college friends). The wedding guest list was limited to family and close friends. Then other people we're not personally as close with are invited to the receptions - more for our parents than for us. I hope they aren't offended by this, it's not about the gifts - it just doesn't make sense to invite people i'm not close with and I know 100% won't go to Jamaica for us. Could end up being a big expense in invites and postage.

I don't think it'll be that big of an issue. I expect a pretty good turn out at ours next month. I think people would still bring gifts if you called it a J&J. Somewhere in the back and forth between his mom and I, our invite wording got changed and doesn't specifically say "pre-wedding" reception. But it says its a celebration of marriage and then at the bottom is says that we'll be married in Jamaica.

Anyway, if having something before works better for you then I think it'll be just fine. We didn't have the vacation time to take off for two weeks in February then go to both Canada and Colorado after so we split things up a bit more. Remember that it's really all about celebrating!!

md2002 · October 12, 2009

Thanks for the responses.. I guess to clarify, my parents are paying for the whole J&J, so I guess technically they are the hosts.

This is more for my parents who would like to invite all their friends and mostly people I don't know Of course we will invite all of our friends as well, along with all family members. Where as the DW we are only inviting aunts, uncles and 1st cousins.....basically close family.

future_mrs2010 - Did the people at the J&J realize it was the only chance to celebrate your wedding? If so how did you word the invites?