pre-wedding reception decoration woes...

[KJT1985]

In November my future in laws are hosting us a pre-wedding reception in Canada (where all my fiance's family lives). We've decided on venue, entertainment, food, and centerpieces. His mom and his sister went to look at the place this weekend and decided that we'll need chair covers. So his mom found a place to rent those and now I'm looking at chair sashes. I think this is a great way to spruce up the chairs and add some more color.

 

Here comes the problem. His mom was all in favor of the organza ones I initially showed her but then I found some satin ones that are only $14 more total (and I can get in BOTH our colors, unlike the organza ones). Now his mom is giving me all these reasons why she doesn't think they'll work. I LOVE his mom and don't think she's doing it on purpose. She's a very practical person and is giving semi-good reasons. But I just don't know what to do. She says that satin will be hard to tie and the bows/knots will just come out. She also says it doesn't pack very well and will take up too much room in our suitcases, also adding greatly to the weight. But gosh darn it! I want the satin ones!

 

While I get that chair sashes aren't a big deal (and I don't HATE the organza ones), I'm really in love with the satin ones. But I don't want to end up paying an extra $50 at the airport for another suitcase or be over the weight restrictions. I feel like the satin is more elegant and evening-like while I picture organza being more of an afternoon/wedding shower material. Am I being ridiculous over stupid chair sashes? What do I do? Shipping is out of the question - it'd cost just as much as buying the sashes.

[Vallarta_2009]

I don't think you're being ridiculous, if you want one over another you and your FI should get to make that choice, not your MIL. Instead of buying them and bringing them with you can you rent them near the reception in Canada? I know there are some cheaper online stores that you can get sashes from so maybe look into that and have them shipped directly to your MIL.

 

Just a thought. Good Luck!

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vallarta_2009 I don't think you're being ridiculous, if you want one over another you and your FI should get to make that choice, not your MIL. Instead of buying them and bringing them with you can you rent them near the reception in Canada? I know there are some cheaper online stores that you can get sashes from so maybe look into that and have them shipped directly to your MIL. Just a thought. Good Luck!

She checked with the place she's renting the chair covers from and they have sashes for $0.65 each but don't have the satin color I want. I can buy them for $0.95 each and probably make up the difference by selling them. I've contacted the place I found them cheapest to see if they'll ship to Canada but I haven't heard back yet. For me to personally ship them it'd be $60+ which makes the whole thing pointless. My fiance doesn't even want chair sashes but he doesn't really want ANYTHING period so his opinion doesn't matter. Haha. I think he's only being resistant because he thinks it'll be a huge pain to take them through the airport.

[KJT1985]

This may have started a fight. My fiance was complaining about what a "huge HUGE" pain it would be to take them with us. I asked him why it mattered since i'm going to be the one packing everything anyway and won't use up anymore suitcases than one per person. Then he starts telling me that I should listen to his mother because when she says "they'll be big, they'll be heavy, remember you'll have lots to do" she's really saying not to get them. This pissed me off so I told him he needed to marry his mother and thanked him for caring more about what she wants then me.

 

I really do love his mother dearly and this is the first time where i've really felt like "bridezilla" about the wedding events. THIS is why I didn't want a wedding at home! I get too angry when I don't get my way with small things! Haha. Why did I let them talk me into such a formal reception??

[Vallarta_2009]

Ok first off, guys are dumb. I'm not trying to be mean but they really don't have the same attention to detail as we do and its true, in the end they don't really care. Example, my fiance doesn't think spending money on invites is worth it and wants to send out email invites!

 

Ok but enough about me, I think the best thing for you to do is wait til you hear from your supplier about shipping to Canada. Tell your FI that you're looking into all options right now and want to base your decision on what is most economical but still getting what you'd prefer. While its a big help that your MIL is willing to plan and help out, ultimately the decisions are yours to make.

[Vallarta_2009]

Oh and FYI, there are a bunch of chair sashes on sale on ebay. Most ship to Canada for a reasonable fee and will take them back within 7 days with a full refund minus 15%. If you can time it right you can buy them, use them and send them back with it only costing you a fraction of the cost.

[KJT1985]

Thanks. I don't even know anything anymore. I got yelled at for TWO HOURS last night because I accused him of siding with his mother. He tells me how unappreciative and spoiled I am. Then he has the audacity to bring up how he's the only person in this relationship who hasn't ever put his parents first. When we first started dating we had some SERIOUS issues with my parents because they didn't/don't like him. They stopped talking to me for a few months and I got into some huge arguments with my mother. One day I suggested that maybe it would help if we didn't live together before we got married - so my parents would give him a chance to come around. He came unglued and now - two years later, is bring up how I "put my parents first".

 

I'm so pissed and hurt right now. I actually had the thought last night that I should come to work today, quit and pack up my things so I was gone by the time he got home tonight. I HATE feeling like that. The only reason I didn't yell right back and call it all off last night was because I've promised myself that I will never leave during a fight when emotions are high.

 

It makes me so mad that he doesn't even give a shit about the chair sashes yet won't even listen to what I'M telling him - just what his mom says. To top it all off, he usually calls his mom when things aren't going well so I don't know if she knows what's going on now or not.

 

And the thing is - YES he spoils me. I drive a new car, he bought the house I liked instead of the one he did (always brings this up), we have everything we need. BUT I don't really get to make any of the decisions because he "makes more money". I'm so sick of his "money is everything" attitude. I am SO careful and considerate of what I spend money on even though I work too - because I've seen how careless spending and not consulting the other person can cause fights (my mom). I mean - I give him a heads up when I buy $15 shoes or go get a haircut for crying out loud! I do NOT go shopping or spend money on decorating the house, or clothes, or makeup, or anything! So I feel like - on the rare occasion - when I say "Hey, I want this" and that he shouldn't give a shit!!! Again - YES i'm already spoiled but I flipping work too and deserve to make some decisions on my own!!

 

I still don't know what to do.....

[KJT1985]

I meant to clarify that I'd have to quit work because in June i moved 16 hours from friends and family since his job relocated him. This probably should have went in the vent category...

[Vallarta_2009]

Wow... this is a lot bigger than chair sashes. Good for you though for not walking away when things are too emotional. I agree that's the best way to go. Since this is opening up a can of worms (for lack of a better term) I would suggest you ask your FI to write down everything he is feeling and you do the same. Then schedule a night to "talk." Order pizza, open a bottle of wine and read each others words. This way you'll both be calm and can appreciate what the other is saying and work through it.

 

Just a thought...

[KJT1985]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vallarta_2009 Wow... this is a lot bigger than chair sashes. Good for you though for not walking away when things are too emotional. I agree that's the best way to go. Since this is opening up a can of worms (for lack of a better term) I would suggest you ask your FI to write down everything he is feeling and you do the same. Then schedule a night to "talk." Order pizza, open a bottle of wine and read each others words. This way you'll both be calm and can appreciate what the other is saying and work through it. Just a thought...

It's a nice thought but it'll never happen. He's always right, i'm always wrong and I always end up kissing his ass for the next week just to smooth things over because I get sick of fighting...