Worried about this...can someone make me feel better? :(

[justgotengaged...nowwhat?]

Hi everyone, I have been a long time lurker on this board (I love reading all of the threads!). My fiance and I booked our wedding back in May, the date is April 26, 2010. Our STD's went out this summer - EVERYONE has known even before we booked that we are doing a destinaiton wedding. I included the TA's info, the date, the place, etc. It was a very basic but cute STD.

 

My problem is, like so many women on this board, I have NO IDEA how many guests are coming. So far, my fiance and I are the only ones booked, along with my friend and her guest. We did not do a group rate - I do have a TA, but I am leaving this up to my guests to book - they can use the TA or book it themselves through Orbitz, etc. Everyone is an adult, I do not want to have to hold people's hands and harass them to book.

 

We are 7 months out, should I be concerned about this? My mom and dad (who are booking next month) keep telling me to CHILL, that there is nothing I can do about this. I know Mom is right! I am sending out the invitations in the next few weeks, which will be great cause it's one less thing to do. I guess I just keep seeing brides on here whose wedding dates are after mine, and they have tons of people booked!

 

Of course, I am with the majority of DW brides - everyone and their mother is telling me right now "oh my gosh we can't wait to be there, we are IN!". Yea well, thats nice of them to say...but I will believe it when I see them book. I know I am going to have dissapointments with this, I am bracing myself!

 

Anyways, maybe someone on here can make me feel better about this. I know there will be some very close friends of mine who just can't swing it, but I just want some reassurance - I really don't want to have to be harassing people to book their trip. I am 30 years old, my fiance is 33 - we are all adults here, I don't want to babysit! I guess my question also is, if I send the invitations out in October, when should my RSVP date be? Should I also be asking my guests to book by a certain date? My parent's best friends, who are probably coming, are the type to book it last minute and do it on their own. So putting a deadline on there for booking might not be a good idea. Thoughts?

 

Ok, there is my vent, thank you for listening!

[Jessica]

I wouldn't be concerned just yet. 7 months is still pretty far out. I had very last minute bookers. My dad, aunt and cousin literally booked the week before (I almost had a heart attack). I encouraged everyone to book early, but like you I didn't feel a need to hand hold people, however I did need an idea of who was actually coming for my own reasons (reception, favors, etc). So I did periodically ask around to see who was still coming, etc.

 

My wedding was in May, my RSVP deadline was in March and I sent the invites out late Jan. I did that to give people a kick in the butt to book. However half the people that came didn't RSVP. You just can't win!

[justgotengaged...nowwhat?]

Thank you for replying Jessica, I feel better already! I also expect to have people who do not RSVP, what can you do though?

I think I am driving my mother up the wall, thank god she is like my rock! I guess I just get very annoyed that nearly everyone is saying they are coming. I just want honesty, you know? I would rather people be upfront with me NOW, than tell me they are coming and then drop off the face of the earth right before the wedding.

[Jessica]

Oh, I know. I had a lot of people who said they were coming that didn't come. I even had a couple of people who RSVP'ed and didn't show up. I think people mean well and do truely want to come, but as the date draws closer and they realize they might not be able to afford it they just kind of avoid the situation because they feel bad. I know it's hard not to stress about and it's easier for me to say not to stress because my wedding is over and done with. But it all comes together in the end.

 

I would say, figure out when you need to have a definite number by for seating, reception, etc. If you need to have a definite number by let's say a month before your wedding, then maybe like a month and a half before then I would just put the word out that you need a final head count for food because you don't want anyone attending not to have a plate (if you are doing a reception). That usually helps to motivate people because no one wants to be the loser without any food

[*Nadine*]

I agree with what Jessica said. You will have a few surprises and a few disappointments. Its how it goes. And b/c you don't have a TA with a price set and a deadline to get a deposit in it could be awhile before people actually book. Our wedding is this december and we got our rates last year in August and people had two weeks to put down $200 to hold the rate and their spot, so we had about 60 people do that right away. Since you are going a dif route and leaving it up to your guests, it could be pretty close to the date before they book so don't stress. People like to shop around and wait for deals.

