Mom just informed me they wont go to mexico

[SuzyQ76]

I had a lot of grief and grumbling about choosing a DW, well to be fair I shouldn't say grief and grumbling but down right instant "NO's" to going to Mexico...and Mexico specifically. It makes me very sad that people will listen to the present and past media hype and totally dismiss a chance to visit one of the most beautiful spots in the world - But, my response is always the same:

I completely understand your reservations about traveling in general and/or traveling to Mexico - we do not want any of our guests to feel uncomfortable at our wedding, you know we would absolutely love to have you there with us on our special day but this has always been our dream and we will think of you while we're there!

My FI and my families are a funny blend - his are all world travelers (His father is from the Philippines) and my family are pretty much all country bumpkins with the exception of a few! I think everyone on this forum has received the finance speech - and I totally understand, I'm a budget bride trying to keep things manageable for us too!!

I find myself praying that there won't be any media coverage of any "bad happenings" in Mexico just so no more family members get nervous and back out!!

The worst excuse I've had:

My brother who has lived in the USA for the past 10 years (who is walking me down the isle since my dad isn't with us anymore) decided on SEPTEMBER 11th that due to the hijacking in Cancun recently he will not be taking the rest of his family with him (his daughters were my flower girls and his wife my photographer) Now he told me this on September 11th...he was in the States at the time of this awful day that everyone will forever remember. I freaked, and told him do not use that excuse on this day you can use any excuse but not that one.

So HE is still coming but has informed me that he will not leave the resort and will not join us on any excursions - good thing I love him, but he's going to miss out on a lot of good times!!

So I hope it all works out for e everyone, I know I still have my fingers crossed that people will change their mentalities, but in the end it's our decision and it's what we want - if it was just going to be FI and I we would still do the same thing!

Good Luck and stick with your heart - that's what will keep you happy in the end. Whatever you feel you need to go with your gut, if you need your mom there and you can't do it without her then you may have to change your plans - but if changing your plans is out of the question: there's your answer.

[Rose13]

Thank you for all the responses. It is nice to hear others have had similar experiences, and it is nice to hear that it is about my FI and I from someone. I'm sorry for all of you who've had similar instances!

My mom and i have a rocky relationship...so I'm not too suprised with her. What upsets me the most though is if she doesn't go, then my siblings on that side (parents are divorced) will not be going and I really wanted them in the wedding. due to my mom, my siblings and I arn't as close and I would like, and they are young and unfortunately belief some bs she has told them (long story, but when I was a teenager I moved in with just my dad and that family, and she told them lies about why I moved and pretty much just cause I didnt love them... which of course is not true). So really for me, the hard part is that I really wanted them in it and my mom and i have been working on our relationship so I thought it'd get better.

She wants me to have like two weddings. one with each family. Which is not going to happen!

As for her not coming to mexico, she just said its a "hassle", and she also just doesn't like mexico. she is freaked out about the violence and drug wars going on there

I was thinking about saying fine, and doing it at home town. BEcause one of the important things for me is having my siblings in it.

But i also know we have our heart set on a DW in mexico, and if i change all that because its just too much of a "hassle" for her, then I will probably unfortunately hold a bit of that against her forever. Which i don't want to do.

thank you all again for the comments! they did help and made me realize it is really what we want to do.

I just wish my siblings could be there.

[marny61]

I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time but am glad to see that you have decided what is most important to you. Maybe there is someway that you could include your siblings whether it be hosting a shower for you or even having them help with some diy projects - maybe you could even make picture charms of them and put those in your bouquet. They may also be upset that they are not going to be able to go and helping you with some of the planning and they may welcome the chance to spend some quality time with you.

[LDeeken]

It sounds like no matter what you do your Mom might be a bit difficult. Maybe you could work on your siblings and see if they will come without your Mom (depending on their age).

 

Here's another piece of reassurance for you: My sister's friend is having a traditional wedding in St. Louis next weekend. She is pretty stressed out and has told my sister that she wishes she was having a DW like me. Sometimes we get caught up in the difficulty of planning this type of wedding, but just remember there would be issues if you did it in the states as well.

 

Anyway, good luck and hopefully all the BDW support has helped ease your mind. This is such an awesome place to vent!!

[thefuturemrslutz]

It's so funny how DWs cause so much drama! I don't understand it at all. I have been in several friends' weddings that were in their "hometowns" but I still had to travel, get hotel rooms, etc. I was debating on a DW after my MOH said she just couldn't afford it, which I totally understand. I just felt so guilty asking people to spend all that money. However, once I started asking around, 95% of our guests were super excited! My mom was totally excited but started giving me some grief about every date I chose, saying she couldn't get off work, etc. I think moms just give us a hard time about stuff. She will come around eventually. I think if you make sure she is involved with the planning and feels "wanted" she will change her mind! GOOD LUCK!!!

[shellk]

we did,nt ask our families because we knew most of them could,nt afford and rather than offend anyone we just said it was the 2 of us.i know that is different but all i wanted to say was please do what you want to do.would you regret not having a dw?

[Rose13]

SuzyQ- I'm sorry about your brother doing that! changing our plans aren't totally out of the question, but I dont know. And one of the things to is its cheaper doing the DW in mexico than it is getting married at my hometown (unless I want a back yard wedding), and that plays a part to

Ldeeken- they are too young to travel by themselves . But I'm hoping I can get them to come.

Doing it in my hometown is still an option, but I have to say its a pretty small one. I jsut feel like we would be resentful about it just because she doesnt want to deal with traveling and all that.

thefuturemrs.slutz- I understand what you mean, I feel guilty asking people to spend all that money to!

shellk- I think I would regret not having a DW wedding. I mean, there are somethings we can do at my hometown that would be great- like more of our friends could go, more dancing etc (and the sibling things). But over all, I think we would regret not doing it on the beach. At first I was totally against a DW wedding, but then started thinking about it and really fell in love with the idea. So, I could make it good if we did it at home to, but yes I do think a little part of me would always regret not doing DW.

 

 

So I dont know. Like I said, I could find the positive in either sit. But I know that I'll always wish I had pictures on the beach and having a wedding there. I also think I would always be sad though if my siblings didn't get to be in it at all.

[LDeeken]

Could you do an at home celebration when you get back? We are going to have an open house type party at my parents for the family and friends that won't be there. We are planning on having a cake there and some hor doerves but nothing too fancy. Our hope is that we will have some pictures and maybe the video to share.

 

If you did this they could still celebrate.

[punkie569]

It's funny what weddings do to people. I think everyone seems to forget that it's about the bride and groom and them alone. What they want is what matters not what the parents/siblings/grandparents/cousins etc. want or what they think a wedding should be. We are lucky that both our parents like to travel so for them it was no problem. Siblings however are being a pain. My sister for example can never be happy for anyone so of course she put up a fuss right from the start. I knew that could happen but if my sister couldn't bring herself to get over her "travelling is too expensive and I hate Mexico(even though she's never been)" then that was her problem not mine. As much as it would mean to me to have her there my happiness and my wedding day won't be compromised because of her issues.

 

We wanted to keep our ceremony very small so we also had to exclude some family/friends from coming and that created all sorts of issues too. Our only compromise is that we are having an AHR so we can still celebrate with our family/friends that aren't with us in Mexico. That seems to have settled things down abit. Really what it comes down to though is you do everything you can to make you happy first and the rest will be what it is. If everyone isn't happy then they can have their own wedding and do what they want. Leave the drama at home! Good luck with everything!

[KittenHeart]

No parents or siblings coming to mine either... you'd be suprised at how often this is the case for DW. Sad isn't it?