Trying to avoid hurting sis - she's not my MOH

[RedHeadBride]

I am trying to do the impossible - avoid hurting my sis but not have her in the wedding. As of right now, my sister is just barely accepting that I am getting married on a beach (aka NOT in a church) by someone other than a Catholic priest, to a person she doesn't like. She and I have tried to be tactful in our discussions, but it is obvious she is not thrilled about the wedding. I was her MOH, but with our disagreements about my wedding, I don't want to ask her to be mine. I went ahead and asked my wonderfully supportive brother to stand up with me, but am trying to decide if I should ask her to at least be a BM. The truth is, we only have five months to go before the wedding and I really don't know if she will be supportive enough by then to stand up with me. Should I ask her to stand up or sit down?

[classadiva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedHeadBride I am trying to do the impossible - avoid hurting my sis but not have her in the wedding. As of right now, my sister is just barely accepting that I am getting married on a beach (aka NOT in a church) by someone other than a Catholic priest, to a person she doesn't like. She and I have tried to be tactful in our discussions, but it is obvious she is not thrilled about the wedding. I was her MOH, but with our disagreements about my wedding, I don't want to ask her to be mine. I went ahead and asked my wonderfully supportive brother to stand up with me, but am trying to decide if I should ask her to at least be a BM. The truth is, we only have five months to go before the wedding and I really don't know if she will be supportive enough by then to stand up with me. Should I ask her to stand up or sit down?

Sorry that you are going through this. It seems to me like a DW brings out the crazy in people. In any event, maybe you can put the ball in her court? Perhaps you could tell her that you would love for her to be your MOH, but given her feelings, you would understand if she did not want this role in your wedding. Perhaps she would like to do a reading or such?

On the other hand, I would make it clear to her that if she accepts the role of MOH, that you expect her full support even if the way that you are going about YOUR wedding would not be her choice. Afterall, when it was her turn, her MOH, namely YOU....gave the bride their full support. I'm sure that she would agree that you are entitled to no less. No?

This way...you have a clear conscious...and she will be the one whom has made the choice.

[mlabbe]

That's a tough one! Have you spoken with her about your feelings with regards to her lack of support? I am certain that if she understood how much it was hurting you, that she would learn to keep her negative opinions to herself. She's your sister, she loves you, and her job is to stand by you through good and bad - and she most likely want to do just that. If you sit her down, tell her how you feel and ask if she thinks that she could do this for you, then at least you gave her the chance and will save yourself the possibility of regrets.

 

Good luck!

[KimmyG]

She's hurt you by not being supportive. Be the bigger person and don't hurt her back by leaving her out. Anyone else you could do that to, but as your sister (regardless of your relationship) I would ask her to be a part of it by being a bridesmaid. Don't even bring up the words "maid of honor" but you may have long-term regrets if you don't give her the opportunity of being a bridesmaid in your wedding. With that honor, she may soften and come around in time for your big day. Best wishes <3

[meldal101010]

Its so hard to decide these things. I also didn't want to hurt anyones feelings, as I have a couple very good friends that wanted to be the MOH, but i have opted out of the MOH thing altogether.I've decided to have only bridesmaids, that way nobody gets mad and everyone is equal. I'm not saying this is right for your situation seeing as how its a bit different. I do think that maybe asking if she wanted to be a bridesmaid is a good idea. Is she the type of person you could really confide in, because if so i would definitley tell her of your reservations...i would with my sister.

 

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Good luck!

[ashley1316]

i am not choosing to have my sis in the wedding. only because we havent been very close up until the last couple years. i hope she will understand. i feel ur stress. maybe try to incorporate her into something else. such as a reading of some sort.

[amandseth]

I agree with classadiva. Put the ball in her court, but make your expectations clear at the same time. That you want to have people standing up for you who are going to be supportive of your marriage. If she chooses to accept the role, you can hold her to that agreement.

[meldal101010]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amandseth I agree with classadiva. Put the ball in her court, but make your expectations clear at the same time. That you want to have people standing up for you who are going to be supportive of your marriage. If she chooses to accept the role, you can hold her to that agreement.

I agree with you...and btw, i'm seeing your posts all over the place and everytime i scroll past one i get all freaked out. Soooo petrified of spiders, especially massive ones, you have one brave little niece!! lol

[amandseth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meldal101010 I agree with you...and btw, i'm seeing your posts all over the place and everytime i scroll past one i get all freaked out. Soooo petrified of spiders, especially massive ones, you have one brave little niece!! lol

lol! I've been posting like crazy, so I can download items! I think this is post #101! Yay me!

The spiders aren't so bad... lol, did you know a tarantula can't kill you? And would be highly unlikely even to release poison even if it was provoked and bit you? Having these spiders (we've got 4 different species, the one in the picture is a smaller one), is kind of like having fish. Just nice to look at.

Anyway, haven't heard back from the poster as to how things have worked out... any progress??