[finleys7]

I think it's on all of our minds. Don't be discouraged by people’s signatures that say how many have booked. It also depends on how many you’re inviting.

 

For instance we are inviting 150 and 22 are booked. It's our immediate families, a few bridal party members and those who knew this was in the works for a long time and were dying for us to get engaged and book the place. We have been together since March of 2002. So they knew...but people have their own lives and that's just the truth.

 

I think that you need to put an RSVP on the invitations. Give two months.

 

An FYI for my time frame.

Sent STD in May 09 with reference to the website.

Sending invitations first week in January 2010.

RSVP due by Feb 28, 2010

We leave April 26th.

 

If people I know aren't booked yet that have expressed interest, at that point it's rude...just like any other non RSVPer’s and I would call them to find out their intentions.

 

Just my opinion.

[justgotengaged...nowwhat?]

I agree, I would think it rude as well. I also agree that people have their own lives, and are ultimately going to spend their time/money doing what they want. I have read so many threads about this - people who say they are coming, then they don't come - only to redecorate their living room, go on another vacation, buy a boat...on and on and on!

 

To be honest, I prefer 20-30 ppl tops, I want a small, intimate wedding. That way, I can spend time with everyone I just don't want to hound people about coming. I also know times are tough for a lot of people, so I am going to be understanding.

I really appreciate the advice on when to send things out, because I have been kind of lost when it comes to this. Thank you all for your advice!

[Jamaica Jenn]

As a future DW bride, and as a past DW guest, I think a lot of people are probably waiting for it to get closer to the date to book as the prices tend to drop when you go "last minute" - ideal for them, but SO not ideal for you as the bride! I bet you will find that when there are 1-3 months left, all of a sudden people start booking. The DW I went to did not involve invitations. The bride and groom barely even told anyone where they were going, how to book, etc. We had to find out through my fiance's mother, who is the sister of the groom's stepdad (wow, confusing lol). To get around that, we gave out STDs at our engagement party in August for our October 2010 wedding, and we are actually sending out our invites almost a year in advance so that people can book holidays, etc. We figured that if we gave them enough time to save money, more people would come (here's hoping!). Good luck and I hope it all works out for you! Try not to stress - isn't that why we chose destination weddings in the first place? For their "stress-free" planning? (yeah right! lol)

[Andi]

honestly, as many have said already. try not to worry about it too much. If people want to go they will book. Also as I learned, most people don't read RSVP cards and or deadline dates (at least my guests seemed to ignore them). I had a late April wedding as well, our RSVP card was set for February, and our deadline to book with the TA was early March. I had guests booking 3 days before we left for Mexico...YES 3 DAYS! needless to say it was very frustrating, they of course had missed the group rate by that time but seriously, what are you going to do, tell them they can't go?

 

anyway, long story short...just try not to stress about it too much. Give your resort a number for guests that is your high number of possibles.

 

After planning our wedding and dealing with people who didn't RSVP....I have learned going forward for anything we are ever invited to in the future, we will RSVP...I so don't want to be that person that people are waiting for an RSVP from!

[jmiranda]

Just how everyone has mentioned i would not worry about it. People will book. We thought we were only having about 20 people and now our list is reaching 70!! We are getting married in about 25 days. We had sent out our std in january and we did a group rate so about 25 people took advantage of it and the rest booked on there own. We sent out our invites in august and set the deadline to book by the first week of september. People are still saying that they are going but havent booked and the deadline has passed. At this point its frustrating seriously if you say your going just book already and if your not there is no need to front.

 

Jr and i have learned from this and we will definately make sure that for future invites that we receive we will rsvp and keep our word. It is frustrating for a bride to go through this but noone ever knows until you go thru it.